A mommy thats Just Really down.....

Brittany - posted on 12/03/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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so does anyone eles feel blah all the time?

here is why i do(just need to vent a bit)

So i am 20 i have an almost 11mth old little boy. I recently had a miscarriage and we are trying again.My life has been turned upside down.My little family(fiance',son,and I) had our own apartment in a decently big city(me being a small town girl i didnt care for it)...so we up and move back to my hometown and stay with my mom and family(who said they would help get us on our feet) well two mths and we are still staying with them.....Im going nuts my fiance' just got a job and this is his first week there...he has been invited out to bars,poker nights,and dinner by people the just met(not that he will go,cuz he wont, but its just the point he gets invited)! i lived here for 18 years of my life and I never even get calls from my so called "FRIENDS".....this really upset me that he has friends and all I have is him and my son(which i love them both to death) but a mom needs friends too! even though we are staying with my mom, I cant talk to her about things like this...im just depressed(and with TTC thats not good).....I had sooo many friends in college before pregnancy and i never had nothing to do.....now i have no friends and NOTHING to do..its been 2 years since i "when out and partied" now i dont even know how to talk to people.......anyone eles feel like this??? or am i being stupid?



thank you for reading ♥

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~Jennifer - posted on 12/03/2010

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you might just need to change your group of friends.....find others that are moms and not just 'old friends'.
Sometimes it's easy to lose touch with old friends because when you have a child, your priorities change and they just can't understand 'why'.
He's meeting people that have similar interests (ie: work) so, it may be easier for him to meet people since he's the 'new guy'.
Good luck.

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Christy - posted on 12/03/2010

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First of all, you should join a mom's group and make new friends in your area. I don't talk to most of my old friends from HS. I would also wait to have another baby since you are trying to get back on your feet and move out on your own. Another baby will make things a lot more difficult and I imagine that it will stress you out even more (you are only 20 remember)! Can you take any classes or get certified in something so you can work, even if it's part time? Or can you go to work part time? This is a good way to make friends, too.

Laura - posted on 12/03/2010

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First of all, Brittany, you are not being stupid, so put that thought out of your head! It is tough adjusting to life with an infant, moving and all of the changes that you are going through. After my daughter was born, I felt cut off from friends and the life I had enjoyed--which included a fair amount of "partying". I had new responsibilities as a mom and some of those old friends either couldn't or didn't want to respect those changes in me. To those people I said "goodbye" because they were not supportive.

You need to connect with and make some new friends! You deserve opportunities to be a responsible adult WITH other adults! I suggest you look for a support group for young moms or find a "mommy and me"- type play group for your child and you. Check your local library to see what kinds of programs they have weekly that my be interesting. If you attend a church you can see what programs or groups are offered. The point is you need to be active in solving this problem--no one can do this for you. By intentionally seeking out other women with similar interests, you'll be able to make new friends before you know it!

Finally, don't be overly hard on your fiance--he sounds like a friendly, outgoing guy if he's making new friends himself. The best tool you can use right now is communication: Talk to your fiance about YOUR need of friendship and regular opportunities for adult time, too. See if you can work together to care for your child on different nights so you each get "me" time. This is what my husband and I wound up doing--sharing parenting duties so we each had time to get away once in a while. Speak up now so that your fiance doesn't hog all of the "me" time! Parenting is a team effort and teammates need to watch out for one another. Hope this helps and best of luck!

Shahija - posted on 12/03/2010

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Wow...Oh My God...U r just like me...I have felt this 2 svl tyms..The only diffrnce is I hv 2 kids nw but still i miss hvg frnds to talk 2..The thing is I was a shy girl before marriage n I dint talk 2 many ppl n i dint hv many frnds 2..But after marriage I too realised tat v need sum1 to talk 2 share our feelongs other than our mom n hubby..Y v feel like this?? Bcoz I don't hv any sisters n i think neither do u..But if v had things wud hv been diffrnt i guess..v cud share all of our joys n sorrows just like v share with a frnd...I hv heard frm others wen v don't hv sisters ter r frnds who do ctc u after marriage n consoles us wen v r in sorrow n adds joy to our life 2..but sum gets busy in their own world with their husbands n kids n tey can't find tym for frnds..

Anyways Myself Shahija n u wenever u feel dwn feel free to ctc me..I will b ter 2 listen n even give u suggestions.. TC

Telissa - posted on 12/03/2010

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Hey Britt,
Honey youre not alone Im a 26 yr old mother of a 2yr old diva. My husband and I moved with the parents right after we got married in Aug and it has been craziness ever since. everyone is really trying to get to know each other and because my daughter is not biologically his (although in every aspect he is her father) my parents are adjusting to allowing him to have his role in her life...theyre a bit overprotective of theyre grandaughter... I have lost my job since we moved in and my husband just located a job after being out of work for a long time. My husband friends are here but most of mine live out of town leaving me feeling a bit alone in the midst of this craziness....the friends that I do have that live here have children and husbands of their own and its next to impossible to coordinate our schedule for coffee let alone a night out on the town....what i have found that helps is facebook for my out of town friends...an xbox live membership when i need random amounts of recreation and an open mind...check at the library they usually have playgroups for children as specific times and you can usually meet other moms going through the same day to day drama as we are....but just know sweetie youre not alone!!!

Katherine - posted on 12/03/2010

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No, you're not being stupid. As a mom you need a social network. Why don't you try to find some mommy groups? I found meetup.com to be really helpful. You find groups in your area, and go to different places with other moms. I love it. Also there is a community called Young moms 20-30 on here. Just go to my communities and search for it.

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