abuse

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/14/2013

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Well, once you go, he can TRY to find a 'decent woman who knows how to treat a man'...but he'd probably have better luck if he were to move to someplace in the middle east where they view women in the same way that he does!

Catherine, get out. Go to your mom's. 52 is NOT too old to get your feet under you, and pick up your self esteem. Get to mom's, get involved in some support groups, find a good book club, quilting ring, or similar hobby, and reinvent your life as a free woman who's not a victim anymore.

He's the only failure in the equation. His mother very obviously didn't raise him well, to respect women and treat them as a prize, rather than a possession.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2013

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NO!!! You haven't made him like that. NO man has the right to hit a woman!!!!!

Him telling you these things is abuse as well as him laying a hand on you. You need to leave.
My 1st husband was verbally abusive and that's a lot harder to establish than physical abuse. If a man ever layed a hand on me I would be out of there before he could even say sorry!!!
My current husband would never dream of hitting me.
Believe it or not we also never argue. That's why I know he is the perfect man for me.
Marriage shouldn't be a chore and since meeting my 2nd husband I also don't believe that you have to "work" at it. My husband and I are perfect for each other. There is no work needed in our relationship.

I hope you find the strength to leave the abuse and find your perfect partner. He is out there somewhere for you.

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Rissa - posted on 11/16/2013

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Replying to "how do you no you are being abused please".

If a person says s/he is being abused, it is only helpful to support him or her in surviving and escaping the abuse. It is not helpful to question his or her perception of abuse. Please reconsider this kind of question.

Catherine - posted on 11/14/2013

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The other thing he is always saying is once i go he can get his life back and find a decent woman that knows how to treat a man and i no that makes me stay with him because it makes me feel more of a failure.

Penny - posted on 11/14/2013

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Go to your moms. 52 is the new 35. And you have no idea how much better you will feel once you are out of this for a while. You should never be with someone because you are afraid that you could not be wanted by anyone else. You are enough on your own, and i you forgot that, then give yourself some space and time to remember it. Men act like this because they can. So take that away from him.

Penny - posted on 11/14/2013

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Abusers are all men who used to be little boys whose mommy's never told them NO and always, always made excuses for them. Or at least that is my opinion. I dont care WHAT you do, you cannot force someone to act like a jackass.

If I posted on here that I just beat my children but they pushed my buttons, how many people would think that was a credible excuse? My son once knocked me unconscious with a damn fisherprice cookie jar when I was 8months pregnant. The kid knows how to push buttons. But I control my own hands and actions. There is no button you could push that would make me into an abuser. Make sense?

Catherine - posted on 11/14/2013

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Thank you for your post that has given me some hope, i think because i am 52 years old it is too late for me. My abuser says that it must be me as my first husband beat me and that is what i think so i have to stay and try and make him happy. I could go to my mums for a while to sort myself out, i just feel so useless as he tells me it is all my fault why he has to shout and hit me. He is not sorry for hitting me., he says if i behaved myself he wouldnt get so angry.

Penny - posted on 11/14/2013

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It can be pretty insidious, meaning it creeps up on you. Usually abusers like to push the boundary little by little so that your normal changes and that and a bit of denial can make it hard to know in the beginning. There are some things that you can sort of check for:

Does he put you down? The way you do your job, clean the house, take care of your kids?
Does he isolate you? Get jealous when you spend time with friends or family? Question their motives and intentions? Put them down too?
Does he threaten you? Not just with physical violence, posturing can be threats like he will damage your property. He will take away your children if you leave. He will kill himself if you leave.
Does he make you feel unsafe? My husband used to drive really recklessly if we were arguing in the car, even though our children were in the back seat. I would be pleading with him to slow down, apologizing, crying... There are lots of ways to feel unsafe and you know when you feel it.

I think if you were being physically abused you would know it - he cant push, punch, slap, bump, or hold you down even in an argument. He cant stop you from leaving the house either. He cant throw things at you, spit on you... But emotional abuse is not always as easy to see. If you wonder if you are being abused, then you might very well be. Here is a link to an abuse checklist.

http://www.cdh.org/medical-services/serv...

You can also google your local domestic violence call center. They are confidential, they cant force you to leave him or anything like that, they are just good places to call if you are scared or sad.
I would also suggest talking to friends and family and getting a safety plan in place if you are being abused. A code word you can say to a friend on the phone that tells the you need them to come over. A bag packed at a neighbor's with important papers like passports, birth certificates.

Catherine - posted on 11/14/2013

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Thank you for that, but he says i am argumentative and dont behave like a woman or no how to treat a man properly and respectively. I do get hit occasionaly but he says that i should not push buttons.

Have i made this man like this, he says i have damaged him.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2013

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If you are feeling inadequate, put down, yelled at, scared, or nervous of your partner then you are being abused.
You should feel 100% comfortable and happy with your partner.

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