8 year old boy meeting his father for the first time

Maria Veronica - posted on 01/07/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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my son is 8 and he has been asking about his father, he said i want to see him. i went to a parent training thing and she said to take baby steps because this isnt just about my son. Im going through it as well and i need to be ready for whatever happens. I havent contacted him because i dont feel ready, yet my sister (i guess she thought it was a good idea) and a cousin found out his number and talked to him, said that my son wants to see him. and now im having a panic attack. full blown.. i dont know what to think. im scared because ive seen my friends struggle with custody wars and i cant even imagine my son not being with me everyday or worse dealing with a child that's been rejected by this person who's supposed to be there. i explained that families are different and that for whatever reason grownups dont get along its not the kid's fault, also that his father was somewhere i didnt know working and it seemed to placate his need to know. i honestly don't trust him to be the most reliable or stable person to talk to my son. i wanted the parent training psychologist to help me mediate, now i dont even know if he'll just show up because of what was said to him. im so scared this will get out of my hands.. i just needed to tell someone cuz im freaking out

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Magdalena - posted on 09/11/2013

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I know its been a few months since you Posted this, but can i ask how things are now? I am just starting this with my son who will be 8 in oct. and i am flipping out myself! Any response Would be greatly appreciated.

Maria Veronica - posted on 01/07/2013

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it helps to just say it and for someone to understand and relate... keeping it all inside was giving me so much anxiety. thank you for your kind words.

Jennifer - posted on 01/07/2013

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Everything will be alright, if the father wanted a great deal of contact with your son he would've been making attempts to see him years ago and this wouldn't be an issue today. Your son is your life and you can't imagine getting a phone call that he wants to see you and not immediately running to him. This man doesn't operate that way, some "parents" just don't invest themselves and thus the child simply isn't a priority. I don't think we can ever understand why, but if we can remind ourselves that they are this way it does help with the stress. I wish I had something great to tell you in regards to what to say to your son but I struggle with what to tell my own son about his absent father. Often times just listening to the child, offering hugs and snuggles works better than words. Deep breath, you can do this.

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