4yr old daugher's "personal issue"


Alison - posted on 10/15/2010




Really? You think she'll become bored? :)
The advice I have heard is to teach her that it is only appropriate to touch herself like that when she is in her bedroom. Also, teach her that it is important to have clean hands.

Kelina - posted on 10/16/2010




my neice does it. Actually it drives my sister nuts, lol, but she has a huge duck stuffy in her bedroom and they usually find her fast asleep on it in the morning or after naps. Guess what she does to go to sleep? She's four as well. It's a normal part of exploring your body. I'm excited for the day when my son can understand that it's private so it needs to stay in his bedroom. right now he's only 20 months so that doesn't work when i still need to change diapers and supervise baths! My cousin is a daycare attendant and at the daycare they just let the kids know that if they want to do that they need to do it in private which means at home. I think some kids will grow out of it and some kids won't but you deinitely don't want to tell her there's something wrong wth it, because she'll most likely make the jump from there being something wrong with doing it to there being something wrong with her. Good luck!

Jenn - posted on 10/15/2010




But Brandy, what about when she's even older? Do you want her to think it's yucky to masturbate? Do you want her to think it's inappropriate to learn about her own body and what works and what doesn't, and what feels good? Do you or have you never done it?? I mean, I know there is a very small percentage of people who truly don't do it, but that's a VERY small percentage.

Jenn - posted on 10/15/2010




What I told my son when he started this was that it was a private thing that you do in private - so go to your room if you want to do that. I had to remind him several times, but never made an issue about it. I don't want him to think there's anything wrong with doing it, just that you don't do it in front of other people.

Carol - posted on 10/15/2010




She's just exploring her body.Kinda like when they discover their feet.Don't make it a big deal .After awhile she will become bored & interest will be somewhere else.Ofcourse it doesn't hurt to help find interest in something else.This to will pass.Good luck.


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Amanda - posted on 10/18/2010




Tell her to go to her bedroom to do that. No biggy, just explaint that is something we do in private like our bedrooms.

Renae - posted on 10/18/2010




In addition to all of the other mums advice, while teaching her that this is something to do in private, its also a good time to make sure she clearly understands that it is something only she is allowed to do to herself and that noone else is ever allowed to, no matter what they say and that she should always run away and tell mummy straight away if anyone tries.

@ Krista - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Clever response!

KARI - posted on 10/17/2010




It`s OK for her to do that as it feels good and she is discovering her sexuaity. Don`t get mad at her,it`s natural, just tell her that if she wants to do that, it is a private issue and she needs to go into her room for this and not do it in front of people.

Jenn - posted on 10/16/2010




@ Brandy - by telling her it's "yucky" you are telling her that it's bad. And you're right - it's your choice what to tell her. But I don't see how telling her it's a private thing vs a "yucky" thing is encouraging her to do it.

@Sherri - of course you don't want kids doing that while at daycare because then they aren't doing it in private. Perhaps you could let them know this is something they do in private at their own house. Just a suggestion.

Jessica - posted on 10/16/2010




Talk to her about it. Is she exploring or is it itchy/painful? It's normal to explore but let her know it's not something to do in front of other people. Don't tell her it's bad or dirty, just private.
Sometimes they can have infections and don't know how to tell us!

User - posted on 10/16/2010




She could just be exploring, or it could be something more like an yeast infection, or other type of infection that is bothering her. Be considerate of her feelings, but ask her about it. She is young enough that she wouldn't know if it were an infection or not.

Brandy - posted on 10/15/2010




jen i dont care if my daughter wants to touch herself, im not going to tell her its bad, im simply not going to encourage it and i dont see a reason that i should have a talk with her about it unless there is some kind of a problem, my hopes are that being she is only 20 months at this time that if i tell her not to do it she will keep it private because its no different than picking her nose i can tell her to stop but that doesnt mean she wont do it when nobody is looking. it is a personal and private thing as is all sexual matters as far as i am concerned and eventually she will have a real understanding of that. until then, im not going to encourage her to do it and as her mother i have the right to that decision.

Alecia - posted on 10/15/2010




HAHAHA.....no, she wont prbly wont grow bored of it. it just needs to be a "private" matter. once i started i never stopped, and for a loong time i thought it was only me and that i was "weird"...but i def learned different ;)

Sherri - posted on 10/15/2010




Carol don't worry I would ignore some of the other comments they tend to do it as toddlers and then it stops for a very long time. So I agree they lose interest.

Stephanie I tell them they have to leave it alone. However, before I get attacked I run a home daycare and can not risk under any circumstances some wrong doing. So the rules must be strict here. They can't do it in the privacy of there rooms either since all the children nap in my son's bedroom. So rule is leave it alone and I distract them with another activity.

Krista - posted on 10/15/2010




After awhile she will become bored & interest will be somewhere else

Really? I'm 35 and haven't gotten bored of it yet.

JuLeah - posted on 10/15/2010




Very normal .... at age four, she can be told that if she wants to do that, please do so in her room, while in the bath .... explain that it is a human thing, all people touch themselves, but it is something we do when alone. It might also be an okay time to talk with her about how, unless there is a medical reason, no one should be touching her like that and no one should be asking that she touch them. No reason to be embarressed ... we are sexual from the time we are born .... it likely feels good to her if you rub her back or tummy, or feet, or head .... for her right now, I think it is all like of the same thing

Brandy - posted on 10/15/2010




my 20month olds been doing this as well but shes so young i just tell her yucky the same way i do with her finger in her nose. and i personally will teach her its inappropriate if it continues after shes older, i dont want her to get an infection or make herself sick or hurt herself, and i certainly dont want her to have issues during sleep overs. i also believe if she knows its not appropriate for her its definately not appropriate from others.

Tracey - posted on 10/15/2010




If the body part is covered by underwear you don't touch it out there, ie do it in private. You could also use this to teach her body safety so that no-one else can touch those body parts.

Aimee - posted on 10/15/2010




My daughter "wiggles" every time she's in her booster seat (has a 5 point harness). She's much more "inquisitive" than her brother at that age, but he has ASD so that may be a factor. When I catch her outside of the seat, I remind her that she needs to do that when she's alone, like in her room.

Amy - posted on 10/15/2010




The other moms have offered you some great advice. I have told my son that it's not something he does around other people and that he needs to go someplace private like his bedroom. It's completely normal for them to explore their bodies. On a funny note my son was playing with himself one morning and his father told him to stop or go into his room and my son responded with "but dad look I can make it stand up", needless to say I had to walk away!

Tracy - posted on 10/15/2010




Don't make a big deal out of it, or make her feel ashamed/dirty. I taught my son that his body is his, and it's prefectly fine to touch himself. Just not while Mom is laying next to him reading to him..... When he's alone in his room, or in the bathroom, have a ball. But around other people, no. My girl is just getting to that stage, and I'm starting the same lesson.

Betty - posted on 10/15/2010




When my 5 year old picks her nose in front of people I just say, "don't let people see you doing that". If I caught her exploring herself I would say the same thing.
Make sure there isn't a lingering infection causing this.

Nicki - posted on 10/15/2010




you might want to talk to her about it she might have infection I also think it's somthing all kids do at some point I think that my daughter was 4 when she told me that she had a found a hole and wanted to know what it was for. I have also caught her touching herself and I asked her why she was doing it and she said that it felt funny and laughed. i don't think you have anything to worry about its a part of growing up and discovering them self I remeber hering about other kids doing it to.

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