6 year old daughter who falls apart when the slightest thing doesnt go her way.

Jana - posted on 06/04/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

23

0

3

My 6 year old daughter is so bad. When something isn't going her way or changes in a way she doesn't like she falls apart. Seriously screaming, punching, calling names. It is indescribable how quickly she can go from fine to infant tantrum. I know that this is probably because she has had positive feedback in the past to this behavior. My husband is the worst, she will barely start to whine and he gives in immediately. I don't know what to do for her. This behavior is hurting her. I cant go to a store or a restaurant or even a ball game without her ruining it for one or all of us. For example, Last night we were at my oldest daughters softball game which my husband coaches and she decided that she wanted him to hold her. I explained that he was on the field and he couldn't. she started with the crying and I took her to the bathroom and tried to talk her down, but she got more up set and more up set. So I took her to the car with her screaming at me the whole way "I want daddy". I put her in the car and had to stand out side the car and listen to her scream at the top of her lungs for 45 minutes. Missing my daughters whole game. This is a common occurance. I was so embarrassed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated even if I am doing something wrong. I need to fix this for her and the rest of us. I am seriously at my witts end.

8 Comments

View replies by

Lisa - posted on 06/07/2014

61

0

11

I will probably tell every mom I know about a website I found LOL - My daughter is crazy strong willed and I felt like pulling my hair out. She gets angry too. But this site ahapareting had a chant- She acts like a child because she is a child. LOL

It gave me so much freedom :) Because I realized she just has some bad days.

Today my daughter was very tired she probably needed a nap but wouldn't take one. AT dinner she tripped out over everything. She wouldn't listen, kept doing things like standing in her high chair. So I gave her a warning and was very calm and said you have two choices behave like this ( then I described the right way) or go to your room for a few minutes. She had a fit so I took her to her room. I only set the timer for a minute or two, and she was very upset. But I went back in and explained why she was in there and she was better after that.

Sometimes they just have sucky days :) Breathe know it will be ok. But you and your husband do need to be on the same page. Believe me they can tell :)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/06/2014

13,264

21

2015

Get more firm. Enforce consequences each and every time. You should not have left her in the car, you should have taken her home. Yes, you would have missed the game, but you did anyway.

EVERY time, whether it's convenient for you or not, you leave the place where she's throwing a fit, put her in the car and take her home. When she continues to throw the fit, you let her know that not only is she NOT getting her way now, she will NOT get her way in the future if she continues to act as she is. Whether it's restaurants, stores, etc, you need to enforce that you will not tolerate that embarrasing fit that she's throwing for no good reason.

For example: She threw a fit at the ballgame, so for the next ballgame, you get her a sitter. Explain that she demonstrated that she could not control herself and refused to listen to you, so she may not attend this game. If her behaviour with the sitter is acceptable, then she may accompany you to the next game, but if she starts up again, you will take her home again, and that will be the last game she's allowed to attend.

In a restaurant, remove her. Have hubby settle up the bill and get the to go containers, go home. Explain that she was removed from the situation due to her poor behaviour, and that she will not be allowed to attend the next dinner out due to it, then get a sitter and follow the same steps.

Erisreignssupreme - posted on 06/06/2014

58

0

0

dont be embarressed. people will judge and youll feel guilty and thats what the manipulative monster thats on her back wants. it wants to control you. so feeling embaressed and guilty is how it does that. it makes you worry about what people think and then you cant be calm. and you need to be able to accept that the monster is there and be able to face up to her monsters cos shes too small to do that herself. i always think of these things as monsters cos thats what they are like some thing possessing like out of thegremlins moviet. and what feeds it seems to be fear anger impatience guilt etc...what seems to turn it back into a fuzzy little gremlin again. is calm patience understanding more patience more calm and more patience. it hates that. it also gets rid of some of the guilt my kid feels about being such a little monster. by calling the emotion a name and giving it a picture and helping them recognise when that moster is controlling them it helps them take a step back from it rather than feeling like they are amonster they can feel like they have power to tame it. you can make up littel stories about it and make fun things to try to do to make the monster go away ..make it fun and funny...even if it means you end up running around the shop blowing at an invisible monster and getting your daughter to help you ..usually a physical thing is good. once shes learned to recognise the little imp from teh stories has come to visit her you can add ways of defeating it...physical is good cos you have to use energy up. so you could have a tickly feather to tickle the monster..or a baloon to blow up and pop. or some otehr fun way of dealing with it. and screw what anyone in teh shop thinks of you. let em think what they want to think. and you can even have otehr personalities and aspects of personality come into the frame like the little helper fairy who comes and helps her to be kind ..things like that. they seem more able to deal with stories and actions than with language and understanding. hope thats helpful. we have so much fun when the cranky man comes and we have to tickle him away...or the firey angry monster that we blow and blow and blow like a candle till hes gone. then we have cuddles and its great:)

Ev - posted on 06/04/2014

8,008

7

918

And am glad to offer that input but you need to remember that no 2 kids are alike. They are all unique individuals and you have to make things fit them. You can do the same things with both kids but you have to adjust it some to make it work. I have a daughter and son and I did the same things with both but had to adjust it for who they were...and their age differences were 7 years apart.

Jana - posted on 06/04/2014

23

0

3

You are right Evelyn. I just need to be tougher. I have a 10 year old who is an amazing kid. she never gets in trouble and never has. I think I just dropped the ball on my youngest because I just expected her to be like the other and didn't realize something was wrong until I have a real problem on my hands. Thank you for your input.

Ev - posted on 06/04/2014

8,008

7

918

Then you are not going to be able to get this under control before she gets to an age that she will walk all over you because she can and she knows it; even now she knows she wins because you walk off and do not make her understand that her behavior is not acceptable. Until you can stand up to your child and mean what you are saying and going to do; then she knows that she can push until it goes her way. And then when she is an adult she is going to think this is how it all works and the first person she tosses a fit on is going to really tell her about it or she will loose her job and what have you.

Jana - posted on 06/04/2014

23

0

3

your right, she plays us against each other which I feel is worse if we are not united in the decision making. so I usually give in so as not to fight in front of her about her. I am so afraid I have made this her permanent personality. Some times I just walk away because it is to hard to fight both of them. Believe me I have talked to him about this till I am blue in the face, he either doesn't care or thinks I am wrong, and he is completely unwilling to change his ways.

Ev - posted on 06/04/2014

8,008

7

918

It does not sound like she has been given any consequences for her actions and she is far more than old enough to know better.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms