3 toddlers under the age of 3

Brittany - posted on 12/06/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm new to this website so I might not be posting where im suppose to be posting! So sorry if I am! I have a 3 and a half old daughter, a 2 and half year old son and a 1 and half year old daughter! At this point I am ready to pull my hair out! I am a stay at home mom and my fiancé owns his own business so he works a lot(father to all 3 of our kids)! None of them will listen to me! I do find myself yelling a lot only because I am exhausted at this point I just don't know what to do anymore! They make mess after mess after mess! I will ask my oldest daughter to do something for me or to clean something up and she will just plain out say no she don't want to do it or no shes not going to do it! So then I try to use my stern voice, well now I am seeing they could careless, because I do so much yelling throughout the day so they just don't care if I yell or if I am mad! I know I am a huge pushover when it comes to them. I give in very easy because I don't want to hear the crying anymore! My oldest daughter will hit, scratch, throw her brother or sister on the ground, hit them with stuff she is just plain mean to them. I have tried the you do it to them im going to start doing it to you, yelling at her, spanking, time out, and absolutely nothing.. a couple minutes later shes back to doing it!.. she screams and yells and crys more then any 3 year old ive ever been around! I just don't know what to do with her anymore! My son hes actually the best out of all 3.. however if he sees that his sisters get away with it or they can do it then so can he.. and I don't want this cycle to keep going on.. because now my youngest daughter which is 18 months old and a whooping 19 pounds is JUST AS MEAN AS MY 3 YEAR OLD! her attitude is off the charts, she is mean mean mean!!! Not to mention all she does all day is cry cry cry and some more cry! if you don't give her what she wants she will cry all day long if she wakes up in a bad mood everyone is going to hear it! Shes not going to give it up!.. and she is so very smart.. she understands me but she is still my baby.. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me.. but then I think when my parents spanked me I got the point and I didn't want to do it again nor did I do it again! however I don't want to be that parent I want good kids not perfect but good kids that listen and are nice and loving.. not don't listen don't care and are mean.. everyone tells me jeeze you really need to get stern with them they walk all over you.. your like pudding when it comes to them and its true.. I just don't know what to do I need some help here.. do I do routines.. timers.. time outs.. what do I do.. they are all 11 months apart.. something has to give because im going crazy here especially with it being winter here they can just go outside and get some energy out they are trapped in here!! what can I do with them to keep there brain busy and that I can interact with them and play with them! help me! I need something that's going to work because im driving myself CRAZY yelling and scream and saying im going to do something and then not do anything about it because I feel like its not going to work.. since they make messes all the time to do I sit them down and tell them that I am taking there toys away or a good percentage of there toys away until they can learn to clean up the toys they have and can prove it! please someone help me I need a bunch of information on what to do with these 3 babies.. I don't feel bad for myself I feel bad for them that I get this frustrated and its because I don't know what to do and I don't want them to be scared of me and fear me.. I want them to love me like they do but take me seriously for once.. Im 23 years old lol and I have a lot of patiences when it comes to a lot.. but my yelling from upstairs to downstairs and room to room is what makes me nuts lol

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Kerre - posted on 12/09/2013

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My 3 oldest our 2 1/2 yrs apart and I had the same issues with not respecting me. How ever you punish them follow they. Take toys, priveledges, or whatever away. The point is if you threaten to do it and still behavior poorly follow thru. That worked and still works. My kids aren't too much older - almost 6, almost 5 & 3 1/2. Then God had a laugh and now have a 10 mos old. It gets better - especially when they get in school. They'll learn. Prayers.

Brittany - posted on 12/09/2013

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Thank you for the posts! Since I have joined here and everyone has been so nice about commenting and not making me feel like I'm crazy for having 3 kids so close in age it's been nice. Also that I am not the only one that has gone through this and that all you need is a little extra mommy help! I have actually pulled out my stereo and when things seem like tere getting crazy I turn on the music not only does it make me feel good and give me a pick me up when I listen to it my kids enjoy it as well.. I also pulled out our wii that we haven't used in just a little over a year! So that's weird that you just said that since I just pulled it out ad was thinkin there has to be something on the wii that they can enjoy as well too! I never thought about that just dance ill have to go out and get it( I guess it's one of those mom minds think alike) lol I have however stopped yelling which has saved me my own headache since I was driving myself crazy and went to them got on there level and talked to them and it has worked wonders! Also now when I say time out I actually mean it I'm not just saying it because that probably why it wasn't working! And when I say your going to go in timeout they know that I'm actually serious about it! As far as the mall.. I get the staring and looking at me and talking about me so that's a little uncomfortable to me to do that.. I wish I could because they need it but that's a little out of my comfort zone with being feel like I'm not wanted and can't let me kids walk around.. However I never thought about a McDonald's we don't have one with a place set here but we do have a burgerking that has one so ill have to take them to that they would definitely enjoy it!

