9 month old not sleeping.

Katie - posted on 06/20/2014 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Someone please help.
I am desperate. My son is 9 months old (7weeks preemie) he has nrver really slept through the night...odd occassion he would but normally wakes up once. Lately he has been waking up almost every hour...sometimes for a cuddle and other times he gets fed (I do hold off on the feedi g part)
He has two teeth and I cant see anymore atm.
Is this all normal or has he got bad habits?
Ive tried self settling...crying it out or pick up put down which only sometimes worked. Laying down next to him while he went to sleep worked for a few weeks...
Please help

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Lorraine - posted on 06/26/2014

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my son went through that it lasted for about 3 months I used to just hand him in a bottle and he would go back to sleep himself

Alexandra - posted on 06/25/2014

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Hi Katie,

I have found that the key to helping kids sleep is consistency in whatever method you try. Both of mine (5 years and 16 months) are "sleepers" so I am lucky but my sister's daughter (2) was never a great napper but now sleeps through.
It's true that 9 months may be more like 7 months due to the early birth. Certain months may also be better or worse for a bit of sleep training based on the developmental stage that your kid is at. If baby is having a rough time with separation anxiety in the day as well, you may need to wait a month or two to try the sleep training. For my two kids and for my sister the "controlled crying method" worked well and we both started that with one "dream feed" thrown in. Here is what we did:
Put baby to bed after milk and your regular nighttime routine. Try to put baby down at least a tiny bit awake. If baby cries right away give baby 5 minutes to see if they calm down. If you can't handle 5 do 3 or 2 - the key is to give them a bit of a chance to try to calm themselves. Make sure you use a clock because even 1 minute feels like 10 when baby is crying! After the 5 minutes go in. Don't pick baby up. Some things say to not touch or speak to baby but to me that always seemed sort of creepy. I would gently put a hand on baby and quietly say "it's sleepy time. Mommy loves you". Only stay for about 1 minute then leave again - even if baby is still crying. You're not trying to necessarily stop them crying, just show them that you are still there. This time wait a bit longer than the first time - maybe 2 or 3 more minutes. and continue that until you get up to about 10 to 15 minute intervals. Don't go longer than 15 but keep using that interval until baby finally goes to sleep. It may take even a couple hours but it has worked in maximum 2 or 3 nights for everyone I know as long as you are consistent. If you go in early or pick baby up or feed them etc you will have to start all over from scratch. If during any of the intervals baby seems to be calming down and stops crying for a bit, start your timing over again. Often going in when a baby is calming down will only upset them more. Use this same technique each time baby wakes up in the night. For me, at least, this technique worked after 1 night with both kids. Occasionally they go through a phase where they need extra comfort (teething or sick) but after that usually just one round of this method (15 minutes) gets them back on track. For the beginning I would throw in a "dream feed". Pick a time to gently pick up baby and feed them while they are still sleeping. Even if they wake a bit don't talk or engage. Just feed them and put them back to bed. Just make sure you are not doing the dream feed when they are awake or it will confuse baby and ruin the effectiveness of the other sleep training.
Remember that all babies will go through times when they don't sleep well because they are having some separation anxiety and/or they are hitting a developmental milestone and their brains are too busy processing the new info to let them sleep.
I have found that this sleep training method allows babies to learn to self-soothe without making them cry for ages. By coming back at intervals you give them the confidence that you are always there. It also allows them to get the sleep that they need and for mommy to get sleep too. Most of all remember that it won't last forever. It is exhausting and scary and frustrating but it will pass. If you have to wait for a bit to try the sleep training try to get some help during the day so you can have a nap. Let family, friends or neighbours watch baby for a few hours so that you can sleep. You have to take care of yourself too! I hope you find this really long answer somewhat helpful. I'm sending you good thoughts!

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User - posted on 06/26/2014

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At no point did I state it to be the only way. I too, merely offered advice, as you have also done.

Alexandra - posted on 06/26/2014

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Controlled Crying is one method that has been used for decades. And yes, it is research based. There is research of good and of dubious nature to support and to condemn all different types of sleep training. CC is one method that balances the needs of the child with the needs of the parent. There is also the method where you slowly sneak away bit by bit over several nights. I just offered one option that worked for me and some people that I know. I am not interested in having a debate over attachment parenting and I think that your absolute statements essentially saying that it is the best and only way are not in any way accurate or helpful. I am quite tired of hearing how apparently scores and scores of adults from before AP became more mainstream grew up into emotionally stunted adults. It's ridiculous. In my own opinion, many kids of AP parents are needy and unable to deal with their own emotions as they have always had parents step in. That's just my anecdotal observations, however. The reality is that most kids who grow up in a loving household with parents who do the best they can turn into totally functional adults, no matter what sort of parenting style was used. Katie can try any method she wants to see if it will help her child and herself sleep better. Yes, mom is allowed to be considered as well as the child! A mentally and physically exhausted mom is not at her best for her children. I'm quite confident that my children will grow up to be normally adjusted, thank you very much. They certainly are happy and confident at this point. I do not plan on continuing this debate. I was trying to help a mother who seemed in distress by giving her an example and one option. Having debates like these is the reason I stopped going on this site. Unless it's with Dr Spock and Dr. Sears or some other qualified expert I'm not interested. Give your opinion, by all means, but suggesting that it is the only correct way and that those who don't use it are harming their children or at least not doing the best for them is offensive.

User - posted on 06/26/2014

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You offer some good points but controlled crying is not research based. There is however a lot of research on why it should not be used. Babies appear to respond to 'cc' because they 'shut down' when their needs are not met. Babies do not learn to self settle themselves, they need parents to provide the necessary care and attention that helps babies to develop a sense of security and trust. Attention parenting provides babies with emotional security that grows secure, and emotionally well adjusted adults.

User - posted on 06/23/2014

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I would also like to add that around this age is the beginning of separation anxiety, which is normal behaviour. Have you tried giving a top up feed just before you go to bed? Even though he is 9 mths his corrected age is almost 2 months less, so hunger could still be an issue for him. Western society expects babies to be sleeping through the night from 6 weeks, but all sleep research shows that waking at least once is normal. I know it is hard on parents suffering sleep deprivation. I have been there also. My toddler was taking up to 3 hours to settle. As a baby only cat napped. The Cd worked like a miracle for us and was a perfect way to help him feel secure and therefore be able to relax into a deep sleep. He is 7 now and we still use it when he can't get to sleep. Also try the camping in his room. He will feel secure when he feels anxious. Remember to settle him quickly, before his anxiety levels rise and fully wake him.

Laura - posted on 06/23/2014

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Wish i could help. Maybe as he gets older hes getting to much sleep during the day. Maybe a nice warm bath before bed. I bet its just a weird phase and it will stop soon enough. I go threw this stuff all the time. We think you got enerything under control then they kick us in the butt.

Dove - posted on 06/23/2014

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And I'm sorry that all of your previous responders were solicitors. I've been a member of this site for a LONG time, but avoid it quite often due to the overabundance of solicitations that keep popping up. It gets really annoying. ;)

Dove - posted on 06/23/2014

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After 3 kids I have come to the conclusion that 9 month old babies are a pain in the butt at night. lol All 3 of mine had trouble at this age... Two of them were sleeping through the night w/ no effort on my part whatsoever by 14 months... and one didn't sleep through the night (and needed a little help to get there) til 2 years old. It's fine...

Katie - posted on 06/23/2014

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Ok well thank you...but that still hasn't answered my questions. Ive tried routines. The whole day is a routine except now he doesnt sleep. What is the purpose of this stupid site if no one can help me!!!

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