5 year old son acting up in Kindergarten...afraid he's about to be kicked out of school..help!?

Becky - posted on 09/22/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Let me just start off by saying he is not my biological son, he is adopted. His mother is my fiancee's sister, and well, she has some problems of her own. She was a young mother (I believe she was only 17 when she got pregnant with him) and has since then had 4 other children by 4 other men. (she has lost all of them but 2 to the state - we also adopted her oldest daughter to keep them in the family). She does not call or try to really even come see him, even when we have left the door open for her to do so. When he first started living with us he used to ask about her occasionally, but now it is a non-issue. He never mentions her.



This year he started kindergarten (he did not go to pre-k because of his living situation - hes been from home to home (moms, grandpas..etc) with no stability which I'm sure is a problem as well, but hes been with us for about a year now) At the beginning of the year he was doing incredible, coming home with green clippys every single day (clippys = colored pieces of paper that rate how he behaved at school - green being good black being worst and everything in between.) In the last month or so, he has started acting up horribly at school, hitting, talking constantly, writing on the floor, and Friday he decided to pull his pants down in front of little girls and show them his...business. The vice principal called me yesterday and now wants to have a meeting to "evaluate whether or not he should be in the classroom" I am very worried about this. He is very smart, and picks up things very easily, but I am worried he has mental problems (ADHD - skitzophrenia - or something) because when asked here at home and at school he gives the same answer - his brain tells him to do it, and there are bugs crawling around in there telling him to do bad stuff.



Does anyone have any suggestions? We have thought about counseling but I'm not sure that would do any good. I'm even starting to think maybe we should have him tested but I dont even know how or where we would go to have that done.

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Laura - posted on 11/26/2013

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Counseling certainly is appropriate here. What you may get out of it is that because of his prior chaotic living arrangement and now being stable with you, is that he's afraid is new life will go away, so if he submarines it first he has control. The counselor will help you with the testing. Ask for referrals from the school.

(BTW, the pulling down his pants to show off is so common and is not the red flag here)

Becky - posted on 09/23/2012

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The only reason I said counseling may not do anything is because he is very shy, he has a hard time talking to new people. But I am definitly considering it, especially if this behavior continues. Thank you for your input tho. :)

Rebekah - posted on 09/22/2012

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Why discount the counseling without giving it a try? As you mentioned, he's been through a lot in his early years before settling down with you. Having a counselor who is trained to work with young children (whether through play therapy or another means), may be able to help him sort out the root of his behavior. There could be various reasons behind it that he can't articulate since he's only 5, and saying his "brain" tells him to do it or blaming "bugs" may be the best way he can express it right now. Does he manifest those behaviors at home too, or only at school? Another question I would wonder about is if his mother (or father, if known) had any diagnoses that could have possibly been passed down?



See what comes out of the meeting. Having him evaluated might be the next logical step to find out what is really going on. The school should be able to provide that evaluation (school psychologist). If they do not initiate that, you as the parent have a right to request evaluation. It is best to make that request in writing. That being said, another option would be to have him privately evaluated; make sure it is a certified school psychologist (who is able to do academic testing as well as cognitive/emotional testing) or go to a child psychiatrist/psychologist to assess for ADHD or other mental issues. It can be expensive to go the private route, but it is a valuable thing if you are not able to get it through the school...and it may be worth to see what your insurance may cover. Hopefully the assistant principal wasn't really talking about booting him from school...that seems extreme if you haven't even had any meetings with them yet. Perhaps they have an emotional support class they might plug him into? Anyway, hope the meeting goes well... see what they recommend and use whatever leads they can give you.

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