abusive 17 year old daughter

Leah - posted on 12/04/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Abusive daughter every time she see me or if I say something she doesn't want to hear today for example in hungry all I said is your always hungry her so your saying I'm fat she is a size 8 skinny .so a argument flipped in the air I have chucked her out 3 times this year because of the abuse she gives me but always ends up coming home and no different its like the world owes her something never smacked her always got what she wanted cos her dad was never around while she was growing up and now he is deceased 2 years ago she has been like this since she was nine put it down to start of puberty but now worse than ever told her my house my rules got chucked of college for not turning up hasn't got a job and thinks i can give her hand outs for her weekends with her mates just need some advise how to control this horrible situation

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Raye - posted on 12/07/2015

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Amber, I guess you also didn't read the part where the OP has already kicked her out three times. I said to lay out the rules, start enforcing them with consequences, and give her time to start showing improvement. THEN, if she still was disrespectful and disobeying to give her a date to move out. Depending on where you live, legal age is between 14 and 21 (most US states, 18). The OP's daughter is 17 and is out of High School. Since I said to give it time once she started enforcing the rules, I assumed it would get her close to her 18th birthday, then give her a little more time to find a new place to live if she wasn't responding to the consequences by turning her attitude around. But, yes, after all that, if she moves out, then don't let her come back. She will be an adult, and she needs to understand that actions have consequences. She needs to sink or swim by her own choices.

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Dove - posted on 12/05/2015

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Yes, she's 17 and something like that 'should' wait until she's 18... but she's already graduated from high school, so I have a feeling she'll be 18 pretty soon.

That is what you DO w/ adult children... you have rules that they abide by (and a rental agreement) or they find other living arrangements. At least if you are raising self sufficient adult children... and not worthless moochers.

How many adult children do you have Amber?

Amber - posted on 12/04/2015

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Raye ramsey why would she give her 17 DAUGHTER 30 days to move out and not let her come back? Do you not have kids? That whole statement is unnecessary. Leah, you just need to put your foot down don't let her run over you but at the same time don't go over board .

Dove - posted on 12/04/2015

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You can't spoil a kid rotten (always getting whatever she wants) and then expect them to be any different. You created a monster by not dealing w/ this when she was actually a child. She is about to become an adult... so it is time for her to be treated like an adult.

She can go to college and get a job and abide by the household rules... or find another place to live. She's likely not to believe you as it seems that she has had no consistent boundaries in her life, so it's up to you to stick to the contract that you two create together... or be prepared to have her living w/ you and abusing you forever.

Leah - posted on 12/04/2015

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Thank you for the advise much appreciated and where I said she is always hungry she had just had something to eat but will take your advise thanks again

Raye - posted on 12/04/2015

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Well, the first thing that came to my mind is that it seems neither of you are respectful to the other. If she said "I'm hungry", and your response was "you're always hungry", that is rude and unnecessary. You should tell her what time dinner will be, or tell her to go make a snack. If you want her to act mature, you need to show her by example and don't back down from disciplining her. She does need to have rules and consequences while she lives under your roof. Don't give her handouts that she doesn't earn. Tell her what the conditions are for her to continue living at home (i.e. job, helping with expenses or doing chores, respectful communication, adhering to curfew, etc.). Give her a time frame for her to show improvement in these areas, or else she will have to find a new place to live. If the time comes and she hasn't lived up to your expectations, then give her 30 days to move and don't let her come back home.

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