a sons lack of loyalty

Yvonne - posted on 01/03/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am driven to distraction and hurt beyond belief. I raised my son myself after divorcing my husband as I didn't want to be his punchbag anymore. For years we were ok. Girlfriends came and went. Then he got a girlfriend who resented our relationship and has done her damnedest to come between us. The girl is a thief who gets fired from every job she's ever had for stealing including from my son to the point he was facing eviction from his home because she spent the rent money he gave her. She emptied his bank account one Christmas in a 24 hr period and couldn't say how she spent it. He found letters for£1000s of pounds in debt attached to his property yet this girl has a hold on him I can't understand. I always helped him to pick up the pieces every time she did something ( and there have been a lot of times) but now she is lying and causing trouble between me and my son and his lack of loyalty leaves an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart is breaking. I tried to get on with her for my sons sake but that's not what she wants. She doesn't want him to have anything to do with our family and he can't see through her. I'm beginning to feel uncontrolable rage against this evil manipulative female and I just want this hurt I'm feeling to stop

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Yvonne - posted on 01/04/2015

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I'm sorry Amy obviously we have very different ideas on family and it has nothing to do with anybody owing anybody else. I guess we will have to agree to disagree as we are very clearly two very different people and no one should push their ideals onto another person. That's what makes the world an interesting place. Everyone's different. But thanks again for your opinion . You take care and I wish you luck in your future

Yvonne - posted on 01/04/2015

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Hi Sandy I understand what you are saying and believe me I am in the process of cutting ties. The only problem is that although I'm prepared to stand back and let him get on with it until he wises up and faces facts his girlfriend is still causing trouble and interfering in my life which is effecting my younger children. This girl is pure poison!
Every time I get on with my life and don't give either one of them a thought she does something to upset the applecart and there really is no need for it. As you say I will always love him unconditionally. He is my son. But how much hurt am .I expected to endure. If his little head case of a girlfriend won't back off and stop stirring what am I meant to do? I have 3 other kids at home who are all being hurt here through no fault of their own. His girlfriend is actually jealous of his brother and sisters as they were always close til she started all this stupid childish behaviour. As a Mum you will understand the need to protect my younger children. Thanks

Amy - posted on 01/04/2015

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Nobody owes you anything, no one is required to be loyal to you. I know exactly what you're going through, everyone has been hurt. I've been through a lot I know what it's like to cut people out of my life because they're toxic I am much happier because of it. And just because other family members still maintain a relationship with them it doesn't impact me because again no one owes me anything including their lotalty.

Sandy - posted on 01/04/2015

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IM with MIchelle. Its called tough love. Let him do his thing. He needs to learn. When he finally falls, be there to catch him. Sometimes its harder on you, but you have to be strong. YOU are his Mother and love him unconditionally.

Yvonne - posted on 01/04/2015

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It hanks Amy but your remark wasn't very helpful. You kinda missed the point. I'm not the one trying to control the situation here. All I want is the return of my family loyalty. Evidently you have never experienced this kind of situation. Thanks anyway tho

Amy - posted on 01/04/2015

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Stop trying to control everyone else and focus on yourself and your reactions. You can't control the actions of others and once you realize that you'll be a much happier person.

Yvonne - posted on 01/03/2015

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Hi Michelle
Thanks for that. I did actually tell him that and have had very little contact with him. Although I went to my Moms a few weeks ago and they were both there. It was so hurtful.My Mom knows about everything that goes on and said she would never set foot in her house but here she was! My Mom says she allows her into the house because she doesn't want to alienate her grandson but she must realise how hurtful it is for me as it feels like my mother is condoning all the really bad things she's done and as long as my son has grandmother allowing her in he will continue on the destructive path he is on.........while she gets a little bit further with her plan at splitting up the family. I have always been really close to my Mom until now. This girl has done things to me too that are unforgivable- which my Mom knows about. My Moms lack of loyalty feels worse than my sons

Michelle - posted on 01/03/2015

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It sounds like you son needs a bit of a wake up call. Stop bailing him out, he needs to see her for what she is and if you keep giving him money he won't get it. Let him know that while he is with her and she keeps spending all the money you won't be able to help him anymore.

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