Cat - posted on 07/01/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )
I'm due in about four weeks with baby girl number two, and I have baby girl number one that just turned one year old last week... and I am a full-time working mother with a wonderfully supportive husband who unfortunately works weekends/nights. Our 1 year old is in daycare M-F, and I keep her on the weekends and lately it's been really rough for me. I'm so pregnant that I'm at that point where it hurts to bend over, back pain, just tired and crabby, and my LO has an ear infection that we can't seem to shake. She's walking, which is amazing, but she just gets into EVERYTHING and hates the baby gates we were using to keep her from getting into everything. We've childproofed the house, but every parent knows.. they always find SOMETHING to make a mess of. She's also getting her 12 month molars and that's been making her a little crank, as well. I love her to bits and pieces.. but I'm so tired, and hurting, and there's no one I can call for help.
I just want to hide in bed and get a day off. I feel like I work all week and then come home and work the weekends as a really tired/sore nanny.
My worry is baby two. I've got three months of maternity leave coming up when she arrives.. but honestly, I'm TERRIFIED of this second baby. I am SO tired. And SO exhausted. I keep telling myself that once I'm not pregnant, chasing around my girls will be more fun and less painful, but it's all I can think about. I'm having anxiety attacks about it and I get depressed thinking about how hard it's going to be for a while.
I tried talking to my mother about it, and she said I sounded cold and hateful and that I should be careful about how I talk about my kids. So now I'm afraid to talk about it with people for fear that they are judging me or thinking I'm going to somehow hurt my girls, which is insane. I'm tired, and of course I get frustrated, but if I ever get close to a breaking point, I can set her in a crib and take a minute to breathe!
Then the worst part of all of it, I see friends/family struggling with infertility issues or a sick child and then I feel guilty and ashamed when I have such a blessed life full of generally happy and generally healthy kiddos.
Do other moms feel like this? Is this some kind of pre or post partum or just normal? What even is normal? I wish there was a group of like three mommies in my area where we could meet up once a week and vent. How do you meet other local ladies? I think an understanding group might help.... or some folks where we could swap frustrations without feeling like CPA is going to get called when you just need to vent!