4 year old doesn't listen to me

Tami - posted on 03/24/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 4 years old and choses to act bad mostly with just me or when I'm around. She knows how to behave because everyone tells me how good She is with them but the moment it's just me with the kids or I am around she acts up. I taken toys and tablet away, time outs, earlier bed time and nothing works. When I discipline her and ask her to,repeat what I said she can't she says I don't know or,something that has nothing to do with what we are talking about. Any advice would be great.

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Sarah - posted on 03/24/2016

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in addition to Rayes advice, IMO ditch the early bedtime threat. By the time bedtime comes, she probably has forgotten earlier events of the day. At 4, for discipline to be effective, it must be immediate.

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Ev - posted on 03/24/2016

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I doubt that it has to do with her brother then. If it had, you would have noted a lot of things going crazy back then. If she plays good with him most of the time then it is not her brother.

Tami - posted on 03/24/2016

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it really change when I was pregnant with her brother and was really sick and couldn't do much and then he was born. But I spend time alone with her and play with her and him together. So not sure. Only thing that change was her brother land he is almost two now

Sarah - posted on 03/24/2016

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At 4 her behavior is likely to be at her worst with her parents because she knows your love in unconditional. If you have been consistent with discipline and never give in to her tantrums and she is not modifying her behavior, then like Evelyn said, there is something else going on.

Tami - posted on 03/24/2016

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That's one thing we don't do is give into her at all. She does something she gets punish right away. She is just getting worst everyday and showing our almost two year old how to act that way so he is following her footsteps.

Raye - posted on 03/24/2016

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Keep being consistent with consequences. It's going to seem like it doesn't work for a while at first, because she's used to you giving in and she feels it's only a matter of time before you will give again. She will push your buttons to make you back down. Don't back down. And try not to show much emotion at all. If she gets you worked up, then she's getting what she wants.

I sort of understand you making her repeat what you said, but I think this is you being stubborn. Of course she hears you. Of course she's going to be defiant and not do as you ask. If you want her to acknowledge the rule she's breaking and/or why she's receiving punishment, then you just calmly say to her something like "You didn't pick up your toys as I told you to. Instead you threw a tantrum. Now you must sit in Time Out for 3 minutes, then you must still pick up your toys. Do you understand?" All she needs to say is yes or no. If she doesn't answer, then up the time. "You didn't answer me, now your Time-Out will be 4 minutes." Don't continue asking, just enact the punishment. Get a kitchen timer and set the dial to the length of time and set it in view of where she's sitting so she knows how much time she has. Then ignore her unless she gets out of her seat early. If that happens, sit her back down and start the time over. Even if you have to do it 50 times in a row, stay calm and keep sitting her down. Then she must still pick up her toys.

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