Julia - posted on 12/07/2013

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Stuck in the house for 3 days after a big snow storm is enough to make anyone stir crazy 😄. Don't feel bad. Also, if you lost your temper there is nothing wrong with apologizing to your kids. You are the role model. If you loose ur temper and yell then don't apologize they think that is ok. Don't apologize for concequences but model right behavior. "Little Sarah, I'm sorry I lost my temper and yelled in this family we always try to use our nice voices and mommy didn't use her nice voice. I'm going to try and use my nice voice, can you try to pick up your toys?" You are showing them the right way to behave and living up to your own house rules. You are not apologizing for putting them in time out etc and you are reminding them your family has rules and when someone breaks them then need to apologize, even if it is mommy.

Cecilia - posted on 12/07/2013

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Believe me I do know how you feel. I do understand the soft heart that makes you not want to hurt them and also makes you give into them. Which is why I added things like don't say sorry to them for time out. Inside you want to, I always had to stop myself.

Your post didn't make you seem crazy. I actually was unsure if you were to a breaking point or not since most of the post was simply their actions and not much on how you actually felt. I just wanted to add it just in case it might be something you needed.

I thought of something else I personally do that might help you. I have 5 kids. Two "babies" and 3 teens. So my house also gets very very loud. When it's starting to get to me I put in one headphone, just one and listen to music. This way if I'm being paged or someone is really screaming I can still hear them. Although I can still listen to music until that does happen.

Try thinking of games to get them running around in the house. This will help keep their energy reserves from getting too out of hand. I know most think TV and games are the devil, some can be useful to you, at least when the 3 yr old is concerned. Find videos or games that make them move. Just dance for kids- is my best friend. We have a Wii and i simply put it in and she will try to dance along with them while I go scrub the bathroom. Youtube also has the justdance songs on there and if you use that, it might work. Another thing we do a lot of in the winter is go to the mall and just walk around. It's nice and warm but you get some sunlight (since most malls have glass ceilings). Explain before you go that they are not going to buy toys, that you're going there to walk around. If you have a local Mcdonalds that has a play gym that could work too.

It's winter and it can be very hard. Personally I'm already done with winter and just waiting for summer to come back. Keep trying you'll get where you want to be soon.

Brittany - posted on 12/07/2013

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I will definitely go and look into that book.. It always helped me with my first daughter to read about pregnancy and what to do with them as newborns and growing up.. i just think things started getting to crazy here that i didn't have time to do anything when i should be.. Thank you for commenting back on my post it has helped me and now what i am doing is working! thank you so much!

Brittany - posted on 12/07/2013

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I am trying.. I think last night I was a little more frustrated then usual.. its been snowing and theres ice and everything so they have not been able to go outside and get some energy out and yesxsterday they were way worse then they usually are. I don't hit or spank often.. actually I rarely ever do.. I was very against it from the beginning and I still am.. however it seemed like to me that it was the only thing to get the point across because it did to me when I was younger.. however I feel terrible when I do it so I end up saying im sorry lol which I shouldn't be saying sorry after they get in trouble for being bad.. Im actually a very calm and patient person however my fiancé does a lot of yelling and im sure that probably sent me right over the edge yesterday too since its normally just the kids and myself and I just deal with them making a mess or crying and yelling and my fiancé will do a lot of yelling about it.. you however were not out of line by saying I might need to go see a doctor.. my post made it seem like I was a little crazy if a lot crazy as well.. but I am not lol.. however the problems are still are the same.. I have however made notes and put them around the house saying don't yell.. go to them and talk to them.. since normally when I yell and they don't listen I get frustrated but like any person if they are being yelled at and just don't want to hear it there not going to listen and I find myself doing that and things have gone a lot better today.. I have went to my kids and told them not to do something or they would go to time out and it has works.. I haven't gotten frustrated at all today.. there has been no yelling my kids are happy the crying is not very much and things are a lot more calm.. however we are living with my fiancés parents right now in order to save up to buy our own home so that's adding extra stress on us as well.. so I have to get everyone on board if I want this all to work out! Thank you for all your guys help and support this is exactly what I needed! I know that yelling and hitting or spanking wasn't what I wanted to do and I have said that from the beginning since when I do spank they don't seem to care either since I would never spank them hard enough to put pain on them.. So again thank you.. I am not loosing my mind lol It just has been going on for a little while now and I needed help and the pick me up to get back on my feet and to know that what I always planned on doing would work.. I just needed the help and the notes of reminding me that no yelling so I don't get worked up in the first place has actually helped.. and they cant ignore me if they have to look at me and if im standing there right infront of them! Thank you guys so much!

