A Monster of a Child?

Lisa - posted on 11/16/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have 2 daughters, 14 and 12. My oldest is very well behaved, mellow, and shy. My youngest.....oh my youngest....she is just at the title says most of the time.The tiniest thing sets her off, she threatens to run away, she says we treat her like crap. but all we do is love her, I raise her with my mom, and when she gets disagreeable we don't raise our voices to scream level. we ignore her and wait until she's done throwing her 2 year old tantrum. We've taken away her ipod, computer privelages, television, play dates, NOTHING works! She claims that we favor her sister too much, but in reality, we might even spoil herself more than her older sister. She has tantrums frequently, like 4 times a week. It includes screaming, crying, throwing things, and the usual round of "I hate you" and "you always do such and such to me". What I xan't understand is that she's an angel at school, straight A's, and all of her friend's parents says she's a dream daughter at theirr house. I don't know what I did to raise a child like this, when I've done nothing but try to be there for her. My mom is 74 years old, and doesn't need torun her already high bloodpreassure up worrying about my daughter. She had a fit so violent tonight, that she threw her sisters phone across the room and kicked her knee cap so hard she has a nice gash in her knee. I wanted my girls to be best friends, I feel sorry that I put my oldest through this, having a sister like this. My oldest has tried to be friends with her, and be nice to her, but she justthrows a fit. She believes that

I have no control over her, and I do have a little control over her, just not as much as I'd like. It's been going on since she was 2. we've tried the nice, calm, talking open approach, and the strict, harsh, serious approach and none worked

Please help, I'm soooo desperate and embarassed to see that the teachers at school can control my daighter but somehow I can't. Could she have ADD? i'm going to talk to my doctor about her, and hopefully he'll take this seriously. We need counseling, meds, anything. Some advice or hopeful words would be much appreciated!

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Danielle Kimberly - posted on 11/17/2012

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I don't know but maybe it's me, I really don't think that more severe punishments are the way to go. She is acting out for a reason. My parents kept severely punishing my step brother.. He is now 21, moved away from home when he was 16, he drinks a lot and uses drugs and never graduated high school. He stole my parents car and has done so many things I could go on. Please try counseling, I wish we had with my brother. Family counseling for you, your other daughter and your mother would be a good idea too. I truly wish you the best of luck!

Ariana - posted on 11/16/2012

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Could you bring her to some councelling? I would definitely look into that route.



You might try sitting her down and asking her what's up and see if there is something that is bothering her. I would also have her write out why she can't behave a certain way when she misbehaves and what she could have done instead of what she had done. If she refuses to write things down then tell her she's on lockdown until she decides to.



If she's getting to the point of violence I would even suggest taking ALL of her possessions and having her earn them back. At this point she's becoming out of control, most twelve year olds don't kick someone in the shin. I would take everything she has out of her room other then her bed and clothes, all internet access, phone access going out. You'd have to tell her that she needs to start being a contributing member of your family and stop throwing tantrums. If she is upset about something she needs to come to you and talk about that.



I would definitely look into councelling for her or for the family. Kids usually throw tantrums at this age either because they've figured out it works or because they've run out of ways to express themselves. She may need to learn how to express herself better and how to deal with things when it doesn't go her own way. Good luck!

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Lisa - posted on 11/16/2012

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Thank you! I do agree, I think she's continued to throw these tantrums because she knows that it works, and I can't come up with a punishment big enough to make her regrett her actions. I've taken away her ipod, internet, and phone all at once and sat her on a chair alone without anything to play with for as long as it took her to discuss it respectfuly. But she just sits there, hums, and pretends like it doesn't effect her at all. She's very defiant. She'll break diwn and pretent to acknowledge what she did wrong just to get out of punishment, wait a day, then throw a tantrum again. I cannot wait until we see a counselor!



She doesn't want to see a counselor, and threatens to tell the counselor that I abuse her. I hope that the counselor is wise to this, because she's already threatened to call Childrens Services and has called 911 once.

Lisa - posted on 11/16/2012

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No the dad isn't involved, I was never married. I adopted both of my daughters. thank you for your encouraging words!



She's never wanted a dad, she has this fear of new, unfamiliar men. I can't think of a reason why she'd be hurting, she's not unhappy except for the fact that she says that we don't give her the things she deserves. I've given her everything she's aske but in exchange for things. For example, a pet bunny in exchange for her gaining responsibility, and acting maturely. Her sister has also tried to treat her like a best friend, even take her along on her own sleepovers! but she just tells her that she wishes that she had a different sister because she isn't good enough. I feel soo terrible that she has to put up with a little sister lile this. :(

Danielle Kimberly - posted on 11/16/2012

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Is the dad involved at all?? The reason I ask is because I have a step brother who acted the exact same way. He was a dream to teachers and friend's parents but he was a nightmare at home. He once chased me around the house with a knife. I was overweight growing up and he called me names all the time.

I grew up in a blended family and my step brother never knew his dad (he always thought that his father wanted nothing to do with him tho he was never told so). She might not be acting out due to her dad or lack of, but there is definitely something that is causing her to act this way and she is taking it out on the family. I strongly suggest counseling, it will help her release her anger and find the source. She is a hurting girl inside trying to hurt the ones closest to her. Hang in there and just keep loving her, it's not your fault. Try to talk to her to see what is bothering her. She will probably slam the door in your face, tell you to go away, but keep trying, but don't pester, approach her once a day and leave her alone if she declines. You never know, but someday she could breakdown and talk to you.

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