4yr old, lived with grandma moved across country with dad and stepmom having adjustment issues.

Amanda - posted on 12/19/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 4yr old stepson has been living with his maternal grandma for the past two years with very little rules or structure. He didn't have a room so he slept with his grandma on there couch.
My husband works so I'm at home with the little man. Getting him to take a nap is like pulling teeth. He naps at the same time every day but getting him to his bed is the problem. He kicks, hits, screams I don't have to be nice to you, you're not my friend, I want to sleep on the couch, threatens to break things (today it was my iPhone) then starts screaming that he wants to go home and that he wants his grandma. Today I found him ripping up books and breaking things.

I normally stay in the room till he calms down, I'll clean up, or read a book on my own. Letting him know I'm close and when he calms down we can talk.

How do my husband and I get him to respect me?


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Jodi - posted on 12/19/2014




I agree with the others. First, I had to STOP my son's naps at that age because he was a nightmare in the evenings to get to bed. Once I stopped the naps, he slept wonderfully at night and there was no more bedtime stress. Most 4 year olds do not still nap.

Secondly, on the moving away from grandma, just remember he has spent half his life with grandma, with grandma's rules, with certain rules, etc. You haven't mentioned how long you guys have had him, but wouldn't YOU be upset with being uprooted from your regular routine and being told it all has to change and you can't even see grandma regularly any more? He's possibly feeling some anger, some uncertainty, maybe even abandoned by grandma. The poor child is possibly suffering some trauma. You need to give him time and a lot of love. Just stick with the routine, love him and be gentle. He is suffering. It will pass, but he needs you to hang in there for him. He is likely testing you too.

Amy - posted on 12/19/2014




I agree with Dove without knowing the whole background, it sounds like he was taken away from all he's known. You're going to have to have lots of patience with him and continue to just be there for him. As far as the naps go it may be time to give them up and just adjust his bed time for te crankiness you'll likely experience at night. If my 4 year old naps she's up till 9 or later, if not she's in bed by 8.

Dove - posted on 12/19/2014




He's 4... and it sounds like he was just ripped away from the only place he knew as home. You give it time... and a LOT of patience.

Personally I've never had a 4 year old that would nap. My longest napping kid lasted less than 3.5 years... He could very well be outgrowing the nap in addition to the emotional turmoil he's going through.

You have to earn his respect and that takes time. How much time did you and his father spend w/ him while he was living w/ Grandma?

*I normally stay in the room till he calms down, I'll clean up, or read a book on my own. Letting him know I'm close and when he calms down we can talk.

By reading that... it sounds like you are already doing the best thing that you can for him. Letting him know that you aren't budging, but you are staying calm and that you are there FOR him... not against him.

Does he still get to see and talk to Grandma regularly?

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