7 year old step daughter peeing pants everyday!! What can I do!?

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/30/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hi guys, I'm really struggling with my 7 year old step daughter and her peeing her pants up to 5 times a day. She goes to school and has no accidents because it would embarrass her in front on the other kids. So we know that she can do it and it isn't a physical problem. When I remind her to go she FREAKS out and insists she doesn't have to so I started a new rule that she must try to go every hour. When I tell her it's time to go she will cry hysterically, throw things , slam the toilet lid. She will sit on the toilet and say she doesn't have to go and then pee her pants 10 min later. I know it has something to do with her wanting to be in control , and her mom , dad , and I are at our wits end. She has even encouraged two other little girls she met at the park to pee their pants which got them sent home early and was humiliating for me! We have taken her to a counselor and he gave us the same things to try we have all ready been doing! I have tried time out, taking things away, rewarding her when she does well, and totally ignoring it ( maybe she was doing it for attention), and honestly when she throws the temper tantrums I have almost spanked her which both of her parents have all ready resorted to. My house is in constant chaos over this and I ran out of ideas ! Please please please help!

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/30/2013

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I do feel that things should be handled a little more consistently by her parents, I honestly feel I have been the most consistent with the situation . It's hard on her dad To discipline since he doesn't live with her full time and doesn't want to be disciplining her while she's here for the whole duration . I tried explaining to him that he's not doing her Any favors in the long run if he wants to be a pal more than a dad, but it's complicated And I don't want to tell him how to parent his child

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Rose Treasea - posted on 08/24/2014

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You should let her pee her pants every day so she can not use the toilet just her pants I think you should put it on YouTube as 7 year old girl pees pants everyday you will get lots of hits I promise you that should put it up right now and I will be your 1st person to put a like on it

Rose Treasea - posted on 08/24/2014

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I,would let her pee her pants so she will learn het lesson to use the toilet roll instead of her pants if you do pit it on YouTube so every ne can see it put it under 8 year old weets pants

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/30/2013

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Yes we are sure it's not physical , that is the first thug er checked for. We checked for Urinary track infection, had ultrasound of kidneys . We have a very hard time getting her to talk about the problem. She wi either say she doesn't wet her pants or change the subject and tell us she doesn't want to talk about it. We stopped seeing the psychologist bc g
Her mom felt he wasn't a good fit and wasn't helping the situation. The making her do her own laundry is a good idea when we take her places and she wets I used to take extra clothes and just change her but now we gi home immediately which is frustrating for the other kids who have to leave since there is only one of me. She will also wet on the furniture , and it's not just a few dribbles ; she will empty her entire bladder right there on the couch , kitchen chairs, and bed.

Dove - posted on 03/30/2013

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Oh... I'd also like to add... my daughter WITH the physical problem... never did it at school either (past Kindergarten at least), but she wasn't doing it on purpose.... we also had wet beds on occasion until 8.5 though.

Has anyone asked her why she is doing this? Has she been checked out by a doctor to be SURE there isn't a physical issue at play here.

Dove - posted on 03/30/2013

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Personally.... I wouldn't make her go every hour and just make her responsible for clean up and doing her own laundry. Make it her problem. She will either stop.... or be taking care of it, so no one else has to deal with it.

Stop fighting with her. Finding another counselor (though I don't know why you stopped seeing that one) might be a good idea... if you think there is another issue at play you could have her evaluated by a developmental child psychologist.

When my 5 year old throws a fit he has to go to bed until he's done. He's always been quite stubborn with a wicked temper, but it doesn't get him anywhere.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/30/2013

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I wish I could figure out what to do here. I hate the argueing and temper tantrums! I feel like I need to find a way to at least get her to respect the rule of going every hour without throwing major fits until she does it on her own. What do you think is the best way of handling consequences for throwing the tantrums? I feel I have tried everything And do far none of the consequences have been effective enough To get her Ti stop. I have mentioned a few times that if she wants to act like a baby then I'll put her in diapers and she was not happy at all. Should I put a "diaper" on her to show her we mean business , I really think maybe the idea that someone finding out she had Ti wear a diaper would stop the attitude and temper tantrums but I don't want to be cruel either! I'm very confused and no she isn't in counseling anymore. We all agreed we needed to find a different counselor or talk with her dr to see if maybe sort of ADHD or a similar disorder could bd the culprit. I also think its kind of hard for me bc im the step mom and I don't want her to feel im over stepping my boundaries . Her mom always tells me she's thankful that I love her daughter and I'm very actively involved in her life do she wants me to discipline as I see fit even if that means a spanking. I really don't like the idea of spanking and especially when the parent is angry( which I am very angry when she is slamming things and screaming and she has even spit on me during one of the battles)

Dove - posted on 03/30/2013

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It sounds a lot like she is wanting to have more control over her life. Her home life may be 'stable', but something is off... at least in her thought process. Is she STILL in counseling?

I have a daughter that 'dampened' her pants for years (not wet on purpose)... up to even 9 years old. It was a developmental issue with her bladder that just had to disappear with time.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/30/2013

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The counselor talked to her alone , and then we had 2 meetings where her 3 parents talked just adults with him. Honestly her life is very stable considering her parents not being together . Her mom , dad, and I all get along very well. We frequently take my daughter , my step daughter, and her moms son on play dates. She struggles with following the rules more than the average child , I don't know if this has any significance to the pants peeing or not. We started to think it was more than just accidents when she was 4 going on 5 and still peeing her pants . She has three loving parents who co parent very nicely and I really don't think her home life is the problem? Could it be part of her personality that she feels a need to control the situation bc she fights us on many things such as brushing her teeth, getting her hair brushed , she will fight tooth and nail about getting of the tub , basically anything she doesn't feel like doing is a major fight with her parents ending up very frustrated. I guess I'm concerned too bc I don't want it to have an impact on her self esteem. I don't want her to grow up and feel different or anything bc she peed her pants for such a long time. I'm very confused and when she throws the temper tantrums after being asked to go to the bathroom I feel at wits end to be honest

Dove - posted on 03/30/2013

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Has the counselor asked her why she is doing this? Is he/she talking to her alone.... or with you/one of her parents present? How long did you all ignore it for? How much control does she have in other areas of her life?

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