28 year old daughter lives at home and sloppy. I'm at my wits end.

Debbie - posted on 10/08/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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We have a daughter who is an awesome daughter except for the fact is she is 28 years old living at home and her room looks like a bomb hit it. Last night we had the loudest fight because of her room. I am 56 years old and I just can't take it anymore. I don't think at my age I should have to be putting up with this anymore. She's so sloppy and I am not. I like a neat and clean home and she should respect that, but instead she gives me attitude and just doesn't want to clean it. Our house is only a year and a half old and the carpeting in her room is disgusting. Plus I gave a husband who doesn't help at all. Please help. What do I do? It's putting such stress in my life and a rift between my husband and I.

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Gena - posted on 10/09/2013

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Your house Your rules and basta. If she isnt paying rent make her pay rent,let her do her own laundry and cook for herself,she needs to grow up.28and living in a mess at moms house is just not acceptable. I am 24 married since 5 years with an almost 3 year old,i do all the cooking laundry etc and live in a clean house. She must learn to clean up,did you clean her room when she was younger?Maybe you could agree to help her exactly once to clean her room properbly.But then she must keep it tidy or go live on her own.And that she is still yells at you about the whole thing is just rude and not respectfull.She must learn to respect you,your house and your rules. Ask her if she thinks she will ever marry a man that would accept living in a mess and if they had children if she would still be to lazy to clean. I dont want to be rude but you should really put your foot down about this whole thing and make her grow up.Good luck

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/08/2013

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Time for your 28 year old to get on her own two feet and get the hell out of your house!

What in the world is she still doing living at home? Does she pay rent? Does she contribute to groceries? Does she expect you to do her laundry, cook for her, etc?

Good grief! Everyone has debt, unless they manage themselves well. My husband and I, for example, are debt free, but only because we pay for everything that we buy up front. We do not buy on credit, we don't buy new cars, etc. I don't even have a mortgage, because we've paid it off. Student loan debt is everywhere, that's what your JOB is for. If she's working full time, then she's making plenty of money to pay rent at HER OWN place, buy groceries and pay her bills. She may not have enough to party on afterwards, but that's life as a grown up.

The longer you allow her to sponge off of you, the longer she's going to be there, the more stressed you're going to get...it's a big downhill spiral.

Either have her sign a rental agreement, indicating that 1/4 of the household expenses are hers, and she's to pay each month by a certain date, or she's out, or tell her to get out on her own immediately. (1/4 is an example. Her responsibility should equal the fraction of how many people you have in the house. We had 4, so my son's responsibility was 1/4 of the expense) And I mean the whole deal. 1/4 of mortgage, 1/4 of utilities, cable, internet, phone (land line), and food. Anything above that (cell phone, car, etc) is her personal responsibility.

I've been on my own since 18, married since I was 20, and we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary. My eldest is 19, he voluntarily started paying his share when he graduated HS, and has recently moved out. Aside from feeding him once a week on 'family night', he hasn't asked for my help in his expenses, because he is an adult, and wants to be treated as such. If your daughter wants to be treated better, she can darn well start acting like an adult!

Queen Of My - posted on 10/08/2013

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Ps : Stay strong! The pile up will probably bug you before them but it will definitely get noticed and make a statement!

Queen Of My - posted on 10/08/2013

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I'm 28 with two kids, my own house and a full time job. I have been living on my own since 18 andI can't even imagine living at my parents anymore.
She is more than capable of keeping her room clean. This is a fight you have with teenagers - not adults. The fact is, it's your house! I agree with Dove - maybe it's time for her to fly on her own. People live on their own with student debts all the time - that is not a good excuse.
If you just really don't have it in you to kick her out of the nest, try a written tenant agreement with consequences for breaking the agreement. What if she paid a small amount of rent and that entitles you to one weekely inspection of her room... That way she can live in her mess 6 days a week but for at least one day her room will be cleaned. Or what if you agree to her privacy and not bugging her about her room but then she has to pay rent?
Or of course - you can go on strike - but you really have to commit to it and you will have to allow your house to get truly a mess without cracking. But you do nothing for anyone - no laundry, cooking, groceries, no answering phones and taking messages - Nothing! - Hog the tv or couch or drink wine in the bath tub or whatever makes you happy. You deserve a break and it sounds like your family needs a reality check!
She works all day? - lol - so does the rest of the world!

Queen Of My - posted on 10/08/2013

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:) Good! I love it - lol. Take charge and definately let me know how it goes!

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Georgina - posted on 10/08/2013

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I agree with Dove. She's almost 30 years old. She doesn't respect you if she's still living with you. You did your child rearing. She needs to move out. I understand she has debt, but who doesn't? She's not a child anymore. Don't enable her to continue living like one. It's time to put your foot down.

Debbie - posted on 10/08/2013

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Queen of my Castle I love your message to me. You inspired me to let certain things go in the house like laundry, dinners etc and see how it goes. I do feel very unappreciated for everything I do in this house and it is time I think of myself. Thank you. I will let you know how it goes.

Debbie - posted on 10/08/2013

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I've threatened her many times about moving out, but she has student loans and it's hard out there with loans. I just want respect from her and an understanding that I am right about this and I don't feel she should yell and get mad at me cause I want things to be neat. She pays nothing except food once and awhile and her and her brother pay the cell phone bills for the house. It's so hard for her to do anything around the house. She works all day so she thinks Mom will do it all. I'm just tired of all of this.

Dove - posted on 10/08/2013

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She's 28 years old.... Either keep her door shut or kick her out.

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