Ordep - posted on 05/01/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )
I can say I don’t care and it doesn’t bother me, but then it’s about me, and besides it’s a lie. I can let all my anger out and tell her over and over again how she fails\failed our daughters but she already knows this; her defensiveness is proof. I can speak to her again like an adult and pray I put some sense into her but she only cares when in my presence and there is no possible combination of words that can force her to show some lasting concern or even better; change. I can console them every time she fails them but then the bleeding heart will only have a Band-Aid over it and just before their little hearts scabs up the wound will be reopened. I can go after full custody possibly reopen the wounds myself that I am so intense on healing and then permanently heal them with loving stability. Well this stability is what I think is needed and I am hoping someone can provide me some insights.
When I became a father, I learned to leave my pride out of any decision I make for my daughters. Pride doesn’t feed my children, a job as a janitor (if need be) does. Some of my saddest tears I have cried for my daughters and I’ll do it again without shame. Which brings me to why I am here on a mom site trying to determine the best course of action. I am so far away from being another “Disneyland Dad” that doing the right thing is imperative.
I am a father of two girls 10 & 13 whom I’ve been raising as best I can since my divorce 8 years ago. I try to balance the love with discipline needed to bring them both up right. I encourage them to build their own confidence. I try and love the good things they do and forgive the bad. I had nothing some days yet I wanted to give it all; so I have always paid my child support on time even though they spend 95 % of their time with me. Sometimes they do unexplainable things and I tackle them calmly and then there are the few times I don’t. I try to revisit any previous interaction with my daughters and if I handled anything wrong, I admit it so the communication channels will always be open. I am only providing these details to paint a picture that even though I am not perfect I do keep trying. At times being a good father is never giving up on trying to be one.
The rapacity of the mother unfortunately does not work like this towards our daughters. They unknowingly seem to be waiting on their mother’s boyfriend to decide what to do with their lives. She is in a toxic relationship where with the child support money I give her, and money she earns from her job, she takes care of their selfish lavish needs. Almost every decision she makes is based on his temperament and her fear of it. Her broken promises, lies & manipulation can only be comparable to that of an addict. This addiction is hearting my daughters especially the 10 year old who worships her.
I have never posted anywhere and when I google what to do, I realize my situation is usually reversed so any advice, insight or personal stories would be greatly appreciated.