Abortion because of very bad SPD ????

Giliane - posted on 03/18/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

4

0

0

It's a cry for help!! I have two girls 3 and 18 months I had spd with my first at 6 or 7 months crutches then wheelchair then was able to walk freely when she was 3 or 4 months old. My second pregnancy spd started pain at 10 weeks was on crutches then was so severe than I was immobile needed injection every day to avoid blood clot physio was no help at all I couldn't care at all for my first one who was a toddler. My husband and I were alone as no one understood my debilitating suffering with no help alone all the time I had to send my wee one away at family abroad. Living on a flying third floor stairs I was a prisoner and was free for trips at GP or hospital in wheelchair. After delivery as they induce me at 38 weeks well I don't know how but it was worse I was a useless mother for my wee one and my new born!! I was still on crutches until December 2013 my second one being born in August 2012!! We were told by the physicians who fixed me to wait at least 2 years before conceiving again. Well with me being able to do what I had suddenly stop doing like lifting my 3 year old giving her cuddles in the street in park being able to walk holding her hand or pushing my wee one in her pram dancing jumping all those activities we take from granted when we have normal bodies. Well we started having a sex life again and one careless night well I'm pregnant again!! I suspected when I started to have those groin clack then wobbly feeling legs then mild sciatica pain for no reason oh yes and sickness!! We found out today I'm 8 weeks I'm already loosing my mobility degrading every day like with my second pregnancy. My husband and I are still sooo horrified by what happened and the fear of me being stuck in a wheelchair for good and the other psychological reasons and impact on us and above all on our first child that we are contemplating termination.!! I spoke to physio who examined my case and told me it was a realistic choice... But I still have doubts I don't want to be a murderer nor want to be back to be severely disabled and stay in a wheelchair!!! Not enjoying my pregnancy again nor my kids being depressed and blaming it all on my husband and all the bad drama that can follow... Are we right to terminate this pregnancy next week ??? Thank you for any advice.

11 Comments

View replies by

Abby - posted on 06/10/2014

1

0

0

This is my first pregnancy and I've had spd before. I've always been horrified that pregnancy would be incredibly painful for me and at 9 weeks and 2 days, the spd hit. It's not unbearable yet, but I suspect that it will grow continuously worse. I can say right now this will probably be my one and only pregnancy. I will have this child, but if ever I get pregnant again, I will without a doubt terminate. Especially in your situation, I would take into deep consideration that you have two children to take care of, and in extreme cases, can put you in a wheel chair for the rest of your life. Will you be able to care for your current two if that happens? Remember, you are the only one who can make the right decision for you, but you have to take your own well being and current little ones into consideration. I wish you the best and hope your pain is short lived!

Ronnie - posted on 03/21/2014

2

0

0

I feel for you so much.your at a cross road in what to do.I had mild spd and that hurt enough, but I can kinda relate my issues were constant sickness, like 30 times a day until I gave birth. I know what you feel like though not being able to function and care for other children as I ended up on meds to try stop sickness which didnt work and ended up dehydrated and admitted in hospital. I couldnt leave house, and hated being pregnant. And alsi had no support from anyone but my husband.This sickness has happened through all my pregnancies. I have now6 children. My newest one only 6 weeks old but was born 8week prem because of how ill I got. This has been the case for my last 3 births (prem labour I mean) people may state to you about contraception but you may (like myself) be allergic to all that are out there or be medically not allowed them. But I do warn you about a abortion. I heartbreakingly did have one before I fell pregnant with my little boy. And yes for a few weeks I felt better. But emotionally it ended up screwing me up and was the worse thing I did. Caused me so much pain I temperally seperated from my husband as i changed in myself. I never thought i could have one tbh.The only way I sorted myself out was being given a chance again and fell pregnant (weirdly on its due month) did have a terrible pregnancy again but he was worth it. it may be the right thing for yourself to do and you will know deep down but I did make the wrong choice and I do feel like I murdered one of my babies and have to live with that now. I did try finding out about getting sterilized to avoid any future issues but im to young despite having 6 children high fertility and no form of contrecption suitable (tried and tested all) all I say is do what you want but dont rush any choice unless your 100%. Im so sorry your in this bad place but hope all goes well for you whichever way you decide x

