A father been out of kids life for 14years

Tina - posted on 06/29/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Me and the kids dad devolved when my son was 6 months old and all of the sudden he wants to be in there life. My children contacts him. He didn't try to contact them. He was very abuse to me I don't no if he has changed or not. I'm freaking out don't no what to do

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Jodi - posted on 06/29/2013

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Your kids are old enough to know they want to know their father, and if they are the ones who contacted him, then it sounds like you need to work with them to allow them to get to know him. Find a way where they can have supervised contact with him in order to get to know him.

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Tina - posted on 07/10/2013

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My daughter and son went to go see there dad he talked to my daughter and she like mom I just don't want to hear what he's got to say he not been in my life for 14 years why he act like he cares now. I no she is hurt I fill bad that I can't give her the answer that she wants to here. All I can do is be there for her. Maybe it's just going to take a little while or maybe you think it may be to late?

Tina - posted on 07/07/2013

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I talked to the kids dad and told him he can come and visit the kids when ever he would like. And he said that's not going to happen. Just like 14 years ago he could come visit the kids but he never did then eaither. He told my son that he didn't want to be around his mom but I'm only protecting my kids I don't no what kind of person he is now. All I no is what he was 14 years ago. I just don't want to send my kid to someone house that he doesn't no. Am I wrong for being protected of my kids?

Tina - posted on 07/05/2013

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Jodi thanks for everything!!!! I talked to the kids dad yesterday and I told him he could come see the kids when he would like and he said that wasn't going to happen. He want my son to come to his house. I told him that the kids need to get to no him first. But he said no its not happening. So now he telling my son that its my fault that he didn't come around. But I'm giving him a chance to see his kids and he doest want to do it. Now my daughter says well he had a chance to come see us back then and now he has a chance again and he doesn't want too.i don't understand

Tina - posted on 07/05/2013

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I talked to the dad and told him he could come see his kids when ever he want. And he told me you no that's not going to happen. The only way is if I drop him off at his house. He told me on the phone that I had lied to the kids and I never said anything to my kids they would ask me why didn't dad come around and I told them I don't no that they would haft to ask your dad why. I don't like that he's putting the blame on me it's not far

Jodi - posted on 07/03/2013

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I can see the sense in doing that Tina. If your daughter wants nothing to do with him, I wouldn't force her, but give your son a chance to get to know him, and put some supervision in place. If you don't allow him to get to know his dad in some way, it will just reinforce what he has been told - that you wouldn't let their dad see them. So find a safe way to allow it to happen.

Tina - posted on 07/03/2013

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Should I go by my divorce papers supervised visititation to let my children get to no him first?

Carol - posted on 07/03/2013

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My SD's birth mother has not been in her life for almost 7 years now. Since last summer they have been in consistant contact with each other. Mostly from Sd calling/texting her. Recently, we have found that Bio mom has been telling Sd that she will come get her(she lives 5 states away) We have confirmed through several relatives of bio mom that she is an alcoholic & she has been making up stories of abuse from current spouses to make Sd feel bad for her. My husband says that she should be able to talk to her mom, but I think that it would be more hurtful to Sd when all of these promises of visits ect. don't come true. The biggest problem is that my husband & myself have had conversations with SD to try to explain that Biomom is not healthy & she should be careful of what she believes. My opinion is that she should not have contact with bio mom until she can prove she is sober & healthy. The reason is because no matter how many people try to tell her the truth about the situation, she still believes bio mom will come visit &/or get her within the week. so I would limit contact if it seems it would be harmful to the childs mental/physical health.

Jodi - posted on 07/01/2013

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Tina, I think you have to let your son figure out his own relationship with his dad. I understand he was abusive towards you, but this isn't about you and your relationship with your ex. This is about your son and his relationship with his father. You have to accept that MAYBE your son really wants this and that MAYBE it will be ok. Eventually, your son will work things out on his own.

Did the children ever question you as to why he wasn't in their life?

Tina - posted on 07/01/2013

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My son wants to talk to him but my daughter doesn't but she saw her daddy abusive. I think that's why she doesn't want to have anything to do with him. But my son wants to talk to him. When I was pregnant with my son he didn't want him saying he didn't want the baby. And now he's tell my son the reason he didn't come around is that I would had put him in jail. And that's not true he had the rights to visit with them but never did.

User - posted on 07/01/2013

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I was out of contact from my dad for 18 years, though I was literally living on a truck, with my two other brothers and our mother in the middle of winter here in Utah, my dad was also abusive, and them some as he was a repeated drug addict. My case was worse than yours but what my mom did do was restrict our communication with him until we were of age. You could try that, or tell him not to talk to your kids and then he might be legally abridged not to even contact them back. I'm not sure. But, I'm sure you don't want to take any chances of either you or your kids ending up in a medical clinic in Vancouver. The way I see it is that he messed up and shouldn't be given a second chance for being abusive in the first place. He's a father and he should have grown the hell up long before then.

Tina - posted on 07/01/2013

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My kids father calls 2 or three times a day it's very hard to get use to it. I don't noif he has changed from being abuseive after not seeing his kids for 14 years. Do I take things slow and let the kids get to no him before he takes them out or spend the night with him

Tina - posted on 06/30/2013

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I'm letting my kids talk to him he told my son that your mom had it were he couldn't come see them or I would had put him in jail. But I still have the divorce papers saying he could visit with his kids and now after 14 years he's blaming me for it and its not far to me or my children. I love them very much and don't want them to get hurt

Tina - posted on 06/30/2013

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I've been divorced from my ex for 14 years and he's not seen his kids eaither. He use to beat on me my kids called him up my son talks to him but my daughter doesn't but she seen how he treated me. He had the right to come see them but he chose not to. And now he's telling my son that your mom had a paper drawn up saying if he came around I would had him put in jail. He is trying to turn my kids against me. I still have my divorce papers saying he could visit with them. I'm so heart broken because I love my kids I've taken care of them on my own for 14 years

Tina - posted on 06/30/2013

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I let my kids see there dad but when we divorced he had the right to come and see his kids under supervised visits and he chose not to. He told my son that I took a paper out saying he couldn't come around. He's telling my son that its your moms fault and that's not true. My daughter is 16 and she doesn't want anything to do with him

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