Amanda - posted on 03/29/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )
I had just broken up with my boyfriend a week before I found out I was pregnant with my first child. It was my first relationship, he was controlling and manipulative, and I was utterly unhappy. Now that I'm pregnant, he and his family want to be involved in my life. I didn't want to wait to tell him because I figured he had a right to know as soon as it was confirmed by the doctor, but now he's giving me problems. He's going back to his clingy ways by trying to message me constantly and hoping to get back together with me. He's promising all of his friends and family that they can babysit our child, but I don't know any of these people. I told him I wasn't comfortable with the idea, and he's saying it's cruel and unfair, and that I'm being ridiculous. I don't trust him because he drinks alcohol and does drugs on a daily basis, which he said he would go to therapy for to clean up. He's also willing to go to therapy for his psychological issues. He's verbally abusive and he is showing early signs of becoming physically abusive. Example being, he would grab my arm and squeeze it, but not leave marks. One time he joked that if I ever cheated on him, he'd kill me (bad joke, but it was one of his manipulative tests), and he choked me, for a good 15 seconds. He claims it was a joke despite my struggling and crying. He's too unstable, and I don't think 9 months of therapy is going to be enough time to change him. I've asked him not to talk to me, and only I would reach out to him when I had news about the baby, which he is not respecting and is bothering me regardless. He wants to be involved and go to my doctors appointments.
I appreciate that he wants to be involved, but I don't trust him. Every time I speak to him, it stresses me out. My mother miscarried a lot, and I worry that it runs in the family, so I'm trying to avoid stress like the plague. I only broke up with him a week ago, found out I was pregnant a few days ago, and I'm young. I had plans of going back to school, and I wanted to accomplish so much before any of this happened. I've explained this to him, but he won't have it. He tried to guilt trip and told me I'm stressing HIM out, and told me how bad of a time he's having (40$ parking ticket and his boss was being mean to him).
My question is, how do I handle him? I don't want my baby to grow up without a father, but I don't trust him. I don't know how involved I should allow him to be (going to my ultrasounds and such), but I'm also worried that he would take the baby without my consent one day and never come back, and that scares me. What should I do?