Access

Fleur - posted on 03/21/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Please be patient with me im in a right state..
I always wanted my ex husband to see his children as much as possible. However he texts unnecessarily when he had them spoiling my night off. He has a gf with two children who he lives with. He drew the divorce agreement up and I agreeed just to get out fast. He was controlling us terribly, I didn't smile for ages! I didn't go for part of his pension maintenance for me or the savings as they were on his and the children's names. It stated that he would use the money for school fees. Turns out he has spent all the money (even to it was in the. Kids names) now won't pay school fees do they have to leave and my daughter hasn't wanted to see him for ages. I forced her to go as she is 5. A solicitor and mediation yd md to listen to her which I did. She stopped going mediation won't help as too complex and I won't get legal aid and he had ALL the savings and is now taking me to court for access. I'm devastated and feel like a fly in a bottle. Can anyone give advicexxx

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Amy - posted on 03/21/2013

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Well my experience so far is its a different mediator each time, so my ex goes in and lies each time and there is nothing I can do. Is it annoying yes but that doesn't mean he can't see his kids. If your daughter is having trouble it's probably because she's adjusting to the difference rules at each house, my suggestion is get her into family counseling with you and your ex so that she understands at 5 years old she's going to have to spend time with her father. Usually kids don't have a say until they're 12. And I agree with Dove the court is going to give him visitation and if he's in the same school district as you he may very well get joint.

Unless you have abuse with police records what you are doing is going to look like interference with his relationship with his daughter.

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Dove - posted on 03/21/2013

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And I HAVE been through a divorce... and court for custody and visitation, so while I haven't been through your exact situation.... I do have experience with a major jerk of an ex.... Doesn't stop him from having visitation rights to his children. I was trying to offer you a realistic perspective. Counseling for your daughter is an excellent idea. My older children were in counseling for about 2 years after their father left and it was great for them.

Dove - posted on 03/21/2013

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You asked for advice and I was trying to give it. Apparently you don't really want it, so... good luck.

Fleur - posted on 03/21/2013

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Thing is I did post that "I forced her to go and it was mediation and a solicitor that said I should listen to her"
To be honest I think I have my answer, this post is too complex for mediation she will need help understanding her OWN feelings. I am tryin g to be a good ex wife and now a good mother. Perhaps I was expecting people in similar situations to help not just random opionions

Dove - posted on 03/21/2013

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He will still get access in court. It's 'possible' that you could get supervised access... if you have a good lawyer, but even drug using abusers are usually entitled to some visitations with their children. That's just how court 'typically' works.... and if you don't have a lawyer... he could get as much as joint custody.

Fleur - posted on 03/21/2013

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He controls them. Makes promises then changes, my daughter can't cope with this. He shouts, tells them what to think , lots of horrible history. Telling them their eldest lovely sister is not their real sister. Wouldn't key family play with them when he's around... Endless
The money is just another slap in the face. Not for me but for them. It was set aside for them. Like I said I wasn't to gain financially

Dove - posted on 03/21/2013

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You haven't stated anything in your op that would be a legitimate reason to deny him a relationship with his children. Spending their money is a jerk move, for sure, but doesn't stop the fact that he is their father.

If you can't afford a lawyer, my advice would be to try and work out an agreement with your ex that you can both live with.... I know that isn't easy, but it's worth trying as much as possible.

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