A Lower School child is being bullied.

Valeria - posted on 05/17/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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What would you do if you had a child as a victim of a bully whose mother was one of the PTA members in the school and she had a good relationship with the Principal? Would you talk to the parents or Principal or Teacher?

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Yalana - posted on 07/09/2011

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I agree with Ink...it doesn't matter what kind of relationship the parents has. My son's community school asst. principal catered to the bullies there because all the parents were paying for that school, so he wanted to keep them happy...he also didn't want to tick off the bullies out of fear that they would come after him! Kids like that know of their parents' connections and will even use that card when they are bullying by saying, "What are you gonna do? My mom's president of the PTA! No one's gonna believe you!" Maybe if some parents weren't so obsessed with their social status and more concerned with their kids, there'd be less bullying going on...but that's just me...I prefer to be different than the "Joneses".

Louise - posted on 05/17/2010

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First port of call with me would be the teacher. If she sees it is going on then you are more likely to get something done. You need a witness really so that it is not just your childs word for it. If it is happening at play time then tell your child to be near an adult so they can bring it to an adults attention. There is no point talking to the mother unless you know her well and are friends. Her first reaction would be to deny and then defend her child. It is very difficult to stand by and do nothing when it is your child being bullied. Try and find out what the bullying is about and see if you can sort out the problem yourself or equip your child with some answers to stand up for themselves. My eldest son was bullied on and off at primary school and in the end after I tried everything to protect him and enable him to stand up for himself, including working at the school, the only option left was for my son to give the lead bully a good thump. I know I know not pc but in the end it was the only option and it worked. Now he has no problems as he has grown into a strapping 6 foot 4 inch built like a tank chappy.

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Jerri - posted on 05/18/2010

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I would schedule a meeting with all three at once then there can be no go betweens. Document EVEYTHING. Volunteer at the school so you can as well see what is going on

Cindy - posted on 05/17/2010

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If you know the PTA member well, I would call her directly. The school says never to do this but I did this last year with my first grader. Schools have to worry about lawsuits and being politically correct to both the accused parents and the victims parents. If no one takes you seriously, report the child to the police or call the Superintendent. Sometimes you have to be really loud to be taken seriously.

Valeria - posted on 05/17/2010

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Erin, I guess I have to go back to my English school for a special class in vocabularies... :))

I just spotted another mistake on my grammer on the last sentence, too much typing and thinking!.. haha...

I will keep my fingers crossed for my friend and her daughter. Thanks a million!

Erin - posted on 05/17/2010

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Just to let you know, you spelled principal right in the original question ;) Bullying is a terrible thing, I hope everything gets worked out for your friend and yourself.

Valeria - posted on 05/17/2010

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Dear all the Ladies,

I highly appreciate your comments and I will pass them onto my girlfriend who really needs some suggestions to help with her daughter´s problem as her daughter now is frightened, does not want to receive any phone calls at home and asks her parents to send her back to their home country.

From all of the comments you have posted in, it seems that meeting with the teacher is the first step to take up and if that does not work then she has to go the the higher level, which in this case is the Principle (sorry for the wrong spelling on my first posting). I apologize that I forgot to mention that they live in the same building (my girlfriend´s family and the bully´s family) and the girls had been playing together ever since my girlfriend and her family moved into their apartment in that building, about 6 months ago until the incident happened and they are also in the same class, Gr 4.

My girlfriend has talked to the bully´s mother this morning and apparently she was not surprised by the report she has received from my girlfriend She knows that her daughter is ´bossy´ and all she could say is that my girlfriend has to tell her daughter to stand up straight and start to say `NO´ to her bully daughter when my girlfriend´s daughter does not want to ´obey´ her. The bully girl has had a problem also with another girl not long time ago in the school, she pushed the girl against the wall because she did not want to follow her instructions and it has been reported already to the teacher. But I can see that there is nothing has been solved from this problem, the bully girl still keeps doing the same thing again and again and of course to different girls. So my friend thinks, although not sure whether or not this is necessarily to do, that she would go and talk to the teacher and also to the councelor and would ask the teacher to separate them for the next school year, not to mention to build up her daughter´s self esteem too.. Although she has made an arrangement with the bully´s mother to solve the problem she strongly thinks that it is important to go to the Principle to let her know so that there will not be another child become a victim in the future. I wish her a good luck.

Once again thank you so much for the inputs you have posted in to me today, I am sure all the suggestions are helpful.

Regards, Valeria.

Joan - posted on 05/17/2010

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i would go to the principal first,then if i had to i would go higher. it is the school's job to keep your's and all kids safe.

[deleted account]

It wouldn't matter to me what sort of relationship she has with the principal... or the pope.
The fact that the bully's mother is friends with the principal could possibly be WHY the bully acts as they do. Step up, say something to the principal. If they are such great 'friends' then the principal will do whatever would be needed to STOP their friend's child from a social misbehavior.

[deleted account]

First i would go to the teacher and speak to her about my concerns and allow her to deal with it as its her job as the teacher.If the teacher doesnt deal with it and the child is still being bullied i would then go to the principle i dont see how its my responsibility to speak to the parents of the child.It should of been dealt with the teacher first of all.I have deal;t with the teacher ignoring my child when she told her of the bullying which in some cases were kicks and one to the tummy and shes only five,so then i went in and cleared it up..So teacher is my advice.Don't settle for excuses by the teacher, bullies need to be dealt with at an early age i feel its the lack of effort by teachers when told that causes more unnecessary harm/bullying to the child.

Rebecca - posted on 05/17/2010

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Talk to the teacher, if no changes are made have a meeting with both the parent and principle at the same time and discuss everything together. No child should be bullied.
Good luck

Alicia - posted on 05/17/2010

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I would talk to all three. Regardless of the other mothers relationship with the school every child has the right to feel safe. The other mother may be unaware that the situation even exsists.

Erin - posted on 05/17/2010

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I would talk to the teacher first then the Principal. It shouldn't matter if they have a good relationship or not. If they don't do anything about it take it further, go to the school board. Good luck!

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