A terrible person

Vivi - posted on 08/11/2014 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Just joined, hello!
i feel completely powerless. i married too fast and had a baby with a very strange, at the beginning, french guy who proved to be mean, insulting and abusive. i am stuck in his country now with our baby and i m just too confused and unable to decide if i should take the baby and go back to my country, meaning do something for freeing myself, or stay and zip my mouth because he loves the baby and it's better for the baby to have both his parents.
Things are even more complicated but the real problem is his behaviour towards me. makes me sick.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dove - posted on 08/13/2014

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Definitely call the lawyer and the embassy as soon as possible. They will be able to give you better advice on how to proceed to keep you and your child safe.

Dove - posted on 08/12/2014

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Ditto Jackie. Please call your embassy TODAY if you can and get help. They may be able to have a 'safe house' for you until your family can get you back.

Jackie - posted on 08/12/2014

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Yes, Vivi, you are in fact being abused. Does your county have an embassy in France? I would suggest a center there. Go to the authorities I am sure they have people there that speak English! Please don't waste any time second guessing yourself, no one wants to separate their child from their father, I know, but this is really endangering yourself and him! God Bless!

Jackie - posted on 08/11/2014

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Vivi, so sorry to hear this. The others are right if he is abusing you especially in front of your child, you need to get away and fast. This is NOT a healthy environment, even if he doesn't do it in front of the child, your child seeing you becoming a broken woman in front him/her is NOT good either. Do whatever you need to do to feel and be safe, then worry about the details. Your welfare and your baby's is what is MOST important. Contact law enforcement, get an attorney, or like others suggested maybe some kind of battered women's center. God Bless! I will keep you in my prayers.

TJT - posted on 08/11/2014

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I agree with Dove, find people who can help you even if that is friends and family, find charities and resources that will help you. Search it on the internet you may even find a help page on there.

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Vivi - posted on 08/13/2014

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Thank you..
No, i have not documented anything.
Today was complete chaos. We live at his parents' house...i couldnt even breathe after he said that i cant leave just like that. I ran to his parents...they know very well he hits and at the beginning they supported me. Now it feels like hitting is a normal thing and they just ignore what s happening. Everyone is crazy for my sweet baby and dont want him to go away, so now they dont help me, they only say it s between you and your husband and since your husband says No, then you stay here and wait for the judge's decision. I left the house in panic and went to the police. They said they have no power since there s no divorce yet and only cared if he hits the baby.That if i leave then yes he can easily go to the police and accuse me of kidnapping the baby. They only gave me a phone number of my embassy in case they can do something to protect us. Tomorrow i m calling this lawyer in my country that my parents arranged.
What a lesson this is....

Dove - posted on 08/13/2014

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Oh sweetie.... you NEVER tell an abusive man you want to leave him. You just take the baby and go. You need to get out and tell someone of the abuse. Make sure they understand you do not want to keep his child from him, but that, due to the abuse, you want to make sure that your baby is SAFE first.

Jackie - posted on 08/13/2014

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Vivi, I hope you have documented the abuse (pics) etc. So you can demonstrate the abuse to the courts. I think that would be enough to ensure you get custody. Also, if he hits you again, CALL the police!! If you are not willing to just go now, this is your only option. I personally wouldn't wait, now that he knows you want to leave and take his child away, what if he does something worse than hit you? People are crazy nowadays! Please be careful!

Vivi - posted on 08/13/2014

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I told him i want to leave....after a while, after being on the internet googling, i guess, he came to me and said that he wont let me take the baby and go just like that. We ll go through all the procedure for a divorce and who will keep the baby :(((((((

Vivi - posted on 08/12/2014

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Thank you all for replying, it means a lot!
i m in France right now. I contacted a women center from my country and they said it s difficult for me to go to authorities etc since i dont speak the language. The only thing i did online was to keep phone numbers of my country's embassy in case things get really bad and i have no one to help me. Here, i m all alone in a house and so confused i dont even know what abusing is. Im sure it s abusive when he hits me, i ve read it s abusive when he calls me names and threatens to destroy my face too. However, the things he says to make me feel guilty, really work on me.
This morning for the first time when i skyped with my family, i told them it s hell here for me. They told me i m leaving but have to be patient to sell a house so that we can take care of the baby( crisis in my country).
I feel very sorry for my baby boy...he is crazy for his dad...

Dove - posted on 08/11/2014

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What country are you in and have you looked into the resources that may be available to you to help women in your situation? If he is abusive to you... you NEED to get out for the sake of you AND your child, but I can't even begin to advise you on the best way to do that as I don't know what you have available.

TJT - posted on 08/11/2014

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If it was me I would want to go back to my own country, maybe find family or friends that can help you.
But if you did go back to your country that could make it worse for you as he could start to try and track you which could make it worse for you and the baby.
If you feel that bad call one of the woman charities that help woman in similar cases to you, they may be able to give you advise.

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