Kalli - posted on 08/08/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
I have a 6-year old daughter who's bio-dad is currently working outside of his home city. I have sole custoy & he has visitation resulting in the every other weekend thing. When she was around 2 we couldn't agree on a visitation agreement so we settled to follow the parent-time schedule according to the state. (UT) He has never really been involved with my daughter other than his every other weekend visit and alot of times she spends time elsewhere rather than with him. I have always tried to respect him and his rights and have just disregarded things when she has come home and told me she spent very minimal time with him during her visit. He is re-married now and has a daughter who is a few months old, my daughter has come home every weekend since April telling me that she didn't even see her dad she just spent the time with her step-mom. I am fine with her spending time with her step-mom and her younger sibling I want her to have a good relationship with all of her siblings, her and my daughter are best friends. I have stepped outside of my comfort zone and started coordinating my daughters busy schedule with her step-mom so we could all be on the same schedule. I have not spoken with/seen my ex-husband since April, he has basically detached himself from my daughters life in all aspects. Recently she has really started acting out, gets stressed and cries when she finds out she has to go with her step-mom. I wrote it off the first couple of times just thinking she was afraid she was going to miss something, but then she started coming home tired, rude & whiny. I started digging deeper to find out why she was acting like this and she told me she doesn't feel comfortable staying overnight with her step-mom anymore. She also told me her step-mom doesn't let her sleep in her own bed when her dad is gone she has to sleep WITH her step-mom & her little sister. Her little sister (being a baby) keeps her up at night and she doesn't get any sleep. On the 24th of July she had a cheerleading performance that I took her too, it was her dad's holiday but he wasn't present, when I went to drop her off to her step-mom after her performance she cried and told me she didn't want to go with her so I told her we'd talk to her step-mom about it together so she wouldn't think I was lying about my daughter not wanting to go. Her step-mom told her if you don't want to come with me, it's ok you don't have to you can stay with your mom. My daughter was so relieved told her thank you and we spent the rest of the day together, this past weekend her dad came home for a few hours and told her that what she did wasn't right and she wasn't allowed to tell her step-mom she didn't want to go with her anymore. She came home upset & confused because of the conflicting statements between her dad & step-mom. State law says that he has to be present within 1 hour after her step-mom picking her up but I was trying to be civil about it even knowing he was gone because I want her to build a relationship with her sister. I talked to my daughter about changing the terms of her visitation to be Saturday from 8 - 8 so she wouldn't have to stay overnight - my daughter said that was what she wanted so she could still see her sister but she wouldn't have to spend the night with her step-mom anymore. I am writing up a proposition to give them but I know it will not go over well - but I feel it should be about what my daughter wants not me or them. What do you all think?