Lisa - posted on 06/14/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
I felt it coming, my meltdown that is and today was the day.
I am a divorced for many years grandmother, disabled with an emotional (anxiety) and brain disorder, which is that the pariatial lobes of my brain are going into atrophy and now have been given guardianship of my drug addicted daughter and father's 18 month old toddler which I fought for tooth and nail to get during Christmas and New Years of 2014-2015.
He was removed by CPS where they live, almost 2,000 miles away in North Dakota and after 2 court hearings, I finally left that frozen, wind battered state with him on January 9th, taking 2 plane trips with an 8 hour lay over and finally reaching Tampa Florida where I had my first crying meltdown once I saw my sister and brother-in-law.
My boy is so quick to learn, so funny, loves an audience, does not play with his toys for long and is like a little baby chimp, always grabbing onto my arm. He is so attached to me, that I do not even have time to eat. I used to weight 141 pounds and now weigh 112 and look like a scary walking dead woman with disheveled hair and clothing which are always lose fitting because of the large and fast amount of weight loss. (Excess skin hanging from my boney arms to my knees)
I felt my melt down coming about 2 weeks ago, building up slowly and today, it happened.
I yelled at my 18 month old, telling him to shut up and just started crying when he fussed and fought during nap time. He looked startled yet tried to comfort me ad I wept by kissing my arm and rubbing it. All I could do was to run my hand through his golden hair and try to contain my sobs.
I felt do not have anyone to help me except for my mother, who is 84 and whom I had to move in with 2 weeks after getting him.
The pediatrician told me he was perfect and not a drug baby. She said my daughter was lucky because she was a neurological R.N. in a children's hospital ward and knows what drug babies look and behave like and that he just woke up one day and realized that he was the sun and everyone had to revolve around him.
I need advice ad to how to deal with his normal activity without feeling overwhelmed.
Someone please help me with some advice!
I never want this to happen again and I am also so attached to him that I just will not place him into a baby day care where I do not see how he is being cared for.