abusive dad = abusive kid?

Angela - posted on 01/03/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My son's father has been and continues to be extremely abusive. We have not lived together for a while now but whenever dad is around my 3.5 yr old becomes extremely badly behaved, talks back and hits (most of this is directed towards his father). The longer amount of time that is spent with his father the longer it takes him to calm down and get back to 'normal'. His father has basically refused to get help for his behavior. His behvior was so extreme that Children's aid became involved and he is not allowed unsupervised visitation.
I have tried to talk to his dad about his behavior in his presense with no luck - he tells me that I am lying to him that that my son is always bad in everyone's presense and that I just baby him and dont deal with things. My son attends preschool, goes on outings with friends and family without me or his dad and generarlly well-behaved...of course he's not perfect, but who is?
I have tried to discipline my son when his father is around but it is hard to do because he sees, hears and witnesses what his dad is doing to him as well as others. Also, when I discipline my son, his dad says that I am too lenient and begins ranting and being very aggressive towards my son, and me.
I am extremely worried that my son will turn out like his father! Does anyone else's children have an abusive father? How do you protect your kids from their own father's behavior??

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Firebird - posted on 01/03/2012

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Ok please correct me if I'm wrong.... how I understand this is that you supervise your ex's visits with your son.

"Also, when I discipline my son, his dad says that I am too lenient and begins ranting and being very aggressive towards my son, and me." This right here needs to stop pronto. Can you get a court appointed social worker to supervise the visits? If your ex values his time with his son, he won't let a social worker see him behave badly.

Katherine - posted on 01/03/2012

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I would say so. Maybe your son needs some sort of counseling for this? It sounds like dad doesn't have it all right.

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