4yo possible ADHD help with disapline.

Kandi - posted on 08/05/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 4yo little boy who may be possible ADHD. He doesnt listen always in trouble always getting yelled at. Back talking. Throws a fit until he gets what he wants. screaming crying etc. Timeouts do not work for him, yelling never gets me anywhere, taking stuff away he could care less. I am completely againest spanking to any extent unless its fingers. Im wondering if anyone has any help!?

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Cherish - posted on 08/05/2012

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Hi,
Have you read the books "the explosive child" or "parenting with love and logic"?
You said he throws fit until he gets what he wants,so maybe he has learned that if he has a tantrum long enough that he will get his way.
I would ignore any neg behavior as long as he is not really hurting himself or others.Do not give him ANY attention(good or bad,and yelling at him is attention)while he is having a tantrum.Try to "catch" him being good and give him alot of praise like"I like how you are sharing your toys"..(or whatever) when he is being good.

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Lisa - posted on 08/05/2012

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The first thing to get is that every behavior is driven by a positive intention. In order to effectively deal with the behavior, you must first understand what is driving it.

If you even suspect ADHD, it is more than likely that, at the very least, he has the ADHD personality style. This means he has a very different comunication style, a different learning style, a different stress response--essentially, a different way of perceiving his world and processing information.

With this type of child, the old parenting rules cease to apply. You're living with a creative, outside the box thinker who can process and digest information 400 times faster than you can speak. (watch his eyes when you speak, they'll look up to the right and then down to the left) He's evaluating what you're saying before you're even done saying it.

You're correct in realizing that you can't punish him into submission. He will certainly outlast you and ultimately will turn on you. You're best bet is to learn how to communicate with him, to gain his trust, to build rapport, to hold those important boundaries and most important to understand and appreciate his abilites as well as his limitations.

For more information, there's a web site for parents, http://www.atutoringplace.com

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