4 1/2 year old son showing signs of sadness and seemingly obsessed with all evil

AMA - posted on 11/18/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello fellow moms,
Looking for some advice as I am becoming increasingly concerned for my son's emotional well being.
He started JK this Sept, and was reportedly 'aggressive' with other kids and 'had a hard time listening'. His JK teachers were constantly putting him in time outs or to the corner for pushing other kids in his class during recess, or knocking their toys over. He is compliant in the sense that he goes to the corner without hesitation, and the behaviour seems to stop for the remainder of the day.
My 4 year old son has a little brother at home, age 2. They get along very well. The extent of their issues would be difficulty sharing toys.
So after the first 2 wks of JK, all was well. He was enjoying going to school; still does. Well the behavious seems to have started up again. Pushing kids that don't let him play with them; pretending to be 'black spiderman' and pushing his friend. He goes to the wall or has 'time out' at recess when this happens.
This morning my husband was walking him to school and he was making a growling sound. When his teacher greeted them at the door, my 4 year said 'I love evil things' and growled. And this is after he claims to really like his teachers and school.
I'm wondering if you moms out there have any advise on things we could be doing as parents? reading? activities?
Our family life is active, loving, simple. We do not have violent shows on TV. Our 4 and year old and his brothers' favourite TV show has been Sofia the First for several months. He also plays well with his friends/ cousins outside of school setting.
For the most part he is good in school too.... but these incidents of aggressive/ negative behaviour are having us worry.
I've spoken to his teachers as well and they are straight up with info... they say its a normal transition (although I don't see many other kids doing this...).
Please send your suggestions/ questions/ comments/ anything our way.
thank you,
AMA

3 Comments

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Amy - posted on 11/18/2013

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Well you are very welcomed and I tell ya it definitely takes a village to raise kids. Hang in there and just stay positive your son will follow your lead. God bless.

AMA - posted on 11/18/2013

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Thank you Amy, for replying to my post.
We will make more time to observe him at school and thereafter rewarding him if it applies. We started a 'reward chart' for him, where our son collects gold stars for kind behaviour at school and staying out of the corner. There after when he earns a certain number of stars by being kind to his friends and keeping his hands to himself, he gets to select a reward / toy of his choice.
We started this about a week and a half ago...he has collected three stars. That's when this behavior seemed to be starting up again at school. I requested to his teacher to let me know via a phone call or letter sent home with my son, reporting his behavior: negative or positive. She firmly declined and said she is dealing with it at school. That is what the school professions do and will not give us feedback unless it is more serious than what has been happening thus far.
We will request a meeting with her to come up with a mutual plan.
It was comforting reading your reply to my post Amy, and I thank you very much for your insight and advice.
Ama

Amy - posted on 11/18/2013

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Children with these sorts of behaviors are usually just trying to fit in. Your son has probably just not found himself in the school setting yet. Sort of like an identity crisis. Transitions are important when children start school and they should be done in a positive and engaging manner. Just remind him about others feelings. Talk to him about how it makes others feel when he is not playing nice. And reward him tremendoulsy when does treat others with respect and kindness. I mean make a big stink about it. It will help him to see that the kinder he is to others the more that he will feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. Sounds like he just needs to find the reward in those social environments. Also, keep in mind, that you or your husband should make trips to the school to observe and check on his behavior. Tell him that you will be looking out for the nice things that he does for others like sharing and being respectful to his teachers. When he is held accountable then it may create a greater awareness for him. Have his teachers report his behavior to you each day so that when he does make greater strides to making good choices you can praise him at home. However, if he does not make good choices then maybe he needs greater consequences such as no tv time after school and remind him why he losses that privilege. Keep talking to him and keep encouraging. He will get through it.

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