a baby's last name

Ashley - posted on 01/18/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My brothers ex wife, divorced 4 years now, remarried shortly after their divorce and that marriage lasted only a month. She then took my families name back afterward the 2nd divorce. My brother has 2 children with this ex wife and recently had a baby by another man. The problem fell when she gave this recent child my families last name instead of her married name or the fathers last name. I have read comments saying the children will wonder why the difference or they want to belong, but what about when this child gets older, especially being a male. He will carry this last name forever. Will he not wonder then? He will know he is carrying another man who is not his father's last name or wonder why the other children have their fathers last name but not him. My brother has a problem with this. Not to mention he can't have a son to carry on his last name for himself but she gave another mans child our name. I'm just curious of anyone elses thoughts on this.

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Maree - posted on 01/19/2012

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I have to disagree here for many reasons. Giving the fathers last name is fine, i have no issue with anyone who wants to but it is very traditional and some would say...old fashioned.



Back in the day,people GOT MARRIED and changed their name,they stayed married,their kids therefore had the same name as them...these days...not so much. Not every woman marries or changes her name. Same goes for the kids. Dads are not always around so for some people,giving the fathers name is like giving a strangers name....completely ridiculous !!!



I see where you are coming from Ashley,however i look at it as if the name the children have is HER name also...not YOUR families name....do you want her to change her name back to her maiden name??? and have a different name to the children they have together??? because i think that is very unfair !!! Why does it bother you so much that her last name (that one day you will change..if not already)happens to be the same as yours?



I think when your brother married her,he decided to share his name and has no right to expect her to change it back because they broke up...

As for the new child,that is different and i sort of agree that he has a reason to be annoyed,however i feel it is an overexageration of how "wrong" the ex actually is.



I think your brother may be bitter and angry and will pick on ANYTHING because of it. The woman can't get child support for the new child simply because of it's name,i'm sure your brother knows this...if he has to pay more it's because she can convince someone that he is earning enough to pay more,nothing to do with HER other child.

I get how he feels because i have been in situations where i have been so pissed off that everything the ex does is a reason for me to blow it out of proportion and exaggerate the situation.



Looking from the outside in....and reading your post,leads me to believe that he is VERY angry about something else. I really don't see it as such a big deal what the kid is named. Why and how did it even come up in conversation??? Is she going around announcing it to the world?? I don't know anyone who runs around saying "hey guess what my babies last name is...it is the same as mine !!!! ..and GOD FORBID....my ex husband and HIS family"...



You have no need to be concerned what the child will POSSIBLY think one day when it grows up..it isn't something you need to worry about. I doubt the child will care and as for the dad of this baby...let him worry about it and fight her if he wants to...and if he doesn't well...who cares !!!

Cindy - posted on 01/19/2012

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I think all children should have the fathers last name. No one should give their child another mans name. Is she going for more support for your brothers 2 kids or is she trying to get child support for her new child?

Ashley - posted on 01/19/2012

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I don't know why she would give a child my families last name that is not part of us. My brother is remarried with two other children now and very much happy, so if she still has feelings she should take them else where and thought about that before she made herself a harlot and was rejected by the family. It's just the fact she gave this child our last name and it makes it look like they all have the same father. And even worse she is begging for more child support now. The laws are messed up. I just wish we could fight it.

Maree - posted on 01/18/2012

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Hmmm...it's a hard one. My son had my last name(maiden name) till he was 9. He never had his dads name because we were not married so there was no way in hell i was giving my son that name...i don't care that my son will never carry on his dads name.I don't see how him carrying on his dads name is more important than him carrying on my name !!!

His dad is not that involved,he sees him but has never lived with him..he is married with 2 other kids now and i am glad my son had my name and not my ex boyfriends entire families name...



Anyway, i got married 2 years ago and my sons father allowed me to change my sons name to that of my husband(his step father)...it works for us as we all have the same name,my son is not different to me or his baby sister. There was no need for him to keep my maiden name and he wanted to change it anyway.

People say that i could have given my son his dads last name if i wanted to change it but i don't see how that would have been a good idea. I didn't give it to him at birth so why give it to him at 9 years old just because i got married???



People do things for all kinds of reasons,most of which we don't really understand. I don't think it matters what name the child has...i highly doubt the child will grow up asking why he has that last name. I don't think they really care one way or the other. My son doesn't care that he doesn't have his dads name...actually he doesn't want it because he wants to be the same as me and our family who he lives with,i think that is normally what a child would prefer if they were asked their opinion.



My husbands ex wife still has my husbands name. She has every right to especially as they have a child together. I wish she didn't have it but of course to her,this is her name and her sons name so she has no desire to change it...i just have to accept that i have the same name as the selfish bitch....anyway,i guess you will never know why people do the things they do...i don't think it's a big deal....but this is coming from someone whose child HAS their name so i suppose i don't understand men feeling disappointed at their child not having their name. I know i'd be really pissed if my ex did not allow me to give my son my married name !!!



Maybe the father of the new baby has very little involvement so it's better for the child to be the same as the rest of the family...if she was to end up marrying the guy then maybe she would change the babies name to her married name?...it's hard because then she would be different to the other kids,i know i would not want this ! ... probably at the moment it is just easier that all the kids have the same name as her,if the father of the new baby doesn't like the situation then maybe he should have thought about it before he got her pregnant,if they were married it may not have been an issue.

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