Yarnna - posted on 02/06/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )
Mines a long story i need help with please?
So i got pregnant with my daughter in december 08, due august 09. I last saw her father at my 5 months scan in april 09. I had found out in the march that he was 'trying' to get with other women from his work. he missed scans and said that work would not allow him the time off, shortly after i found out that he never told anyone he was expecting a child. He told everyone he worked with that he had a 'pregnant flatmate'. I was of no importance to him. I kicked him out but continued to let him be involved which is why he attended the 5 month scan. But that was the last day i saw and spoke to him. I messaged him on his birthday in may 09 saying happy birthday p***k (because he had abandonned us), he said 'thanks'. that was it. I left it there and got on with my pregnancy and preparation for life as a single mother. I was induced with my daughter a week late, once i knew my induction date, i contacted my exs father and told him that regardless of what has happened, if my babys dad wanted to come to the birth then he was welcome to come. His father passed on the message and he told me that my daughters fathers response was 'iv got a job interview'
I had my daughter, a dramatic labour. She was taken straight to neonatal and was there a week. Once we were all home and settled i did message her father on facebook, also messaged the girl he was with at the time.. He insisted on blocking me constantly. I tried numerous times to make contact with no joy. by 2010 i gave up and got on with our lives and we have been happy by ourselves.
Her father has been seen by members of my family and every time has literally ran off up the street etc.
I got the CSA involved when she was 2yrs old because he told friends of mine that she was not his daughter and im a lying this that and the other. So in anger, i contacted the CSA.
He told the CSA that he was not her father also and they granted him a DNA test. He did not show up for his appointment. They granted him a second chance to have his DNA test. He did not show up. They assumed parentage and told him he to pay for her. 3yrs later... i have never received a penny. He owes £4,800 in total.
In November of 2013, he accepted my friends request on facebook. A request that i had sent to him 8 months BEFORE he accepted it. He didnt message me so i messaged him to see what he wanted, he said he wanted to start seeing my child.
I thought about it, i eventually said ok. I took her to meet him. she was shy and didnt want to talk or look at him. but eventually she was fine and had a good time. I took her again the following weekend. Always at my expense. My travel expense, my expense paying entry into fun places and buying her dinner and drinks. each visit cost me around £30. so when i asked if he could see her at our home, because i also have things i need to do on saturdays at home and cant bring her every weekend and also pay £30 every saturday, he said his girlfriend would not allow him to come to my house. I was also not allowed to have a phone number for him.
After the 3rd time i took her to see him, 3 days later i received a letter from mediation. he had basically tried to get me to go to mediation for no apparent reason because he was already being allowed access every saturday.
I know the only reason he has done it is because his girlfriend does not want him to be alone with me and my child. And because i told him that his girlfriend was not allowed to come with him when he met us, because i felt that my daughter needed to get to know her father for a good while before being introduced to more people that she does not know, and really, who is she anyway? shes no-one to me or my daughter so realy there is no need for my daughter to meet this woman? right?
Basically whats happening now is that iv stopped taking her to meet him. just because i wont allow him to see her alone or take her out without me being present and because i wont let him bring his girlfriend with him, he decided to seek legal advice. I thought this was an utter JOKE! considering he has denied she is his, never paid a penny, never been involved.
his reason for not being involved for 4 years is because i apparently would not allow him to be involved ?? which is not true whatsoever. He says he has been apparently desperate to be in her life since day one, for someone so desperate to see their child, why deny she is yours? why not pay for her? why not message me on facebook because he has always been able to contact me via facebook but never has. Also as i said, i sent him a friends request in feb 2013 because i wanted to discuss CSA, it tokk him 8 months to accept my request. If you were so desperate to see your daughter, you would have jumped at that friends request instantly. not 8 months later.
Also, the time he finally got in touch in november 2013, was only a few days after the CSA informed me he was on his second liability order for not making CSA payments... coincidence?
Im so angry that men can do this! I am all for fathers having rights to their children, but i think the law needs to be changed on fathers who are absent from birth! What my daughters dad has done here, is decided he wasnt ready to be a father just yet, she he ran away and lived his life of holidays, sex, parties and freedom for an extra 4 and a half years. Now he's had enough of the party scene, he's decided 'im bored, oh yea, i forgot i have a child... i think il start doing the dad thing now'
How is this allowed by law? If a mother gives her child away, via adoption, she cant just turn around in so many years and say 'oh im ready now..i want my kid back' can they?! so why are the scumbag dead beat dads of the world allowed to do this to us as mothers and our children.
Im worried incase he has some kind of right to her, im also worried what the effect of court will have on my beautiful happy girl... court can damage kids childhoods and i dont want that for her at all... yet another thing that these 'fathers' have no consideration for, is the damage they are causing for their children.