Dee - posted on 03/21/2014

3

0

0

I'd sit down and weigh the pros and cons...make a list. Focus on both the emotional, physical, etc. effects of all decisions. Play out the "what ifs..." What if you did get an abortion? Are you confident that you will be comfortable with that decision (as it is a lifelong decision)? Are you comfortable with keeping the child (again, a lifelong decision).
One of the things I will say is that as a mom, I would endure any pain to allow my child to live, but, each person knows their own pain tolerance level. Is there a specialist who can help you get through and manage this pregnancy? Are there community resources, church groups, friends who can assist you with your other children? See if you can, in the next week, put together a plan of action. I am certain if your friends knew how very much you needed the help, they would (or definitely should!) rally around you and help you with meals, housecleaning, babysitting your other children. Consider hiring a "mother's helper"- a responsible young, teenage girl who, while she may not be ready to babysit completely unsupervised, she can watch your kids and help you do some simple chores. I did this as a child myself and it worked out well for everyone- I got experience and loved watching the kids- and the mom got some "me time" and was able to also work on a business from home.
The reality is, if you go forward, you need help and a plan. You CAN do this, though...it is more that you need to decide if you want to do this. This is a decision that only you and your husband alone can make. Just make sure after you make the decision, you are comfortable with it and have peace in your heart.
There just may be a reason why this little one is here...I don't believe that things are just "flukes". This little one may prove to be the greatest gift of all. If I were your child, I'd be so proud of you for going through such pain to be my mother...I think your children will have a whole new respect for someone who has endured so much just so that they can be here on this earth.

Angela - posted on 03/21/2014

2,457

9

322

Giliane, I sympathise with your predicament. It sounds as though you have already made up your mind - but you know that mentioning a possible abortion is always going to be controversial on a public forum!

I personally don't agree with abortion but this is not my baby, not my health and not my life.

I would say that such a risk to your health and your ability to be a normal, functioning parent to the children you already have - let alone another one - would have made me far more careful with contraception. Yes, there are failure rates with most contraceptive methods - which is why it makes sense to double-up! Use more than one method! For example condom & Pill, or diaphragm & implant - etc ..... A little inconvenience in one's lovelife is far preferable to a choice between pregnancy/childbirth which affects the mother's health adversely OR abortion which will in many cases affects the emotional wellbeing/mental health of the person undergoing this procedure.

But it is too late now to remedy by doubling up on contraception. You can't turn the clock back.

Sarah is not being "harsh" in suggesting female steriliization (or male sterilization of your partner, come to that!). Because I imagine most couples in your position would realistically consider this option.

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I hope you can make a choice which brings you peace.

Sarah - posted on 03/19/2014

3,876

14

1082

Please know I am not judging. I am not in her shoes and can't make the choice. But in saying that I also don't think it is right to end up in the same spot again later down the road having to make the same decision. Terminating although may end the physical pain still brings emotional pain. To me if someone is asking if they should do it then maybe there is a reason they are asking. My only judgment would be if you are at this spot again. I do think IUD would be better then condoms as there is less risk.

Giliane - posted on 03/19/2014

4

0

0

Yes Sarah there are chances that it comes again but it would be mild compare to now as my body would have had time to recover! This time is just not the fair moment as everyone of us will be badly affected above all that life inside of me too! You kinda help me have peace with that decision! Before hysterectomy I will go for the IUD I was proposed yesterday. Thanks for your advice

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/19/2014

21,273

9

3058

What did help me was the baby belt. It is expensive, and way better than the ones that you can buy at a maternity store, but it really help relieve the pressure on my pelvis.

And Sarah, SPD is extremely debilitating. I had it bad, but she has it severe. Try not to judge something you don't know about.

On that note Giliane, I understand you want more kids eventually, but the reality is, SPD will indeed get worse with each pregnancy, no matter the length of time between them. I hate to say it, but looking into some form of permanent birth control is most likely a must in your case.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/19/2014

21,273

9

3058

So I am not going to read the comments first. I am just gonna answer. If you want to keep this child, you need to find a doctor or midwife that understands SPD. With each pregnancy you have, the worse it can get, and yes can land you in a wheelchair for the rest of your life.

