60 years old and raising a very active 18 month old boy

Lisa - posted on 06/14/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I felt it coming, my meltdown that is and today was the day.
I am a divorced for many years grandmother, disabled with an emotional (anxiety) and brain disorder, which is that the pariatial lobes of my brain are going into atrophy and now have been given guardianship of my drug addicted daughter and father's 18 month old toddler which I fought for tooth and nail to get during Christmas and New Years of 2014-2015.
He was removed by CPS where they live, almost 2,000 miles away in North Dakota and after 2 court hearings, I finally left that frozen, wind battered state with him on January 9th, taking 2 plane trips with an 8 hour lay over and finally reaching Tampa Florida where I had my first crying meltdown once I saw my sister and brother-in-law.
My boy is so quick to learn, so funny, loves an audience, does not play with his toys for long and is like a little baby chimp, always grabbing onto my arm. He is so attached to me, that I do not even have time to eat. I used to weight 141 pounds and now weigh 112 and look like a scary walking dead woman with disheveled hair and clothing which are always lose fitting because of the large and fast amount of weight loss. (Excess skin hanging from my boney arms to my knees)
I felt my melt down coming about 2 weeks ago, building up slowly and today, it happened.
I yelled at my 18 month old, telling him to shut up and just started crying when he fussed and fought during nap time. He looked startled yet tried to comfort me ad I wept by kissing my arm and rubbing it. All I could do was to run my hand through his golden hair and try to contain my sobs.
I felt do not have anyone to help me except for my mother, who is 84 and whom I had to move in with 2 weeks after getting him.
The pediatrician told me he was perfect and not a drug baby. She said my daughter was lucky because she was a neurological R.N. in a children's hospital ward and knows what drug babies look and behave like and that he just woke up one day and realized that he was the sun and everyone had to revolve around him.
I need advice ad to how to deal with his normal activity without feeling overwhelmed.
Someone please help me with some advice!
I never want this to happen again and I am also so attached to him that I just will not place him into a baby day care where I do not see how he is being cared for.

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Lisa - posted on 07/08/2015

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Dear~♥Little Miss Can't Be Wrong♥~
Thank you for your advice and understanding.
It is great to know I have a place to come to when I feel overwhelmed, puzzled or stuck..
Being active at my age and physical condition is easier said than done but I push myself to take him to the playground, community pool or at least for a drive until I see a spot where we could run around (he could run around, while I trot) at and explore bugs, earthworms, and all those little bugs that he is so curious about.

Lisa - posted on 07/08/2015

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Thank you for your supportive words Deborah and forgive me for taking so long to reply but I just don't seem to have enough time for anything.
I will have a look at Carrie Conteys today.
I really need help. My weight and energy loss worries me but my doctor has tested me for everything and fortunately all I have is high blood pressure.
I am 5'6" tall and weigh 112 pounds which is perhaps a desired weight for some but I looked and felt much better when I was at 130.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/15/2015

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Great job on getting legal custody! That is wonderful for the both of you, even if at times it is overwhelmingly hard. If you can, maybe get him into a daycare program where he can go, learn, interact with other children and most importantly....be active! Everyone needs help every now and again. This will help socialize him so he is maybe not so attached and gives you some space, and it will help you get some much needed time to yourself to take care of YOU. You have taken on a huge task raising him, but I am sure this is the best place for him. He is better off with you clearly, but that does not mean you don't need time for yourself. Good luck love!

Deborah - posted on 06/15/2015

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I really feel for you as you are going through so much right now. It is hard at that stage of development when you are a young mum so I understand the challenge that it must bring you.

I would like to suggest that you look for any ways that you can get help or company in your local area.

Also have a look at Carrie Contey's website and blog. She helped me through the very difficult first years. The most important thing is that you care for yourself wherever you can even in small ways so that you have a cup that is full enough to give in all the ways that you are being asked to give right now.

Don't blame yourself and go over and over what happened. This was a warning sign on the dashboard that you need more care.

It really comes across how much you care for this little one and are doing all you can to give him the best future that you can. Do your best to focus on that.

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