abandonment issues!?

Babyblueyezgrl2000 - posted on 09/04/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




my daughter in the past yr has lost her best friend(my mother)of a sudden heart attack and now her father that i had to get a restraining order against because he was getting violent, now she has really abandonment issues and wont even leave me for a min except to go to school. She wont let anyone watch her not even my dad and shes just been acting really weird lately..she flipps out even when i leave to go to the groc store!! any advice??


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First, good for you for understanding the underlying feeling of abandonment, that is already one step ahead, knowing what is really going on. Second, she needs you to be as safe and trustworthy as possible. Honestly, her feelings of vulnerability from the abandonment may NEVER go away. When significant losses happen at an early age it becomes a part of her development and may always be something that affects her perspectives and choices, etc.... so therapy is always a good idea and may be something that she needs periodically in her life to understand what makes her feel and think and do the things she feels, thinks, and does. Make sense? She also will always need you to be someone that she can truly, fully count on. It will get easier but if you go to the grocery store (even if she is still too young to tell time), be very specific with her - "Mommy is going to the store, it's 1:30 right now and I'll be back before the clock says 3:00" - make sure you set the boundaries wide enough for you to make it in time and when you get home show her that it isn't 3:00 yet (get the idea?). Also... try very hard to only let stable, reliable people become significant in her life, people that will also help you instill the same kind of trust with her. Oh and I am so very sorry for your loss(es) as well.

Kyleigh - posted on 09/04/2011




Sounds like she definitly has a lot going on how old is she? I would first always make sure they she knows by simply talking to her letting her know she is safe with you . Possibly some therapy (for individual and family) my children are enrolled and its been benefiticial and with restraining orders etc witnessing alot and talking about it ALL helps.

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