Abusive Spouse that is a parent

Takeisha - posted on 09/17/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I have a question I have a 2 yr old daughter who is a doll, she is very sweet and never met a stranger. My husband of 3 yrs has become physically abusive in a subtle way. At first I thought well maybe he just doesn't know how to discipline her, so I and his mother had a talk with him. The first incident was at Olive Garden 1.We were eating at the restaurant and Londyn kept turning around in her high chair and he took her face and squeeze it with force to turn her around then threatened to beat her when she got home that's when we had words! The 2nd time he pushed her down on the ground at his mother house over some chips! There's other incidents but I will make this one my last Londyn was playing with her blocks on the floor I can't remember what she did to tick him off but all I know He picked her up by her shirt like a dog does her pups and started yelling at her in her face to obey And then slammed her back on the ground. I don't know what to do I'm scared I need a plan and some help on what I need to do?!my children comes first! This behavior is unacceptable..please help

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Jodi - posted on 09/17/2016

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Do you have somewhere you and your child can stay for a while? That way, you can insist he get help, but that you will not be coming home unless that happens. If you stay while he gets that help, definitely do NOT leave him alone with her.

Sarah - posted on 09/17/2016

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He seems to have some impulse and anger control issues. Those skills can be learned in counseling. Starting a "paper-trail" is easy. Send him an email that outlines your concerns, print it and save it. Send him a few options for therapists, make copies the names and the date you gave it to him. Keep a journal, that is very specific, with time and dates of incidents. Take pictures of your child with a date and time stamp if she is injured. If she is hurt badly enough to go to the doctor, I promise you the doctor will call CPS.

Dove - posted on 09/17/2016

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In addition to forcing him into counseling... document every abuse instance w/ the time, date, and abuse... get a paper trail, so if he doesn't go to counseling and you do leave him... you can push for supervised visitations to protect your child.

If he refuses to go to counseling... I think you can call CPS on him yourself. Tell them the situation and that you want to get your child out asap, but are also scared of him getting alone time w/ her.

Sarah - posted on 09/17/2016

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My mom always gave me this advice when I had and hard, awkward, embarrassing decision to make: "will you rather face the pain/shame now and be grateful later? Or cover up your problem now and face a lifetime of regret" She was a wise woman. Think about it.

Jodi - posted on 09/17/2016

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Don't be embarrassed! This is NOT your fault. However, it sounds like there have been many issues and that maybe he is not going to change. It also sounds like you have been trying very hard to give it a good go. If you decide to get out, please talk to a lawyer about making sure custody and visitation orders are in place - specifically supervised visitation only. Make sure you keep documenting everything as this will support you in your quest to make sure visitation is only supervised.

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Takeisha - posted on 09/17/2016

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Well we were already separated for year and a half.. I just came back been her since May and my family lives in Birmingham I'm in Mobile!! I'm so embarrassed about having to go back home.

Sarah - posted on 09/17/2016

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Your husband needs help. Insist he go to counseling, if he continues to be abusive; leave. Your child's safety must be your priority. You could lose her to CPS if you don't take action. If her doctor or a witness of any abuse reports it, and you knew it was happening and did not take action; you are negligent.

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