4yr old stepson is running our house when he visits! SAVE US! !

Count - posted on 10/07/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My fiance and I have been living together for two years now. I have a 6yr old that I have all legal rights to and my fiance has a4yr old from a previous failed marriage. It has been so hard on us because once the ex wife found out about me she started doing everything she could to destroy me. She took my fiance back to court for more child support because she wanted to move out of state and take the child with her. Buy this time we had already been keeping him every weekend and two sometimes three days during the week. She won her case after showing up in court in a leather mini skirt knee high boots and pig tails. Now our wedding has been cancelled twice and we are barely getting buy. Problem now is she is a big spender. What once was a dead relationship and attachment to his mom and fearful at the sight of her has been bought away with massive amounts of toys and trips. His wardrobe is more then I've ever had. Now he comes to the house to visit In new Jordan's or nikes and brAgs to my son about how much better he is and how much smarter hs is. The child won't acknowledge me or as k me for a thing anymore. He gives me dirty looks and when he does want something he never asks. It's tie my shoe now and you give me a snack now. His father stopped discipline because he's moving out of state andrarely gets to see him. My son is really having a hard time with this and i know soon this woman will not be able to handle the monster she created and will pawn him off on us once he's past a point of recovery. Please help us. What do we do?

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Dionne - posted on 10/07/2013

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Hi there! I know your situation because I'm living it. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I have 2 kids, 9 and 11... And a 4 year old stepson and 16 year old step daughter. I read that you should Treat your stepchildren like you would treat your nieces or nephews. As step parents you are not in control of the way that the children are parented by their parents. Be a listening ear, but allow the parent to do the disciplining... That's right...Your fiancée has to be the one to enforce the rules. That being said do what you feel is right, only allow behaviour that you would accept from any child, you are a person and have a right to define your boundaries. When the little guy pushes you to the limit, just tell him politely but firmly.. "That might be ok with Mom or Dad but acting that way is not ok with me". Be clear, and walk away. Unfortunately for us, blended families are often not the Brady Bunch scene we expect! Lol. Hugs to you!

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As far as the demanding statements go, just don't respond. If he tells you to tie his shoe or give him a snack, just say "No" and walk away. Model the behavior you want from him to him, so when you ask him to do something, make sure you ask him the way you want to hear him ask.

If he is bragging to your son about how much better and how much smarter he is, that is a sure sign that he needs some affirmation. Kids who brag excessively do not really believe they are better or smarter, they are trying to prove it not to the people they are bragging to, but to themselves. Try throwing a complement his way every now and again, but at the same time, stick up for your son too. If the step son brags about getting an A on a spelling test, say "Hey, that's great! I bet you worked really hard to get that A. (Son's name) got an A on his Math test this week too." and so on.

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Count - posted on 10/07/2013

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It is very difficult to raise a blended family indeed.I do say no to him a lot and walk away. He has resorted to never talking to me and acting as if i don't exsist. He started screaming in the store because he wanted candy and dad said no. He says his mommy would let him have it then starts screaming that he wants his mother. It's gotten so bad I dont want to be in public with him because dad and mom give him whatever he wants to keep him quiet. We use to go camping together all of the time and have invested in a real nice camper before the ex came after us in court. Now we don't go or at least I don't go anymore because if he goes it turns into a huge fight all weekend. We've waisted thousands of dollars on these trips for the kids and everytime they are ruined because I won't let him treat me or my son like crap to keep the peace. The kid is such a bother now. I'm just not sure how to turn off the stress when he's here. He's moving out of state and our time with him is going to be limited. But I fear it will get worse and i don't know how to get my fiance torealize that what he feels he shouldn't do is actually what he should do to save us all a lot of pain.

Count - posted on 10/07/2013

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I also forgot to mention that CPS was called on her before the court date was set because the boy was claiming that his mother was beating him with toys and he had bruising from it. And she still won the case even with CPS and their statement. We make 40 k a year and pay 1500 a month to her. We got screwed but even worse than that his son has it worse.
I use to love having the boy around but now I get headaches when I know he's coming over. Any time he's here we fight. It's always a fight because dad feels obligated to punish both boys when his is out of line. It's been hard on us all and I can't figure out what i should do.

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