7 year old still poops in pants & tries holding it...HELP PLEASE...

Jeena - posted on 11/05/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have a 7 year old stepson who still poops in his pants every day. He actually 'holds' it and can for a long time. My spouse and I have tried everything, the reward system (but he gets whatever he wants at home with mom, he's the 'prince' there), the punishment, talked to school psychologist, everything. We even all (so me, dad, mom, my 5 month old son) went for counseling. During the 3 sessions he made it all about eating more fiber, making him sit on the toilet and giving him treat in his mouth when he did (like a little baby which is what we are trying to get him to stop acting like), the sessions only lasted 3 times and the doc stopped taking us because he realized he couldn't help. It was basically me doing all the research, talking to his doc, etc and they were all just agreeing with my theory and agreeing. Now I just tell him, your stomach hurts b/c you haven't pooped in 5 days, so you have 15 minutes to go or I take you to the hospital. He goes, fills up the toilet! the problem is he is treated like a baby at home, he's the prince. He tells us that he only brushes his teeth 1 day at home (he has already have cavities), the mom still WIPES his butt clean, and he still sleeps in bed with mom. At our house, he has to take responsibility for his body, that means brushing teeth in the AM and PM, cleans himself...etc. you get the point at home. But back to the main, VERY FRUSTRATING POINT, that we can't go anywhere without worrying. We have tried everything, we have actually caught him hiding standing in a corner crossing his legs, trying to hold it! We don't get it. When Dad gave enema's we would leave him to sit and checked in and caught him standing trying to hold it again...now when he has an 'accident' which means streaks in his underwear meaning he had to poop and held it, I tell him to go sit and that he has 15 minutes or he goes to the hospital because we won't allow him to hurt his little body. He goes, every time and what comes out it amazing...no one could hold that much..I don't understand. HELP PLEASE, is anyone going through this or have suggestions? Otherwise, he's such a great kid...but this is so INCREDIBLY IRRITATING, FRUSTRATING, ....ON AND ON ON..PLEASE HELP...


Ariana - posted on 11/07/2012




This is more difficult because he's not in your care the majority of the time...

I might start by telling him that he's the one responsible for his bowel movements. It sounds like this has become a big power struggle. Kids tend to hold their bowel movements because they don't feel control in their regular life. So you should take away the power struggle.

I might keep up with the thing you were doing where he has 15 minutes or he's going to the hospital to keep him from danger but otherwise leave it up to him.

If he poops his pants or leave streaks have him clean it up.

You might also want to try to give him more control in other areas of his life while he's with you. Just give him options in some of the things he does.

I would also try to get him to speak with a child psychologist, even if you had a bad one before there might be someone who can give better advice and work with your step-son on his level.

Also what is his mom doing about this? Finding if you two can get on the same page somehow could benefit everyone.

It seems like a really tough situation to be in. Maybe you could bring him to the doctor and have the doctor explain to him what happens if he holds his bowel movements in. It might come better from someone else.

I really hope you can sort things out!

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