7 year old has anger issues and singles herself out of the group

Bridget - posted on 03/21/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have 4 children. 3 girls and 1 boy. My kids fight, I think like most siblings * I am an only child* but she has taken this same dynamic to school. I also notice that she will hang back when it comes to groups of other girls, telling me that she is afraid they wont like her. Because of her aggression most of her classmates have avoided her. I feel horrible for her, she seems to be alienating herself from all of her classmates as well but is really a good kid with a great heart. I don't know what to do to help her..anyone have these kinds of issues with their children?

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Louise - posted on 03/28/2011

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I think you need to boost her confidence and the way you could do this is by sending her to a club that will give her a feeling of pride and belonging. At 7 she could join the Brownies or Sea cadets or scouts as they now accept girls and boys. These groups are designed to bring out the best in this age group by letting them work towards badges of achievement. My younget son went to sea cadets and he loved it, this is a mixed group of boys and girls and they did things like canoeing and camping and archery and walking. The girls had just as much fun as the boys and tended to stay until they were to old and had to move onto venture scouts. It really brought my son out of his shell and gave him confidence and self esteem. A club that just your daughter goes to will be enough to encourage her to do well and just be something for her to look forward to. It also gives her a social life outside of school friends.

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Rose - posted on 08/29/2013

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My 11 year old daughter has a hard !! Time going to bed driving me crazy has to have TV on all the she's been like this since she was born help! Whaaaaat to do? I'm going to snap one this days why can't she go to sleep like normal kids?

Bridget - posted on 03/28/2011

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Bridget thank you so very much for your encouraging words! My ex husband is also more sensitive to her needs, I believe because he has the patience and me, being a woman, kind of know where some of the drama is coming from and tend to be less receptive. *as horrible as that may sound*. I also have had to become more aware of my own actions as children are a reflection of us and how we act towards them. I sometimes feel helpless because I am the primary caregiver and their father only see's them a couple days a month, but refuse to ever give up and will continue the process of defusing situations and averting catastrophe lol It's "nice" to know that I am not alone with this type of behavior.

Bridget - posted on 03/28/2011

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Hi, Bidget I also am a mother of a 7yr. old who has had severe anger issues, we tried counseling at the school when we didn't know what else to do im not sure that helped so much but it was not a very good school counselor in my opinion, anyways we are still trying to find her a public activity outlet to help express herself i do truly believe these are great for the kids esteem and social growing speaking personally from a socially deprived perspective one of the best things we did for her was to support her emotionally and her father was better at this than I was and i also struggled with anger issues and admitted we as her parents were also learning as she was how to control our behaviors and learn that they have consequenses and firm behavior timeouts was also a good tool i believe in curving her behavior. I wish you the best of luck and remember they are still young and are growing just be there for them spend time with them, and things will work out.

Bridget - posted on 03/28/2011

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Agreed Louise, which is why I lead her girl scouts daisy troop this year. I have literally thought of everything I can to get her into a group outside of her sibling dynamics. This is where I've actually noticed her walking around the outside of the group, literally will watch from "afar" as these girls gab and giggle. Of course, these are all girls that she is in school with and I am there which may alter her behavior? Idk, I am at a point where I just feel so bad. I try to boost her self confidence by telling her how fun and smart and pretty she is but I often wonder if that is doing more damage than good. Thank you so much for the post though as I need any help or insight I can get!

Bridget - posted on 03/28/2011

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Thanks Shannin. I actually had her to one session, which is the, get background info, session, and agree that this is a good direction for all of us to go in. Her father and I both have tempers so I knew that it would undoubtedly get into my kids DNA, I guess I just wasn't prepared for the intensity. Thanks for your thoughts. :)

Shannintipton - posted on 03/27/2011

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Hi Bridget, I am no expert but I might think about getting her some counseling. If you think there is a real problem then some counseling my be the answer. I dont think it would make the situation any worse if it didnt work. Everyone could probably use counseling, I know I could. {:+)
Good luck
shannin tipton

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