5 month old with grandma for weekend?

Cese - posted on 08/27/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




My hubby wants us to.take a trip.togather. We have small a new lO 5 mths. We have been having serious maritial issuess(secrets affairs and the usual drama) , and a rough time the last 4 year's.Grandparents came up with the idea that we should go away for the long weekend, and try to work things out, for us. After I suggested we split. I feel terrible with the thought of living our kids for so many days! I am.full time in charge, I decided to quit an office job, created a company so I can be with the kids fulltime at home, so I work.from home, and also study, from home. I.can't imagine being away from.them.that long, makes me feel sick. I know since we've been married, 10 years, we have never had actual time for us, which I know is a problem creator. We tried so many times, even a date night, but due to his work, or something always postponed. I know we need to this, but I feel like a horrible person. Feedback would be great, especially if you have ever been in this situation. Thanks.


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Dove - posted on 08/27/2012




I, personally, would not go away for the weekend with one so little. If he can make time for that... He can make time for a regular date night and counseling. Even if 'date night' is watching a movie or playing a game together after the kids are in bed. Sure... a weekend away together is great, but it in itself will not fix your marriage. If you are both committed to making it work then you both need to be committed to taking the small steps that will rebuild this relationship. If that 'can't' happen for whatever reason.... one single weekend away will do nothing and then you'll regret having that time away from your infant on top of a dead marriage.

If the grandparents are willing to watch the kids for a weekend, they should be more than willing to watch them for a few hours once a week while the two of you spend some time together.

Cese - posted on 08/27/2012




Thanks! The feeding is no.issue, it's mainly the whole leaving thing. We have four kids so wince day one I have never left them.more then the time they go to school. I am very super involved mum, or as our eldest puts it "nosey". I know one weekend won't solve 4 yrs of problems, but as my mom puts it ...have to start or stop some where. Thanks! Willl read john Gottman. Thank you so much.

Ivy - posted on 08/27/2012




If your baby is bottle fed then it should make things easier. Or do you have a lot of stored breast milk then that'll help. If not, then your baby is still young enough to need feeding often. Are you comfortable with them supplementing with formula? If you are not, then your child needs to be with you.

I couldn't leave my 5 month old. I had difficulty leaving my 10 month old for 8 hours even though she only fed in the morning and at night. Each mother is different. If you feel you can't leave the baby, then take only the baby with you. If your husband isn't happy with that, then he will have to wait till the baby able to eat more solids and less breastmilk (if you're breastfeeding). If he isn't willing to postpone the weekend and won't take the baby then maybe you had the right idea all along.

A marriage isn't going to be fixed in one weekend when it's taken 10 years to get where you are now. If you two can't make time together, then your relationship won't last. It takes effort on both sides, rescheduling and sticking to it isn't difficult unless one or both don't want to make the effort.

To me it sounds like its been over for awhile and your husband is only going along with it because the parents are involved. Only you two are in your marriage. If you're still willing to work on your marriage, I recommend reading "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver. It is definitely worth a read and you'll be able to see where you can improve your relationship even if that means you're no longer married.

Good luck as you have a long road ahead either way. I wish you all the best.

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