Cecilia - posted on 12/06/2013

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It sounds like you are trying. I think you just need to tweak what you are doing a little. First. Please stop hitting. You are only teaching them to hit. Some people will disagree with me but I think you might be willing to admit that in your case it could be true.

I think you say you do time out but it might not be being done in a proper manner. First set up house rules. Make pictures if you need to so they can understand a rule board even without reading skills. Go over the rules. First rule is obviously no hitting. second rule would be to listen when mommy tells you to do something. Keep going with what's most important to you. I would not make it more than 5 rules, that should be able to cover most things for the age group.

Now when a rule is broken, they have one warning (cept for hitting) for example, you tell you daughter to sit down and eat dinner. She says no. You simply say (calmly) I told you to eat dinner, if you do not eat dinner you will go into time out. If she still refuses, set her in her spot, go down to her level and say " you're in time out because you broke the rule about listening to mommy"

You walk away and leave the child there for one minute per year of age. If they get up say nothing and move them back. For some stubborn kids this can take a long time. Just put them back and restart the timer. If they yell, ignore it. Say nothing. When time is done you go back to eye level and say "Mommy put you in time out because you were not listening to mommy, say sorry to mommy and give me a hug" If they refuse to say sorry, tell them they can not get up until they say sorry and walk away and leave them there. There is no timer for this part, just waiting for them to give in. Once they say sorry you give hugs (but do not ever say sorry)

Mind you the youngest might just be too young to understand time out and won't get it no matter what you do. Their age group usually only needs distraction. Usually if you gain control of the oldest the younger ones will follow suit.

Try to keep the yelling down because the truth is they will simply shut down. They won't listen to it. If you calmly say things and enforce rules calmly they in turn will get it and react similar to you.

I will tell you one thing I learned about my 3 year old that seems to work really well for her when she is an emotional mess. I'm sure you know what I mean by that... The whole melt down over something that seems so unimportant.. I hold up my finger and tell her "blow out the candle" We do that over and over until she is calmer. Why? Because telling a 3 year old to take a deep breath doesn't work. So blowing the candle out does the same thing but in a more fun way.


As far as things for you, maybe look into getting some sort of help for yourself. Since the only thing you said was "frustrated" it's hard to say for sure. Would you be willing to talk to your doctor about getting medication to help you calm down a little? Sorry if it seems out of place but it's a possible help for you. Talk to hubby about finding you a way out of the house, even if it's only once a week. You need a breather also. I do understand he works, but if he could be home every Tuesday by 9pm, to allow you an hour.. it would be a great help.

I do understand how you feel. I had babies 22 months apart and then 11 months apart.

Julia - posted on 12/06/2013

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Get the book How to Behave so Your Toddler Will. It is a great help. Also try Parenting with Love and Logic.

Try not to yell, it just teaches them to be aggressive to get what they want. Put in a DVD and take a minute to yourself in the next room if you need to.

3 kids in this age group is hard so give yourself a break. When kids this little don't listen it isn't a matter of taking you seriously. It is a matter of developmental ability and readiness for what you want from them. Establish some routines. You might want to put them all in their cribs for a nap at the same time so you get a break. Ask the older one to help entertain the littler ones. Puppets are great at this age. Also if you are really at a loss put the two little guys in high chairs strap them in and give them some toys on the tray while you cook. The older one can help with minor tasks in the kitchen. Or let them make a pots and pans band while you cook.

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