Allie - posted on 08/18/2012 ( 16 moms have responded )
I am at my wits end! Furious is more like it. Background - dh and I have been married for 29 years - three kis - b - 28, b-24, g-18. Middle son finished college, is full time Chef and planning to get married in May of next year, youngest and only daugher just finished high school and starting college in one week to become a teacher or work with kids in some type of setting. Oldest son - has moved out three or four times, always calls us crying that he is either sick or has not money to eat. We paid for him to start college twice and he went one month the first time and quit and didn't even go a week the second time and quit and said "I'm just not smart enough for college". Last time he moved home he was sick - he has asthma really bad sometimes but also smokes! The deal was he could live here six months - its been three years or longer. He has made jokes in front of my side of the family that "he has it made here why would he want to move" and "there is no way he could support a family; talking about getting married and having kids, because he can't even support himself". This makes me furious!
On top of that he has rules - no girls in his room - his "room" is a bedroom downstairs in our basement. He has to use our main kitchen and bathrooms every day for showering, eating, etc. He buys no food, he pays no rent, he doesn't buy soap, laundry detergent, pays nothing on utilities and only cuts the grass when we have to ask him. Other than that he does nothing. He works and has worked in the restuarant business since graduating high school. He claims he can make up to $500-600 or more a week when his tips are good but he never has any money . Sunday through Thursday he doesn't work and just lays around and eats and sleeps all day. He now has a girl friend and she is here all the time - never met her and I've made the rule quite clear she cannot be in his room as its a bedroom and he has a younger sister to set examples for (yeah right) but anyway no girls allowed. Five or more times I've had to tell him to tell her to leave - so they stand in our driveway making out in front of the neighbors. I've even passed this girl walking down my driveway to the mailbox and she has yet to even say "hello". He also has not introduced any of us to her. She has kids or a kid but not sure how old. I'm fed up with his behavior. He doesn't respect me or his Dad and he obviously takes advantage of us. The problem is I would tell him to leave in a heart beat and grow up but his Dad sees it different. He had rather him be here and know he is okay and not starving somewhere. But when he sits and jokes and says "why would I move out when I have it made" to our extended family, to me thats a slap in our faces. I don't want to cause problems between my husband and I but its an ongoing pain in my rear. I stay home, I work from home so I'm seeing this every day, all day long. Now that he is having make out sessions in our yard, its even more disgusting to me that he has no will power or drive to want to do better! Why is he like this and the other two are so ambitious, I just don't get it. His Dad works seven days a week to keep our house going and I work from home. My son's motto is "your not guaranteed another day on this earth so why not enjoy the day you have and not kill yourself doing something you don't want to do". I'm at a loss and I'm tired of being made a fool! He is 28 years old standing in our yard making out with this girl and its just sickening- even his 18 year old sister said its embarrassing for when her friends come over and they are out in the yard all over each other. I want to throw his things to the curb for real! I love him to pieces but I'm not liking him very much these days!