5 Yr old Twin Girls

Tita - posted on 04/16/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

3

0

1

My girl twins have always been aggressive due to being pre mature I believe, but other kids do mean things and they then take it to the next level. My husband and I have a bad marriage and I am sure that plays some, only my girls still want to hit each other and now at pre school they hit on occasion. One of my twin is less dominant and the other has always talked for her and I feel that is part of the reason why she hits. Any great ideas?

4 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2015

3,561

36

3907

Ok, well 29 week premmie is earlier than I had visualised, so it is understandable that there may be effects on their brain development. However, don't assume that this is what is causing the issue. It is perfectly possible to rewire their thinking here with clear and consistent consequences.

Need to stop the spankings. Spanking only reinforces to children that hitting IS okay. Hitting a child as a punishment for hitting teaches absolutely nothing. I agree with Sarah, it does sound like they are playing you. You need consequences other than time out. If they are playing the system, time out means nothing. Maybe a withdrawal of something such as TV time for a day or something similar that they care about will help them link the action with a consequence. Maybe they need to earn the privilege back!

With regard to the bad marriage, their behaviour will only get worse if this continues this way. Children do pick up on it when things aren't right between mummy and daddy. And they will use it to their advantage. If there is anger or aggression between the two of you, this will be enhancing their aggressive behaviour. I would strongly suggest you go to some marriage counselling to help you resolve this one way or the other. Sometimes, a split home is better for the children than a marriage that stays together. If the two of you can't get on the same page, this may be your other option, but you can't continue with your marriage this way and not have it permanently affect your children.

Sarah - posted on 04/17/2015

3,880

14

1082

Lol they are playing you. Saying "mommy I don't mean to hit.....I just do" Is a play....unless their is physical abuse going on between you and your husband. If that is the case then they are modeling your behavior and that won't stop until you change that situation and get counseling for the kids.

Tita - posted on 04/17/2015

3

0

1

Jodi,
First off yes children the are premature especially under 29 weeks are 50% more likely to have behavior problems and to have ADHD and other factors. As spoken directly to myself and my husband from the neonatologist. I have read extensively on premature children and agree that Some don't and some do, but with my husband and I not getting along I agree with what you are saying totally.
As far as our disciplinary measures. My husband and I don't agree here. He believes that spanking is ok and I don't. I feel they pick up on that guilt I have from that. I do time outs in their rooms now or just talking to them about how it hurts and it is not nice. Asking them if they like it when their sister does this to them. My youngest just has a hard time in stopping her hitting. She does not want to, she says, "Mommy I am trying not to hit, I just cant stop. I ensure her she can and that she can do what ever she puts her mind to and that in time she will get better if she truly tries. Also, to say you are sorry as soon as you do it and feel bad about it will help the other party.
I think it will get better but with the paddling I think she is confused! How can I work on this?
TIA

Jodi - posted on 04/16/2015

3,561

36

3907

Children aren't aggressive due to being premmies, unless the result of other factors too. It is generally due to role modelling and anger issues. If you and your husband have a bad marriage, chances are there is some role modelling there of anger, and the reactions to that.

What consequences do you currently have in place for this behaviour?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms