A Whirlpool of Challenges to the Finale

Vira - posted on 11/13/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I'm sharing a summary of my story here in hopes to help and receive help/support. A CPS just completed day 1 of 45 assessment at my home with my husband of 6 years and two children for the last 4 hours of interrogating each one of us individually, except my 2yr old. This was my wake up call!

I am an alcoholic, and just now admitted it to myself (that's important) after drinking on and off since I was 13 years old. I said I could always stop if I wanted to at any time and denied that I had the problem year after year after many years and now at 39 years old later. I am determined to get the help and support that I need to win this!

My marriage is on the verge of divorce, not that the alcohol alone had everything to do with it (maybe most of it) and it definitely didn't help. My husband and I have been constantly at battle (not too much physically but mentally, emotionally, financially and all the above) with each other from the start. But when push comes to shove, when talk must start to walk, when we put our heads together and tuck our problems away for later, we make challenges turn into miracles. And for the last 6 years together, even with the fights and arguments, we've shared and accomplished so much; the good, the bad, and the ugly of the marriage, we've gone from one challenge to the next until the end. So where does the divorce fit in all of this? Every time the "D" word is used, it is usually when we're at each other's neck and it gets thrown on the table. We, I get so wrapped up in my emotions and toss everything out the window that nothing from the start to this very end is worth the constant arguing, fighting, especially with the kids around. The silence comes after the fights, and communication seize only to respond to necessary questions of the daily routines just to live with each other to make it today for the next day. Even though we're two very smart and strong-minded individuals that have managed to fix other problems in our lives with the last 6 years, we've admitted to getting help and save our marriage.

I am unemployed and a stay home mom with no other income. My closest and only support is my husband that is financially. But even he's loaning it from his mother so we're both in the same boat for the last few months now. Since we just moved into a new home and thousands of miles away from family and no other means of emotional support, I have never felt more isolated, helpless, and utterly useless. I have been looking for work wether doing jobs online, or any part-time work in our local area but have been unsuccessful. I've decided to make the sacrifice and look for work outside of our state with the airline industry that will require me to live away from my family and home. But it's still an ongoing challenge just to get a job, and I will continue to TRY and not give up. If I must and when it will be crucial at one point, I will flip burgers to keep trying and not give up.

The winter months are coming if not here already and although it all seem gloomy in this whirlpool of challenges to the end, I have faith, and I see hope, that the future's dim light will hold steady to show me the way for a brighter tomorrow.

Thank you for reading this...

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