a paternity test just revealed that my boyfriend has a 1 year old child, why am I feeling like this?

Cristy - posted on 01/24/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months, we've been discussing marriage. He is 38 and I'm 39, we've both been married one other time before. I have a 15 year old son with special needs. He just learned that he is a father (first child). So, this is a brief intro to us.
I'd like to share my feelings about this because I have so many fears and concerns and I don't really know how to take them, I know they must not be very fair, but they're real to me. As soon as he text me to tell me that the baby is his, my stomach sank. I automatically started thinking of all of the issues we've encountered and will now encounter. He thinks I'm being selfish and doesn't understand why I'm not 'open arms' about the idea. I've been a single mom since my son was 3 and my son has needed a lot of care. After I was certain that my child would be ok, I went back to school, got a degree, and have just started my dream job a month ago. This man, that I do love, is disabled and has undergone quite a difficult surgery, and will continue with his health issues. He is unable to help care for us, and now he has more added to his plate. He fully expects me to take on the mother role of a new infant but I cannot help but to feel that it's all becoming too much. I have a VERY stressful job, his condition is stressful, his emotional outbursts and fighting are stressful. I almost walked away from the stress last month. When he's not difficult, he's actually pretty amazing, big hearted, and wants to do all that he can. I love him, and haven't felt this way in a long time, but I'll tell ya, I just don't know how much more I can handle added to our plate. I hope I do not sound terrible, I want the best for him and his new child, I just wonder if them having the best would be for me to step out of the picture. I finally have the life I want for my son and myself and worked my butt off to get here. I guess I'm just tired, I don't know, but I sure would love to hear if anyone has encountered a similar situation and how they moved forward. Thanks so much :)

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Michelle - posted on 01/24/2015

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You said that he expects you to take on a Mother role with his child. No you don't because the child already has a Mother.
It sounds like you have more problems than just an additional child to worry about. Have a read through what you have written and see it how we do.
You need to think about yourself and your son and if there really is a future with this man.

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