A sibiling feeling like the parent - what should i do :( ?

Sonia - posted on 06/30/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm actually a sister, not a mother lol. My mum does a great job taking care of my brother but she just doesn't teach him living skills, she will do everything for him and not let him be independent which frustrates me so much because I know for a fact when I want to move out I will most likely be living with my brother. she doesn't make it easier for me and my sister and I get really angry when trying to explain something to her that benefits my brother but always says "im a know-it-all" and she just doesn't get it. im so angry everyday with her because she doesn't empower my brother to be independent. My dad - lets just say I play a better role being a dad. What should I do :((?

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Kelly - posted on 06/30/2014

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Hi Sonia, I'm not sure how old either of you are, but am guessing- that maybe there is a bit of an age difference, you being older. From what I'm hearing you say, you live in a 2 parent home and have one sibling. If I have anything wrong, please correct me. The positive is, both you and your brother have both parents and your brother has a sister who seems to love and care for him very much.

My advice would be to find a way to communicate with your mom in a way she doesn't feel as if you're belittling her mothering skills, as this can upset and close communication down before she even hears what you're trying to get across. Maybe start with the positives 1st and follow w/examples of the great things which mom does do. Then, let her know what you're concerns are and have some examples of why you see this as a potential problem for your brother. Try not to be too agressive, even if your mother doesn't seem receptive.

Being kind goes along way and your response to her response could change her outlook. Maybe reiterate at the end of the conversation that you just want your brother to have the best possible chance to succeed and as a sister you felt this was your duty, but that you respectfully agree to disagree if she doesnt feel the same way.

You could also do your best to lead by example, show your brother these life skills by doing. That is always a great way to learn. Again, I dont know either of your age, so that would be a big factor. I wish you the best of luck!

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Sonia - posted on 06/30/2014

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Hi Kelly, wow! I wasn't expecting an amazing response! Let me start off by saying thank you and I truly appreciate the time that you've taken to write this. I'm 20 years told and my brother is 9 years old, so there is quite a gap but I've become a youth worker and I feel as though I can put into practice my communication skills with my profession and personal life.

I just usually get angry very quickly which then leads to continuous arguments with my mother because the lack of understanding but I completely see what you're saying. I defiantly will use this approach my showing her the great skills she has and dealing with this crazy fam lol but I will try to make her understand in a calm tone and try not to go Ludacris.

I also have a sister who is 22, so we are quite blessed to have so many people in the house to tc of my little brother but its hard when not everyone is doing the same thing for him. I also come from a CALD background which sometimes effects our relationship because I grew up in Australia and mum was born in a different country and we both have a different mentality.

once again I thank you so much for replying, I honestly appreciate it!! xx

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