What happens with SPD (which I am sure you know) The cartilage in your pubic bone separates and tears from the bone. During pregnancy, hormones are SUPPOSE to help them stretch for delivery. BUT, there are certain positions that will increase the pain of SPD like delivering on your back. It can completely tear everything and debilitate you for life. Positions for delivery like on your side are much easier on the pelvis, and does not create as much trauma.

I also had SPD with my second. I never landed in a wheelchair or crutches, but it was VERY painful to even walk. I could never get comfortable. I was told with each consecutive pregnancy, it would get worse, potentially leading to never walking again. I got my tubes tied after delivery. I had great midwives and they all knew about my condition, and I delivered a happy healthy baby. Soon after delivery I had VERY mild pain, and within 2 weeks I had no issues with SPD at all.

If you do not want to terminate, you MUST find a doctor or midwife well versed in SPD. BUT, you still need to understand the risks. They will thoroughly explain them to you.

Sarah - posted on 03/19/2014

3,876

14

1082

But if this is happening with each of your pregnancies then chances are no matter how long you wait between pregnancies this will happen again. And as our bodies age there is a higher chance of issues and not recovering from those issues. So then you are in the same place you are in again. A baby at 8 wks. has a brain, a heart, arms, and eyelids.....it is not just an egg. You are the only one that can make the decision. You are the one that has to live with the choice. I understand where you are coming from. You asked for advice (as I am sure you are struggling). This would be my advice. My suggestion about hysterectomy was not out of harshness. It is so you don't have to be at this spot again. ...killing a baby is pretty harsh and I am sure you don't want to have to be standing at this spot again.

Giliane - posted on 03/19/2014

4

0

0

Yes Sarah in my shoes you are not and by the way you answered you have really no idea what is having real severe Symphysis Pelvis dysfunction!!! As you put it me not functioning I won't be able to take care of any of my kids!!! I know it the way the pain is back this time that early I'm already on drugs that for normal pregnancy are well forbidden and honestly even not being pregnant I will not take for that long !!! Yes 30 weeks of a mix of tramadol codeine morphine to name a few what kind of human being will I bring to world?? I won't even be able to ease its suffering!!! What kind of mum will I become in severe debilitating pain, high by the medicines unable to play, cuddle my kids be a mum because that's how it is going to affect us depending on my husband for everything even the simple privacy of going to the loo!! In tears most of the time... Now ok baby comes in the world and me staying paralysed for life will I be able to love him!! Do I have the right to bring its to life with all the consequences of a mother being on heavy medication and just resent the poor baby because I know I will be very bitter... It has been that long with no sex life with my husband I don't know what happened with the condom that night I didn't think that just that time my body will use it to conceive just that once!!! This time is different Sarah my body has not fully recover to bear child with the best chances!! I want more kids but this is just not right, it's not the right time! I've ask this baby to forgive us and come back at a better time! We wouldn't consider termination if the outcome wasn't that it will be more destroying than being a bundle of joy. Oh and yesterday as I was struggling my 3 year old said to me ooh mum I can see your pain is back let me be your crutches... Do you need a massage?? ... Mum I can't find your big belt!!! She was hectic looking everywhere like under a sugar rush but scared! I wonder where her innocence has gone she is just 3 well 3,5 what will be the impact on her this time??
Yes Sarah it's a baby growing inside of me which is not already a complete human being to function on is own yet still just in an egg like image I couldn't consider termination if I was in my second trimester so before talking that harshly about hysterectomy or tube tied and don't know what else think!! Anyway thank you for your answer

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2014

3,876

14

1082

I am not in your shoes. I can't imagine what you are going through. But this is a baby inside you. A baby just like the two you have now.....can you imagine life without them? I know you are in pain but does that justify taking a baby's life? My question to you is if this is something that makes it that hard to function then why do you allow your body the possibility to get pregnant. I would suggest getting tube tied or hysterectomy. Then look at what other ways you c an add to your family. This would be a better option then getting pregnant and then killing the baby because you are unable to function.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms