Absent fathers family is sending my son $

Kendall - posted on 10/16/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son is 18 months old and his dad only comes around once every 5-6 months. I never filed child support because he works 2 days a week (not sure why), and began using drugs so I don't think my son would ever receive a dime of it. My sons great grandma (dads side) keeps sending me cards for the holidays and just sent me $50 to help me pay for diapers and clothes. I promised her I would put it in a savings account for him, but I don't know what to do about this situation. If his father is inconsistent, is it healthy to allow other family members to be around him? I worry it will get confusing if it continues through the years. And what should I do to stop this inconsistency? I already talked to him but he doesn't care! He wants to play video games and go on dates with random girls. Everything else seems to be more important than my son to him :( any suggestions or insight would help :)

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/16/2013

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I agree with Dove. And I'll add that you NEED to get support orders in place, because at some point, he could decide he wants to be involved.

I've seen absent dads petition (and win) custody, even after being out of the kids life for years and never paying support.

He played, he needs to pay. You are enabling him by letting him off easy. Who cares if he does drugs...he needs to support the child that he helped create. Who cares if he wants to date, there's that other obligation of the kid he helped create.

But, as far as the extended family sending money, wanting contact...if they're trustworthy, and they want to be involved, its kind of a slap in the face to say "well, your son/grandson is an asshole and doesn't support us, so you can't see us either"...No child can ever have enough people that love them.

Michelle - posted on 10/16/2013

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I agree with the other ladies. I also want to add that your can't make someone be a parent. You have to do everything you can for your child and that includes letting him know his family.
I don't understand why it would get confusing having the family members around. You have to get custody orders in place though and also petition for child support. Even if you don't get any, he needs to know that he has a child that he's responsible for.

Dove - posted on 10/16/2013

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If you know and trust other members of his family and they are showing an active interest in your child.... it is absolutely ok for them to have involvement w/ him.

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Kendall - posted on 10/19/2013

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Thank you so much for your help ladies! I will definitely try to keep in contact with his family that wants to be around and I really should file child support. Daycare is so expensive! I really could use the help :(

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