3yr old this momma is on the brink of loosing it..... if its NOT already gone!

Jacqueline - posted on 03/20/2014 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Dont know what to do anymore.....

My 3yr old persist in her attitude every single day. Get told No talked back too. Tried time outs, wooping (which I hate), taking things away, separating my self for a few mins. I just feel like NOTHING is working to break her of these tantrums and they are driving me crazy. I feel like everyday they just get worse and worse Ive tried talking to her I get yeah yup okay mommy sorry..... then 5-10 mins later same behavior. I just don't know what to do because, everything I try it seems to fail and Im starting to feel like a failure as a mom like its my fault. But I try to correct her behavior when it's naughty . Just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like she is passing this on to my 1 yr old and I don't know what to do?????!!!!!!

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Sarah - posted on 03/22/2014

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I don't know if this helps but many young children genuinely want to understand the world around them, how it works, and to make sense of it all, the reasons for things. When we tell them to do something or behave in a certain way for example many children will ask "Why?" Because they genuinely want to know the reason for it, not because they are being rebellious. The questions may continue. They may even question your reasoning because they genuinely want to understand why we do the things we do. For example if we tell a young child to please put their toys away and they ask why, our answer might be because someone may trip over them. They may then ask why people can't just walk around them - because they genuinely want to know. We may say that sometimes people are thinking about other things and do not see them and also do not expect there to be toys in that spot etc.
Another example may be if we ask a young child not to put an object "over there" they may need to define what that means by either asking or moving the object progressively towards the direction that was indicated whilst looking at you with every move to see if it is in an acceptable place.
Often if we give them the information they are looking for they are satisfied (sticker charts may help too! )
A young child of of this age also may not understand what she is saying sorry for, only that it makes mummy happy, so when she does it again it is not intentional disobedience.
As I mentioned I don't know if this is relevant to your post but thought it worth mentioning these things.

Stacy - posted on 03/21/2014

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maybe she is looking for your attention and its the only way she knows how to get it, its difficult for 3 year olds to express their feelings and if negative attention is the only way she knows how to express her emotions then that's how she is going to be. Maybe try getting her in to swim class or art or tumbling something to make her feel like she is important and it changes negative into something positive and rewarding. She might just be board or tired or feels the need to compete with her younger sibling?

[deleted account]

Have you talked to her pediatrician about this? Or a counselor? Those two would be my suggestions. It never hurts to have a child evaluated if you really feel you've tried everything and are not getting through. A counselor can also help you evaluate yourself and decide whether or not you are being thorough and consistent and what, if anything, you may be doing to contribute to the problem. Sometimes kids show behavior problems as a result of environmental factors as well, which is why I say talk to your pediatrician. It could be related to food allergies or intolerances or a chemical imbalance. But definitely seek a professional opinion.

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[deleted account]

If the doctor is brushing it off I'd say go straight to a counselor for an evaluation. Doctors see the child for a matter of minutes and sometimes don't understand the extent of the behavior from your descriptions alone. I tried talking to my sons' doctor about their behavior and was told "he's just a normal toddler boy and he'll grow out of it." We later had a full evaluation done through Easter Seals for one son and an occupational therapy assessment with the other, only to find out one has a sensory disorder, sleep disturbance condition, and possible hyperkinetic disorder to be reevaluated when he's a few years older, and the other has a sensory disorder and anxiety. Only after this diagnostic did our pediatrician become supportive of getting them the help they needed. I'm not saying your child has any sort of behavior or mood disorder, but it's always good to rule things out. And either way, a counselor can help you work through the family dynamic and figure out exactly where the behavior is coming from and how you can most effectively respond. IF they find anything to be addressed medically, then you can go back to the doctor with that evaluation and request any necessary testing.

[deleted account]

In Jacqueline's defense, her first comment was in response to a post that has since been deleted that was basically suggesting calling a "magic" person so perform a spell. That's what she was saying was bad advice. Her comment just looks bad now because that other post is no longer there.

Patty - posted on 03/21/2014

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Jacqueline, I can see why you have a hard time controlling your child. You just told people that were giving you advice that it wasn't good advice. Wow! Maybe you should take some parenting classes that way a professional can help you learn how to deal with this child.

Jacqueline - posted on 03/20/2014

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I have tried her her doctor and she tells me to just be patient and this phase will pass...... so that doesn't help.

Jacqueline - posted on 03/20/2014

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Thanks but no thanks I don't do all that kind of stuff I need serious advice not this this doesn't help me at all it just makes me think it was a waste of time to reach out. but Im sure someone else will gain what they need from what you wrote . however I don't.

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