about to become single mom leaving abusive relationship

Samantha. - posted on 07/20/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a 23 year old mom of a 6 year old and i am 10 weeks pregnant. I am about to become single, I am leaving my partner of 10 years. We have been through a lot of crap over the past 4 years. But the past 2 to 3 years we have just drifted aparted there is no conversation between us anymore its as if we barely know each other. I dont feel that he loves me or our son in fact im pretty sure he dont. He dont support us in any way at all, i pay all the bills and buy all the food he dont work but is never home just out with friends being a kid, he is very immature and im sure he is taking drugs.
The night before last he went through my phone when i was asleep and woke me up shouting about something really stupid, saying he didnt like me talking to a certain friend, he then changed it to me calling me every name under the sun, it was as if he just wanted to argue, he has been abusive in the past but ive never seen him how he was this night, like he really hated me an i hadnt even done anything. He was saying i better make sure I have an abortion, he will kick the baby out of me untill i bleed. we was having a heated arguement at this point. He spat in my face a number of times and i could tell he wanted to hit me. i started throwing up jus from being so upset, my son woke up and i heard him tell him to go back to sleep and that he loves him and mommy, my son started crying and said but your hurting my mom.
Thats when i realised ive got to get away from him. he caused all this at 4am in the morning knowing i had to be up for work and my son up for school. I have decided im not allowing my son to see any more behaviour like this i want to bring him up in a happy household. he called me today for the first time after this happened he didnt really apologise not that it would make a difference though. He just spoke as if i was going to forget about what happend i have told him im serious about it and i am going its over.
Im moving away from the area i live and dont want him to know where we are which means my son changing schools, my family also live here but i cant stay here and be happy. I am very upset as i wanted more for mine and my kids lives, just a normal life. i think thats why ive stuck around untill now. I dont love him anymore i hate him now, that night i had to wash my bed clothes because i could smell him and i couldnt stand it. I just dont know how someone can tell you they love you and treat you so bad. I am determined i can do this i am just scared..
any advice comments appreciated x

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Samantha. - posted on 07/21/2012

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Thank u..I am also sad I stayed and got pregnant again..but things havent been bad for a long time just not good either as in we just didnt seem happy but carried on. That night was a wake up call for me. Obviously it is harder knowing I am pregnant and if im honest would be easier if i wasnt, but whos to say we wouldnt have split up in the future when the baby was here? would i regret the baby then? I dont consider myself brave, i just feel im not able to change my feelings towards the baby im carrying just because me and its dad wont be together. but no I wouldnt stop him seeing the kids thats not my plan.

Louise - posted on 07/20/2012

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Good for you! Your son is listening to all this going on and if you stay you are telling him this is the way to behave. I feel a little sad that you did not leave this man before becoming pregnant again as you now have another mouth to feed and will obviously have to take time off work or loose your gob to care for him/her. You are a brave woman!

I think you are doing the right thing although at a rough time. Don't move away from your family and friends you are going to need them for support. Get a restraining order from your husband and feel safe in your own home. Your son however, needs to see his dad to maintain a relationship you do not. Instruct a solicitor for divorce proceedings and then file for maintenance. He may not have a job now, but he is going to have to get off his but and get one to keep himself and his kids.

If you don't love him (and I am not surprised) then get him out of your life, it is not going to be easy, but you can do it. Just make sure that the kids dont suffer with the marriage break up. They will need regular access. I know that sucks but believe me if you take them away from dad they will be very bitter towards you in their teenage years. Good luck for the future. xx

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