4 1/2 yr boy out of control

Tina - posted on 02/04/2018 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello all, I need another Mother's advise and or shared experience for the following. My son who is 4 1/2 yrs old, is a only child has been going getting so out of control that I am out of my witts ends. I am a fulltime mom who desperately needs some advise from any other moms out there who have experienced the same thing. My son goes to day care 5 days a week, is very smart learns quickly but has problems listening to the teachers at times, even won't listen to me at home, He is very hard headed and I am not sure if it is because he is a only child and thinks the world MUST cater to his every need all the time or what. I have also noticed that he is very emotional, cries over the most silliest thing, like if he builds something with blocks (loves to build) and one of his friends knocks it over he gets so upset and cries like the world is coming to an end. I am a 47 yrs old mom, and also a only child, my mom said that I was never like this as a only child, He has hard time at times too respecting / accepting my directive or my husbands directly, he thinks everything is a game. Many times he just follows me around and just won't give me some space - feel sometime a bit suffocated. I can't take this anymore as I loose my patience now quickly more than ever with him. He is just about to start kindergarten this fall and I am afraid that if I can't find a way to diminish these types of behavior I will be in the school's principle office constantly. In the past some of the Teachers at the daycare have already labeled him as a "problem child" for the last 3 years off and on. Don't get me wrong but there are some very good days where he will listen, follow directions and is "in control" of the hyper-ness. So I am now at a desperate point in getting any advise on if this is normal for boys or what. he does not have a hearing problem, nor does he have ADHD. (been already tested). He is definitely a "Mamas Boy" I am looking forward to anyone else who is or has been experiencing this with a boy and if this is normal and will he grow out of this.. HELP Please..

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Sarah - posted on 02/05/2018

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He may outgrow it or may just be a live wire kind of kid. Full time day care is a lot for any child, some tolerate it better than others. If he seems underfoot and clingy, it is probably his desire for your attention. Negative attention is still attention. Maybe consider serving him a light dinner right away when you get home. If he is getting adequate meals at child care then a simple dinner would be fine. Since you are so crunched for time, maybe do bath every other night or every third even. Then, you'd have an extra hour or so to just talk, read and cuddle and try to get him down by 7:30. He will master some self control in the coming few years and most likely will fit in just fine in a school setting. If the daycare already has him targeted as "the problem child" he may be just living up to the expectation. Which is unfortunate. You can try setting some short term goals for him, like working on listening and following directions until lunchtime, and praise his successes like crazy. Rewarding that sort of behavior with a sticker chart or tokens he can save to earn a special treat can work in the short term to modify unwanted behavior. You just want to avoid getting into a system of "paying" him to behave. Kids are smart and he will learn to up his price or that his effort is not worth whatever you are offering. But in the short term in might help him refocus on what he should be doing. Does that make sense?
You are both tired in the evenings and yelling with a 4 yo is absolutely pointless; you know that. You are also human and get frustrated just like he does. Give yourself a break and he will pick up on your more relaxed demeanor and things will improve.

Michelle - posted on 02/05/2018

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So do you work? You said you were a fulltime Mum but he goes to daycare 5 days a week.

Tina - posted on 02/05/2018

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Hi Sarah E. thanks for your reply, I do often give him the heads up "bath time" or time to get ready for school, and can be very defiant most of the time. It usually turns into a yelling match or I simply force myself to walk away from him. if you say this is normal and he will grow out of it I will look forward to that time.:) bedtime is not the best time like other children, by the time I get home with him, cook dinner its around 7ish to eat then by 8- 815 bath time, bed time usually is around 9. I know that is very late for a young child but I don't have any other way to get him to bed earlier without giving him dinner. I do believe that he just wants to spend either as much time with me as he can and that is completely understandable. but I look at other boys in his class and see that they are much more calmer than he is. He is very hyper in class too from time to time. I think its all the energy bottled up in him.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2018

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A lot of what you describe is typical behavior. Kids will be way more emotional or short fused when hungry, tired or unable to express themselves. If he is going to daycare, then he is getting enough activity so I'd don't think boredom would be an issue. Overtired? How much sleep does he get in a 24 hour period.
You can try to lessen the explosions by offering choices and giving him a heads up a few times before a situation is going to change. So rather than tell him it is bath-time; you can say when we are done with this game, it is time to get ready for bed, do you want to read or take your bath first? It will give him a sense of control and my improve the following directions. Good Luck!

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