Abusive adult daughter

Kathy - posted on 09/17/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter has been abusive to me for a long time
She has hurt me most recently by taking my 15 snd 16 year old grandchildren out of my life
All I have done is work make a living and take care of her
I just can't seem to get over the hurst this time

6 Comments

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Raye - posted on 02/01/2016

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Kelly, you have replied to someone else's post and you were not offering advice about their situation. To get advice about your specific situation, you should really create your own new conversation. Then you know people are replying about your story, and not someone else's. I would also suggest you create paragraphs so the story is easier to read.

Kellymarie1986 - posted on 01/31/2016

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Hi, I have a 20 year old daughter who for many years has been verbally and metaly abusing me, when she was14 I left her dad, I took the kids (3) to one side and told them as best I could I was leaving she just walked away, I didn't see or hear from her for almost a year, when she came just before her 15th birthday saying her dad had kicked her out and she was pregnant, I took her in even after her not speaking to me for almost a year, we sorted the problem. I was in a new relationship at that time and that turned in to a physical abusive one, I managed to leave sometime after. While she was with me it was hard, I had my other 2 children with me and sent them off to school one morning with a packed lunch as I had no money for dinner, she didn't like this and we argued, as she was leaving I threw the packed lunch at her, she went to school and reported me to the social services hence that night and for the next 3 weeks having my children took off me, as it tuned the truth came out and she went to live with my parents, after 3 months of living there my mum was being abused by her and we had to kick her out, her dad took her in after saying he would never have her again, once again she stopped speaking to me, to cut a long story short this happened 4 more times over the years, going from one parent to the other, never paying her way, dropping out of collage, getting jobs but always being off ill and then to either get sack or go to court (another story) in 2014 we sorted stuff to a extent, and she met a man n started staying at his more than home, then moved in with him in one of his mums houses, then she became pregnant again, I was there all the way for her, decorated baby's room, paid for pushchair and my parents paid for nursery furniture, I was her birthing partner and that was an amazing experience, then she seemed to change again against me, and when my granddaughter was 3 weeks d she fell out with me over selling a guitar, it took nearly 2 months before she would let me see my grandchild. My grandchild is now 9 months old, and my daughter has just gone back to work, she asked me if I could have her one day a week while she is at work, I said I could but I may have odd week were I can't as I am a single mother and work full time so I have my responsibility a my self, the day I went to pick my grandchild up she was in bed, it was 7:15am and I was taking my son to work as well, as she wasn't up I said I would take him first as its 5 mins up the road, she went crazy, saying I did it on purpose and she would now be late for work, she wasn't having baby in car seat ready till I got there and she stopped me from having her and put her in day nursery, she told me before that she needed 4 week notice to book her in day nursery if I couldn't have her but managed to do it at 7:15 am, this was beginning of jan and I haven't seen her since, I messaged her to see if she was ok and all I got back was "I don't know what to say to you", she won't pick up my calls, won't open the door if I go round, and is saying it's my fault and I have never put my children first, I am a single mum and work all the hours I can so my 2 children at home get the roof over there head and food on the table, I manage to pay my bills on time and they do get some treats, my priority is them 2. She says I should put family first and that means her and grandchild. I haven't seen her since Xmas day, I went to her and had to go for a time as she had his parents going, she spends lots of time with his family and none with mine she says she hates his mum and says horrible things about her but spends all the time with them, my parents have said they have had enough and are disowning her, they miss their great grand child, her partner doesn't have much to do with us and never has. She wasn't talking to her dads wife and hasn't since they fell out over a year ago but New Year's Eve she posted pictures on Facebook of them all out together celebrating together, that hurt me very much as I didn't even get a happy new year of her and I offend to have my grandchild so she could go out but his mum had her instead, then she keeps posting in FB video clips of my grandchild crawling and other things, it hurts very much knowing I am missing out on my grandchild a life and my daughter doesn't understand that the longer she leaves it the bond gets less, she sends me abusive texts hurtful texts as apparently I am to blame, I cannot split my self in 2 and my family I provid for should come first. Anyone give me advice on what to do?

Gardensparrow - posted on 09/22/2015

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Thanks for the update, Kathy. I know squeezing in counseling can be tough when you've already got a lot on your plate -- which it sounds like you do. But prayer can certainly go a long way, and I'll be joining you. So, keep us posted on how you're doing, OK?

Kathy - posted on 09/18/2015

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Thank you for your reply
Would like to go for counseling,but at the present time I work snd also am taking care of my two parents (they are in their 90's)
I will just keep the faith and keep praying

Gardensparrow - posted on 09/18/2015

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Well, it's definitely heartbreaking when our relationships break down with our adult children--especially when it affects contact with your grandchildren. Without knowing more of the background story between you and your daughter, it's hard to say how best to respond here. But do you think counseling would be of any help? Ideally, it would be great if the two of you could see someone together and try a bit of family therapy. However, if she isn't open to that, you still may want to think about getting a little professional input on how best to handle this situation. In the meantime, I'll certainly be praying for you. So sorry you're going through this!

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