Cheryl - posted on 11/06/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
For nearly I year I took my child to a nuerologist, counseling and doctors. What I learned was that the problem wasn't as much my child, but me. I would threaten a consequence and then give in. I would take the phone for 2 days and give it back after a few hours. I would bark out a NO before taking time to consider the question. Me myself and I were letting my child down. On ADHD medicine he was like a zombie. He lost weight and he void of personality as well as up half the night and exhausted the next day. I read parenting books and learned that I was failing to give my child the tools needed to cope with his struggles. Chewing gum in class was a big one. Our school didn't approve but chewing gum helped my child focus and I didn't let up until the teacher(s) accepted that he would be chewing gum throughout the day. I stopped getting hyped up and sat down and asked questions like, how would it make you feel if... Instead of getting mad and throwing that what could you have done. I explained that alot of his behavior was a choice and once he realized that he could choose to act out of behave and started making the better choice he saw the response from others to be positive. I'm not much for labeling children. A friend, who was a doctor laid it out and said he only gets away with what you allow him to. When he learned that everything has either a positive or negative consequence the world changed. When he learned that I was going to stick to my word and that he could no longer manipulate me the days got much better. I find many parents spoil their children with 'stuff'. Rewarding bad behavior makes no sense to me. Why would a child who is rude, not doing well in school and making home life miserable deserve a new video game? Quite simply they don't but I find that parents are lazy. It's easier to give in and shut the child up than to stand your ground and PARENT! No one wants to argue. No one wants their house on edge. No one wants their child to fail. Take responsibility and give your child the tools they need to cope with whats going on around them. No one likes being told NO and denied what they want. Some kids fall to the floor and have a fit. Others slam doors or cuss their parent out. I taught my child that it's ok to not like my decision but reacting to it in a negative way would not change the answer. Children need to be taught to RESPOND, not REACT and they need their parent to teach them that. If you're yelling at your child and REACTING to their behavior get help for yourself, first. There are exceptions to everything but at the end of the day I suspect that the childs real problem doesn't need a label, it needs a parent to actually step up, stop giving in and be a parent!