22 Yr Old Still living at home Unmotivated to do anything

Roxanna - posted on 05/17/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have a 22 year old son who has no motivation what so ever to move out. He has had jobs on and off, did some upgrading of high school marks. He plays a lot of video games and goes to the gym and thats it. He stays in his room more than anything and I find it so unhealthy. I talk to him every day, afraid he's falling into depression but he doesn't say much. He is a good kid, isn't into drugs, drinks occasionally and not into trouble. He's more on the shy side. I live with a guy that is at his wits end with this living arrangement. Recently we had a very traumatic incident in our home that involved my son. His best friend from grade school died in his sleep from a fentanyl overdose in our home. My son found him. Very sad, and very heartbreaking for my son and I. My son does not do drugs and had not seen him in 3 months before the night he passed.
I'm mentioning all this because i am so worried about my sons well being along with being on him to get motivated, get a job and move on with his life. I don't want to push too much. What can I do? He's a good kid just not motivated.
Any suggestions or help would be much appreciated.
Thank you

5 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 05/21/2016

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Like the other ladies said.
Draw up a contract stating his responsibilities like how much rent he is to pay, how much he pays towards bills. You can even write in the he does certain chores around the house each week.
If you think he is getting depressed then suggest he see a counselor. You can even make that one of the terms for him to still live with you. He's an adult and can make his own choices but if he is living in your house he still has to live by your rules.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/21/2016

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You outline the amounts he is to pay for room and board. You state each participant's responsibilities, reasonable expectations for each. You both agree and sign it. Once that is done, you enforce it.

Roxanna - posted on 05/17/2016

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I have never heard of a contract for an adult living in your house. Do you have an example?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/17/2016

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Let me guess: No contract for an adult living in your home, right?

That's the only thing that works.

Raye - posted on 05/17/2016

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For any adult child living at home, I always advocate for a signed agreement that spells out the terms that they are to follow to remain at home. This would be things like keeping common areas of the house clean. Not having their room such a disaster that it would invite bugs, mold, or other unhealthy conditions. Paying their room and board with either money (which would imply steady job) or achievement (such as maintaining a certain GPA). And having respectful behavior (verbal, physical, and situational [not being disruptive to people sleeping by coming home late, etc.]). If he fails in his responsibilities and breaks the rules, then he must find a different place to live. Keep in mind, he's not a child anymore, he's an adult... but adults still have consequences. You can't enable a bad lifestyle then complain that he's not living up to expectations.

Having a contract may also help your relationship. Your BF will know that you're not just letting the boy freeload in the house, but that your son actually has goals and is meeting the responsibilities that you lay out for him, or that the boy knows the consequence of continuing to slack-off is having to move out. Yes, you have loyalties to your child, but he should be out living his life and you should have your partner to enjoy your time with. Your child should not be a drain on your life once they have grown. What if you lose your romantic partner, and your son finally gets motivated and decides to leave? Then you're stuck alone.

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