A 13/14 yrs old boy at school is hugging the girls (including my daughter) at school, what is your take on it and how would u handle this?

Dionne - posted on 05/01/2012 ( 14 moms have responded )

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This boy of the age 13-14 has started asking all the girls in my daughter sk/gr 1 class for hugs and telling them he loves them. I talked to the Principal and she said she will talk to him and tell him its not right and tell the parents what he is doing, then proceeds to tell me if it happens off the school property there is nothing she can do. I then told her that Ill take it to the school board and police if it happens again, whether its on or off school property. what would you do?

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Sherri - posted on 09/12/2012

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If it happens off school property the principal is right he has no recourse. It would then be up to you to contact the police. On school grounds the principal sounds like he will handle it.

Alex - posted on 09/12/2012

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If I were you I 'd move my child into a different school or sue his parents because they coupd have let him watch inapropriate stuff or his parents may teach him that kind of stuff.

Sarah - posted on 07/14/2012

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Emily, I'm sorry you went through that and I don't think you sound like an evil witch. I just wouldn't want to condemn someone without evidence. I know what school gate gossip can be like. I still say my biggest concern is that these two age groups are together at all without adequate supervision.

Emily - posted on 07/11/2012

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wasn't meaning to sound like a evil witch Sarah - it's just a lot of things in my life could have been prevented if 2 or more people had've spoken up. In Australia things can't be reported unless 2 or more staff/parents/doctors/whoever have seen/heard it. And sometimes isolating a child can do something. It would have stopped a 14yo boy with suspected autism (he was in grade 7 repeated twice) inappropriately touching me at age 11. But because the school was so 'anti-isolation' they chose to blame me and demanded I wrote an apology letter to the child.

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2012

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Is this still going on after the principal has spoken to him? It may be that that was enough to stop it. I'm surprised that the different age groups are mixed together like this in school, so maybe a chat with the principal about that is appropriate.

What is not appropriate is a group of adults ganging up on a child and wanting him to be ostracised from his peers based on rumour and hearsay. You said yourself that you don't know the child yourself, you've just heard he has "issues".

Emily - posted on 07/11/2012

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(this is from an Australian's point of view so apologies if this doesn't work in your country) ring your child's teacher and ask her to be kept away from this child at school. Normally the little little children have complete supervision where they play and the older children aren't allowed near the area unless they have siblings in that grade. Next step is to ring the other parents (if they have the same concern) and get them to voice their concerns maybe asking that the child be requested to stay in the special needs room or the library. I'm sorry, but no 13/14 year olds I know are hugging little children unless it's their siblings. We had a young man do work experience at our day care centre, and he was too afraid to do more then pick them up for five seconds for fear of having someone yell out that he was abusing them. (Note: we had two male workers at the centre at one point, we have a rule that the rooms have to be supervised with one female, one male in that case. not both the males) Hope that helps :)

Dionne - posted on 05/01/2012

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Unfortunately I do not know this young boy, but other parents have told me to be aware since he does have issues. Im hoping that it all works out and things get fixed. U just never know with young boys/girls of any age what it can or may amount to in the future. It may have been harmless but I as her mom am not taking any chances since I dont know who he is or who his parents are and I dont think a boy of his age should be asking little girls for hugs, it just unappropriate.

Bonnie - posted on 05/01/2012

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It does sound a little odd, but at the same time, if he isn't touching them inappropriately or going around telling others kids he did than it sounds harmless to me. If it happens at school, they should be able to control it. Outside of the school, nothing you really can do unless it turns into inappropriately touching once again. I wouldn't get the police involved otherwise for something innocent though.

Dionne - posted on 05/01/2012

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Yes suggestions is what I would ask for, when and if I had to go to that extreme. But this kid has issues to begin with which is why I am a little more worried. All this post was intended to is to ask what u would do in my situation.

Maggie - posted on 05/01/2012

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Either way if he hugged your daughter off school property a call to the police would be extreme. I doubt the police would even respond to such a call. You might be able to go to a police department and ask for suggstions on what you could do as far as finding away to keep him away from your daughter if you feel strongly about keeping them away from each other.

Dionne - posted on 05/01/2012

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Well if u think it is ok for strange kids of that age to hug your child then by all means and playing is totally different then affection but when a 13-14 yr old asks for hugs and tells them he loves them, its a bit strange to me. My 12 yr old knows better then to asks little girls to hugs him ...

Dionne - posted on 05/01/2012

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This is ON SCHOOL property she only mentioned to me IF it does happen off school that there would be nothing she could do. All this is happening ON school property. Then I told her if it did happen OFF property Id take it to the Police. Of course I gave her the talk bout who and who cant touch her and what is private etc, seriously what kind of mom do u think i am, What mom wouldnt talk to there kid after something like that happened, ive been telling her this since she started school, but obviously to a kid her age a HUG doesnt seem harmless, but now she understands the difference. Im taking one step at a time, I will wait to here from the school and then see if it continues and go from there

Maggie - posted on 05/01/2012

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Also, have you talked to your daughter and told her not to hug this boy? Maybe sit down with her and let her know that you are not okay with her hugging him and ask her if she could stay away from him if possible. A boy his age should not be hugging a girl her age. Something along those lines?



Honestly though he may just be friendly and not mean anything by it other than he likes kids. There are a few little boys around 11-13 years old who live in my apartment complex who love hugging, playing and carrying my daughter ( alomost 2 year old) I dont know them at all, see them on ocasion, but I have not seen anything extremely inappropriate to say that is enough. Usually happens at the Laundry Mat or at the Park. I see the same little boys playing with kids of all different ages. I think they are just young and dont really notice age and just want to make friends or play.

Maggie - posted on 05/01/2012

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I dont see why you would report it to the school board if it is off school property. They are not resposible for your child when she isnt at school or on there grounds? Thats like saying he hugged her at the grocery store or while she was walking home so your reporting the school. Sorry that just had me a bit confused. I would talk to his mother. If they dont give you her info ask if they could give her yours. Or wait till he gets picked up from school and discuss it with her then, I would even go as far as following them home and knocking on her door.

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