7 year old acting different at my house

Liz - posted on 08/27/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

5

0

1

Hi, I'm new here. I don't have much of a support system and this is one of the few outlets I can think of.

My 7 year old daughter has been showing signs of anxiety lately and has been somewhat lashing out at me. She gets overwhelmed easily and will hyperventilate until I calm her down. Her thoughts seem to race and she has told me on several occasions, "I don't love you, no I do love you." She gets angry at herself after she does this. One minute she's defiant and angry with me. The next she is very clingy and sometimes won't let me go to the bathroom by myself. Her dad and I split when she was a baby and I've tried to talk to him and I've gotten nowhere and his response is that she's fine at my house and its my issue. I never get angry with her for behavior and try to provide reassurance and try to validate her feelings. I try to help her express what she's feeling while trying to find out what exactly is going on. I try to redirect her but I unfortunately am not successful all the time.

A little background- she has been through several major changes over the last year. Last Fall, her father, who had previously elected not to spend as much time as the court had granted him, decided he was going to take more time with our daughter. He did this without discussion but just on the basis that he had a court order stating he could. In the course of a year, my daughter has gained a new sister, stepmom, been moved 3x by him, been to 2 schools, experienced the death of a family member and a family pet. She at one point was with me 90% of the time and now it's a little bit more than 50%. There were lawyers involved and unfortunately, there is still stuff to be settled.

I'm not trying to bash her father but felt that all the changes she's been through was pertinent to what the current situation is. I guess my questions would be does anyone have any thoughts as to why she lashes out here with me and only me and does anyone have any suggestions to help my daughter? Any advice is appreciated.

6 Comments

View replies by

Dove - posted on 08/28/2016

11,620

0

1348

Counseling would definitely be my recommendation as well. I'm assuming by your comment that you have joint legal custody? This would definitely be worth bringing up in court to get her some help.

Though I would first suggest seeing if she could talk to the guidance counselor at school... you may need his permission for that as well, but I am unsure of how that all works since I have full legal custody.

She falls apart w/ you because you are her safe zone. Keep on comforting her and reassuring her. There are obviously negative behaviors (like if she gets violent towards you) that you must have firm consequences for, but for the things you've mentioned... go ahead and just hug/hold her if she will let you. I do not have the same circumstances as you do, but I HAVE recently discovered that if I offer to snuggle my 8 year old son at the first sign of an issue I can head off 'most' of the battles we have.

Liz - posted on 08/28/2016

5

0

1

I agree it's not the school in itself causing this. I think it's a culmination of all these changes and hopefully it's just an adjustment period. Thank you for your input.

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2016

3,553

8

3244

That wouldn't be the cause of the problems then. The way you wrote it, it was like a big deal. I changed school 3 times in one year because we moved and kids adjust.
Maybe she does get angry at his house but he just doesn't see it.

Liz - posted on 08/27/2016

5

0

1

He also unfortunately refused to consent to counseling during mediation. I'd have to bring it up in court, which I plan on doing.

Liz - posted on 08/27/2016

5

0

1

She went to private school for kindergarten because at the time it made the most sense. Her dad did not want to pay for private school and the public schools are very good where we live. I couldn't afford to keep her there without his help.

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2016

3,553

8

3244

You seem to be the most stable part of her life and that's probably why she lashes out at you. That's where she feels the most comfortable.
I would suggest getting her into counseling to help her though the emotional rollercoaster she has been through.
Why has she been to 2 schools? If you are doing shared care then you really need to be living close enough so that she can go to the same school. No judge would rule for different schools.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms